He has his forearm against the hood of her car with his entire body leaning against her window.
There’s an unusual tension in his shoulders as he talks in rapid-fire. It’s too far for me to hear what he’s saying. Nicole stares at him with wild eyes and parted lips.
She looks on the verge of… crying?
Her blurry gaze meets mine and she swivels the wheel and speeds ahead. Dan stumbles back, cursing.
For the love of Vikings. Is Nicole trying to kill someone with her car today?
I fasten my pace towards Dan. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Nicole being a bitch as usual.” He runs a frantic hand over his face. When he turns around, he appears less agitated. “How are you feeling? Better?”
I might have spent two hours on facetime with Dan last night. I had to vent about it all to my best friend.
“No.” My voice catches. “Dad isn’t speaking to me.”
“Come here.” Dan wraps me in a hug and I fight the tears as I wrap my arms around his back.
“Don’t you hate me for bailing on you and leaving with Levi?”
“Bugger, I bail on you for shags all the time. That was nothing.”
“Really?”
“Really. You’re finally not a virgin so I don’t have to shoo away all those who planned to sacrifice you for Satan.”
I laugh as I pull away. “You’re not going to judge me?”
“What’s there to judge?” Dan grins, showing his dimple. “Besides, in the best friends manual, it says in bold capital letters that best friends aren’t allowed to be judgy little bitches.”
“What manual?”
“I’m sure it exists somewhere.”
“I’m surprised you read any manual that isn’t a porn magazine.”
“I know, right? Aren’t you happy I’m your best friend?”
“I am. Life would’ve been boring without you, bug.”
“That’s the spirit.” He pauses, the smile and the dimple disappearing. “Full disclaimer, on the manual, it also says that best friends should offer reality checks about any bad shits the other friend is doing. Captain leans towards the bad.” He rolls his eyes. “But you already know that.”
“Do you think it’s weird that I keep gravitating towards Levi despite knowing what he’s capable of?”
“Nah.” He nudges my shoulder, waggling his eyebrows. “It just means that you have a wild side I wasn’t fully aware of.”
Maybe he’s right.
“Besides, it’s not like you can choose who you like. That shit is messed up.”
“Since when did you become a philosopher?” I hit his shoulder with mine. “Don’t tell me you actually like someone.”
“I like everyone who opens their legs for me. Or mouths. I’m flexible.”
“You’re such a pig.”
He chuckles. “Come on, let’s go to school.”
“Wait. Do you think Levi’s fine?”
“You don’t know?”
Something clenches in my chest. “I don’t know what?”
“The team had a party yesterday at the Meet Up.”
“They did?”
“Yeah.” Dan winces. “I went after you called it a night.”
“Was Levi there?”
“He’s the one who called it.”
“Oh.”
I was worried sick about him while he had a party.
He didn’t even bother to text or call me.
“And what did he do?” I ask.
“The usual. Party. Drink.”
“That’s… brilliant.”
“Astrid…”
“No. Dan. It’s fine.” I force a smile. “Let’s go to school.”
Hot, red fire courses through my veins as I stomp to the car and throw my weight in the passenger seat.
Levi went to a party as if nothing happened yesterday. He didn’t stop to ask how it went with Dad. He didn’t think we needed to talk or anything.
For Levi, this must be another mind game.
I’m the one who shouldn’t have focused on the arsehole in the first place.
Not when I have more important things that I should worry about.
“Actually, Dan.” I swallow. “I’m going to see a doctor.”
41
Astrid
You didn’t kill me, you destroyed me.
* * *
I come out from my session with Dr Edmonds feeling lightheaded.
Everything that I thought I figured out is smoke and mirrors now.
Mum’s accident. My accident.
Since Mum’s death, I thought that no amount of therapy would bring back my mum or make me move on. So I’ve been ghosting my shrink.
Dad forced me to see Dr Edmonds at the beginning, but when I started throwing fits and woke up screaming in the middle of the night, he left me alone.
He only made me see Dr Edmonds again after the summer accident.
“Are you all right?” Dan stands up from the seat in the waiting area. “Why did you want to see your shrink?”
“Because…” I look up at him with my heart squeezing in my chest. “I think I’ve been running away.”
He clutches my arm, helping me to sit at the bench as the assistant calls in another patient.
“Did the doctor say that?”
“No. He told me that I quit visiting him for a reason and I also returned for a reason.” I grip his arm tighter. “He’s right, Dan. I had a flashback.”
His brows furrow. “A flashback?”
“From my accident with Mum. Dad said someone else died that day and I think … I think he or she asked me for help.” My eyes fill with tears. “What if… what if… they died because I couldn’t help them?”
“No. No. Look at me, Astrid.” He clutches my shoulder. “You had a concussion and couldn’t even save yourself, let alone someone else. Okay?”
I nod, slowly, more to myself than anything else. “That’s not the problem, Dan. The problem is that I wanted to remember for the wrong reasons. I want to recall what happened on my hit-and-run accident because I’m so mad at Levi right now. It’s so messed up, isn’t?”
“It’s human.” He grins. “Let’s egg his car and slash his tires. That Jaguar pisses me off.”
I snicker. Only Dan would turn an intense situation into a joke.
“So did the doctor say you can remember?” he asks.
“Yeah, but the whole thing is entirely up to me. Apparently, I’ve been blocking memories.”
“Are you scared?”
“No… maybe. I don’t know.”
“I’m here. You’ve got this, you little bugger.”
“God. I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I didn’t have you, bug.”
“Probably lots of shit.” He twists his mouth. “Buy me lunch?”
“Cheeseburgers,” Both of us say at the same time.
“How about we skip?” He waggles his eyebrows.
“I know what you’re doing, Dan, and no, I’m not running away from school anymore.”