If I could miss clues in my fiancée’s case, when she’d trusted in me, I was a monster. I let her down, just as I let my brother down.
Once the dusk settled in the sky, I knew I needed to head back to the hotel.
Kara waited for me. I was losing precious moments of being with my personal goddess in my room. My wanker was hard just thinking about her there, without me.
So, I double timed it back to the room, up the stairs, and opened our hotel room door.
Stillness caught my attention. The room was empty. The bed was made, but the room lacked the rosy smell I ached for.
Figures. All her things were out of the bathroom, and her bag was gone.
I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes when I sat on paper that crinkled. I jumped up, grabbed it, and read her sweet note.
Quentin,
I flew back to Pittsburgh. You saved me. I hope one day you’ll understand why I had to leave, but I also hope even more that you follow your heart and your passion. Being a doctor is awesome. Forgive yourself.
Kara
No words of love. I shouldn’t expect she’d feel the same. We’d always been temporary. Maybe I’d been wrong to correct the falling in love easily part. I hadn’t deserved her.
I’d never been a provider. I wrinkled the paper to throw it away, but then decided to keep it. It was the only thing I had of her now.
I took a cold shower and checked the train times to Saint-Cyr-sur-Mer. Maybe I’d stop remembering Kara if I left this room.
When night began to ascend fully into the sky, I zipped up the small bag and bought my ticket online.
It should be easy to leave. I gave the room one last look over but then dragged myself out.
However, as I descended the elevators to head to my train and check out of the hotel, my friends were all sitting on a couch.
I took a deep breath and headed over to say goodbye, but Bridget immediately asked, “What happened to Kara?”
I lost her because I took too long. My heart sank at the thought, and I pocketed my hands. “She’s gone. It’s fine.
Calliope hugged me. “No it’s not. You loved her.”
Were the secrets of my soul so obvious? My muscles tightened, but I met her gaze and asked, “Was it obvious?”
She let go of me and squeezed my cheek like I was still a boy. “To everyone but maybe her. Did you tell her?”
I cringed. “No.”
Simon slapped me on my back. “When I left Bridget and hadn’t told her I loved her, I came home to find another guy in her bedroom.”
Bridget groaned and shook her head. “He was hired to fix the wall, not to join me in bed.”
Simon stayed beside me like we were family. “I was jealous, and I hadn’t told her how I felt. If you love her, you have to tell her.”
She’d already said no to my signals. She didn’t love me back. “I need to figure out a few things first. I should get going to my parents now.”
Bridget gave him a pointed look that only Simon might understand the meaning, but it was clear to me they were deeply in love. Lucky Simon still got to have whatever he wanted. But then he said, “Look, Saint-Cyr-sur-Mer is a two-hour drive from here. Can we come see you tomorrow or the next day?”
More trying to save my soul? “You don’t have to come to the vineyard.”
Calliope said in a lower tone, “We want to see Blake’s grave.”
Got it. Of course. They’d flown halfway around the globe. “I’ll have a guest house set up for you.”
Then they all hugged me goodbye like we were family.
None of them blamed me. They didn’t know it was my fault the boat was missing a life vest. They also hadn’t known Cecilia and how she’d trusted me. I’d taken her for granted and killed her when I hadn’t thought she might have cancer in my initial tests.
Carelessness wasn’t attractive.
The world was pretty dark, and it wasn’t the time of day from leaving the hotel, catching the train, and walking to my family’s vineyard.
Saving Marlon’s life had been the only good thing I’d done recently.
Hours later, it was close to midnight when I opened the door to my parents’ house. My parents and grand-mère were in their night clothes but were wide awake, holding books or the remote control to the television. I dropped my bag on the floor and hugged them.
“Maman, Papa. Grand-mère.”
My father spoke first. “We’re happy to see you.”
My mother offered me a freshly baked croissant.
“Thank you,” I said. She guided us to the table for me to eat, and my father poured the wine. Once I finished, I dug out my wallet. “Grand-mère, here is your ring back.”
She placed it on the wooden table. My mother smiled at me. “Calliope said you had a new girlfriend.”
Grand-mère added, “We were looking forward to meeting her.”
I shrugged. “I lost her.”
My mother patted my hand. “How?”
As I finished, I held my tongue for a moment. Unlike every other woman, when I remembered Kara’s face, she was in bright color to me. I shook my head like that might erase the image. “Because she said I gave up on my dreams.”
My grandmother pushed the ring back at me. “I like her.”
Huh? She hated every girlfriend I’d brought home for dinner. “You never like any of my girlfriends, Grand-mère, and you don’t even know Kara.”
She gave a “ha” and sipped her wine. Once she finished, she patted my hand like I was an idiot she needed to shepherd. “I was looking for just one selfless thing out of any woman’s mouth. Every girl you ever brought home was self-involved.”
I never needed a woman like I ached to have Kara. But I drank a glass with my family and stared into the empty container once I finished. “So am I. All I do is live with regret.”
She showed her wrinkles as she asked in a low voice, “Were you in love?”
I refilled everyone’s glasses. “Doesn’t matter. Life changes fast. Look, Simon and Calliope want to come and see Blake’s grave.”
For a moment no one spoke. I remembered all the rude things I’d said to Kara in that moment and, for once, didn’t dwell on never being good enough to help my parents. She’d have slapped me if she’d had known.
“Oui. Bien sûr,” my father said.
I saw how my mother was still. For years, I wanted more from them. They’d come to graduation, but they’d had almost no emotion at anything I did. Good grades. Bad grades. None of that mattered.
I stared into my glass. “Don’t start drinking, Papa, and don’t start crying, Mama.”
My mother wiped a tear from her eye and smiled. “We didn’t handle Blake’s death well with you, Quentin. We should have gotten help sooner, but the therapists you sent over the years… They helped. Thank you.”
Well, then the years of schooling had mattered. If we all didn’t go to pieces at the mention of Blake, then I’d helped here. “Glad that worked.”
My father finished his own sip and asked, “Are you going to set up a new practice in town?”
Practice? I’d killed my fiancée, my brother, and really the biggest good was finding people to help my parents. My mind was a mess. “Why would you think that?”