Holden scratched the back of his neck. “What?”
“You said you came here to apologize, but you didn’t actually apologize. Those are two different things.”
“I know. I’m working up to it.”
“Okay, well, work faster. And I’m not apologizing for the shirt.”
“I didn’t say you should.”
“We really should smash the patriarchy.”
“Okay.” Holden took a deep breath. “Mina, I’m sorry for what happened on prom night. Really, really sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I’ve felt bad about it for the past ten years, but I was too chicken to do anything about it. I’ve decided it’s time for me to man up and apologize for one of the worst things I’ve ever done. So here I am, and I’m sorry.”
I stood there, speechless. Every word left my brain.
Holden looked at me. “Mina?”
I didn’t say anything. I just stared at him.
Ten years. Ten years I’d been waiting for those words, and here they were.
“Mina? Are you okay?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think I am.”
And then I burst into tears.
It was humiliating, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t even blame my period, because that was two weeks away. I was crying because after ten years, Holden Whittaker had actually told me he was sorry.
And now he was holding me, his arms around me as I sobbed. I tried to stop but the tears just kept coming, dripping off my face and onto my shirt.
“Jesus, Mina, I’m sorry,” Holden said. His arms were firm and warm. He smelled so good. I cried harder.
After a while I hiccupped and got a hold of myself. I looked down at the wet spot on the front of my shirt, right over the fist. “Soak the patriarchy,” I said.
Holden chuckled, and I felt the vibration. His chest… His chest was muscled. I could feel the muscles move beneath his shirt, because there were a lot of them. It reminded me of More Than One Fireman, but this was the boy who broke my heart. I pushed him away.
“Why did you do it?” I asked, mopping my face. “Was it a joke to invite the fat girl to the prom, then stand her up? Did you think it was funny?”
“It wasn’t funny.” Holden’s tone was grim. “It wasn’t fucking funny. And what are you talking about with fat girl? That wasn’t what you were.”
“Excuse me, what high school did you go to? Oh, right, the one where you were the most popular everything. Not the one where you got oinked at in the halls.”
He actually looked shocked and disgusted. “I never did that.”
“No, you didn’t.” Which was why I’d actually believed he’d take me to the prom. More fool me. “It doesn’t matter now. If it wasn’t a joke, then why did you stand me up? Why didn’t you answer my calls? Why did you just leave me hanging?”
Holden’s shoulders sagged and something dark crossed behind his eyes. “It’s such a long story, Mina. I don’t even know where to start.”
I sighed and finished mopping my eyes. The skin beneath my eyes was sore from scrubbing, and I probably looked like a puffy fright. Suddenly I was really tired. “You know what? Don’t tell me. I’m not in the mood for a long story that’s all about you right now.”
“I want to tell you, though. I do.” His gaze searched my face. “Let me take you to dinner.”
For a second, that sounded all right. Then I pictured myself sitting in a restaurant somewhere, ordering water and eating breadsticks, waiting for Holden Whittaker to show up. Getting stood up again.
“No way,” I said.
He seemed to read my mind, or maybe he was just thinking the same thing. “Come on, Mina. I promise I’ll show up.”
“You said that last time.”
“I mean it. I’ll be there. But I work shift work, so it will have to be a few days from now, on my day off.”
Right. Holden was an EMT now, which meant that when he wasn’t trapped in elevators, he saved lives. Maybe he was slightly less of a jerk than he used to be. Still, I wanted a guarantee. “Do you have any cash in your wallet?” I asked him.
His brows drew down in a confused frown. “What? No, I don’t. A few bucks, maybe.”
“Not good enough.” I looked him over, which wasn’t a hardship. He was wearing a watch that looked sort of nice. “Give me your watch,” I said.
“What for?”
“When you actually show up to meet me for dinner, you’ll get your watch back.”
“Mina, that’s crazy. I’ll show up because I actually want to have dinner with you.”
“Words are cheap, Holden. I think I’ll rely on the watch, thanks.”
He sighed, and then he undid the watch and handed it to me. “Be careful with it. I love this watch.”
He seemed to mean it. Once I had the watch in my hand I realized it didn’t look all that expensive, but it was well-worn, as if he always had it on. “Okay,” I said. “When are you free for dinner?”
“Thursday. My day off is best, because I work twelve-hour shifts that can go long.”
“Hmm,” I said, standing alone in my apartment with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and Smash the Patriarchy emblazoned on my shirt. “I might be free on Thursday. I’ll check.”
A grin touched the corner of his mouth, and my knees went a little weak. He looked even better than he had in high school. He pulled out his phone. “Give me your number and I’ll text you.”
So I did, typing my number into his phone and labelling it. He leaned toward me and watched over my shoulder, and I had a zap of his pure masculine energy, as if he was surrounded by a force field. “’Goddess?’” he said, reading over my shoulder.
“To distinguish me from all of your girlfriends,” I said.
“I don’t have any girlfriends.”
That was nice to hear, assuming I believed it. “Well, you’re in luck, because I’m temporarily single, so there’s no one to get jealous when I have dinner with you.”
When I handed his phone back to him, the smile was at the corner of his mouth again. Like he wanted to smile at me, but he wasn’t quite sure I’d approve.
For a second I wanted to smile at him, too. But I resisted, and I sent him on his way.
For once, I’d call that a win.
Six
Holden
I got off the train and headed home, still thinking about Mina Maple. Jesus, Mina Maple. Of all the ghosts of my past to show up and haunt me, all the way from Wisconsin, it had to be that one.
The one with curves and long, dark hair. The one I’d screwed over so bad she’d started crying, ten years later.
I ran a hand through my hair as I walked down the sidewalk, avoiding my fellow Brooklynites who were going home now that it was dark. I knew what kind of guy I was. I had no illusions about that. And facing up to Mina, apologizing to her, hadn’t been fun. But then she’d ended up in my arms and, jerk that I was, it had felt good. I’d never touched her in high school, even though I’d really, really wanted to. I’d been hoping I’d get the chance to touch her on prom night.