Not even Tink. Not for a long time.
It was Tanner who finally did.
“You are doing the right thing,” he said. At his sides, his hands were opening and closing.
Finally! Finally, someone realized that I was doing the right thing. There was no relief, though. No joy. Just a heaviness that threatened to drag me to the ground and then through it.
“It gives me no pleasure to hide anything from my King, nor does knowing what you must be going through. But the future of our Court and of this world is paramount and trumps our needs and desires,” he continued. I felt myself nodding slowly. “We’ll keep your confidence, Brighton.”
Sitting down in the chair, all the energy went right out of me. “Thank you.”
His mouth tightened.
“Neither Faye nor Kalen will repeat a word of what was overheard or discussed here,” Tanner announced, and for the first time, I saw his mask of civility slip a little, revealing the deadly creature underneath as he looked to the two of them. “Do you understand me?”
Faye looked uncomfortable but she nodded. “I do.”
“I was right. I regret this.” Beside her, Kalen thrust a hand through his hair. “I don’t like this. He’s our King.”
“I’m not asking if you like it.” Authority bled into Tanner’s tone. “None of us do. But we must do things we don’t like to protect the future, no matter how distasteful we find them.” His hands stilled as his gaze met mine. “And I promise you that what you’re doing will not be in vain. I will do everything in my power to ensure that.”
I nodded again because I felt distasteful. I felt wrung out. I felt everything and nothing as Tanner bid us goodbye. The others followed, but Kalen stopped and whispered something in Tink’s ear. The brownie nodded solemnly. At any other time, I would’ve been curious to know what was said, but right then, I didn’t have the brain capacity for it.
Tink sat beside me. “So…”
Wearily, I looked over at him.
“That was awkward.”
I laughed, but it didn’t feel right. “Do you think they’ll keep silent?”
“I believe so.”
“And you?” I whispered.
“Of course. I don’t want you to throw away my packages.”
I smiled at that.
He leaned in, resting his forehead against mine. “You know what I think?”
I was half afraid to ask. “What?”
“I think you’ll make a good mom. After all, I’m one hell of a test run.”
* * * *
I spent the following two days with Fabian and Tink as my shadows. If I wanted to go out into the courtyard, they went with me. If I stayed in my room, they kept me company by either joining me on the bed to watch bad reality television or a movie in the living room area of the suite. I didn’t think I’d ever spent that much time in bed with one man before, let alone two. I knew they were there because Caden wasn’t, and I had a feeling they were with me at his request. Not that I believed they didn’t want to spend time with me, but it wasn’t like I was great to be around. I was the living embodiment of morose.
I hadn’t talked to Caden since I’d told him I didn’t love him, but I woke in the middle of the night, swearing that his scent was in the room. Often, when I was in the courtyard with Fabian and Tink, a shivery wave of awareness broke out along the back of my neck and over my skin. I’d turn, fully expecting to find Caden there, looking at me in that intense way of his. But he was never there, just like when I woke in the night—the room was empty.
I couldn’t make sense of how I felt. I didn’t know what to think or feel. A stupid part of me had been pleased to know that Caden had possibly been the one to deliver the food or could be watching me while I was in the courtyard. The other half of me wanted to punch myself in the face.
Tanner and the others had kept their vow so far. I figured I would know if they’d told Caden about the pregnancy, but when I walked out to the courtyard with Fabian and Tink Friday evening, I saw that he was diligently working to make sure that Caden chose a Queen.
Stepping out into the courtyard, I felt as if I’d been sucker punched in the heart when I saw Caden standing to the right, under several softly glowing paper lanterns. Wearing black trousers and a white button-down shirt, with his hair loose and brushing broad shoulders, he looked as if he’d stepped off the cover of a magazine or out of some fantasy. He wasn’t alone. Tanner was with him, as were several other fae, including Kalen. So was the tall and elegant, raven-haired Tatiana. Her brother, who was equally striking with his dark hair and deep, silvery hued skin, was also there.
There was a slight smile playing across Caden’s face as Tatiana said something to him. She reached across the scant distance between them and touched the forearm exposed by the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt.
There was no mistaking that Caden and Tatiana would make a stunning couple found only in fairy tales and seeing them together made me painfully aware of the fact that no one in their right mind would ever believe that he’d chosen me over someone so flawless. So graceful.
The bite of jealousy took a huge chunk out of my heart even as I told myself I should be relieved. I should be happy to see him speaking with her. It wasn’t like him finding another fae to marry would lessen the blow if he rekindled the arrangement with Tatiana.
Tink had taken my hand the moment we spotted them and began talking about sea turtles. Or possibly opossums. I wasn’t sure. Caden appeared wholly unaware of us. The only person who seemed to know we were there was Sterling, Tatiana’s brother. His gaze tracked us until I could no longer tell if he was watching.
The courtyard had lost some of its beauty that night, and I hadn’t lingered long. Caden and the group of fae were gone when we went back inside, but based on the amount of activity behind the frosted glass of the common room, I had a feeling the King was in there. There was a lot of laughter, and I thought I even detected music. I’d heard that they often threw parties, sometimes for birthdays or weddings, and other times just because. Envy joined jealousy, and the moment I was in my hotel room, I managed to get Fabian and Tink to leave. I hoped they joined whatever was going on downstairs. They belonged there. I didn’t. And while I knew I wouldn’t be unwelcome—well, I doubted Tanner would be thrilled if I made my presence known since he was obviously working hard to reconnect Caden and Tatiana. But I also knew that I was an outsider, no matter my relationship with Tink or Prince Fabian.
Feeling older and wearier than I had in a very long time, I pulled on a sleep shirt that Ivy had retrieved from my house. It was lightweight and long, reaching my thighs. I climbed into bed, shamefully early for a Friday night, beyond thankful that tonight was my last night here.
“I got this,” I reminded myself as I had every night since Monday. As I placed my hand against my belly, I repeated, “We got this.”
Drifting off, I wondered why it was so easy to fall asleep now when I’d always struggled to do so before. Was it the pregnancy? I’d read once that it could make you more tired. Or was it my body healing and recovering? The bruises and the cuts had all faded. My eyes were no longer swollen, and most of the slices had become only faint pink marks. Or was it depression? It was probably all of it.