“That’s easy for you to say,” I replied. “And also concerning that you’re not worried.”
Caden sat down, his large frame seeming to overwhelm the bed. “I will be fine, with or without the throne. But I won’t be fine without you.”
My heart gave a happy little jump, and I closed my eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
“Why?” His voice was quiet.
“Because it’s always so perfect. It’s always what I…” It was what I wanted to hear, and that was the problem. “I just wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
“I don’t think you’d prefer that I lie.”
Actually, I would in this situation.
“This is why you’ve tried to push me away,” he said, and my eyes opened on the word tried. He was staring down at me, a slight smile on his lips. “It’s not because you don’t want me. It’s not because you don’t love me. It’s because you think you’re doing the right thing.”
“Because I am,” I snapped.
The smile grew. “Not that I needed the confirmation that I am right, but thank you nonetheless for providing it.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong.” I rose, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter how I feel or how you feel.”
“It does matter that you believe you’re doing the right thing. That you’re willing to do the right thing. At least to me.” He looked up at me, gaze warm. “You know what that says about you?”
“Yes. I’m brave or selfless or whatever.” I waved a hand, dismissing that. “I’d rather be selfish.”
“But never a coward?”
I didn’t even have to consider the answer. “No.”
“I didn’t think so.” His gaze searched mine. “I’m going to ask you something, Brighton, and I want you to be honest. I need you to be honest. Do you love me?”
Tension settled on my shoulders as I started to speak—to lie. But he already knew the truth. I imagined he just wanted to hear me say it. Either way, I didn’t think I had it in me to force that lie past my lips once more.
“I love you, Caden.” My voice thickened as I crossed my arms and gripped my waist. “I think…I think I fell in love with you the moment you walked into Flux and let me pretend I was under the glamour of a fae. I know that sounds weird, but I’ve always been able to tell you things I couldn’t share with anyone else. As crazy as this sounds, I’m comfortable with you in a way I’ve never been with any guy, even though you’re freaking perfect, and I’m the exact opposite of that. You’re smart. You’re funny, even when you’re annoying the ever-loving crap out of me. You’re sensitive in a way I don’t think many people would ever expect you to be. So, yes, I love you, Caden.”
His eyes closed briefly. When they reopened, it was almost like twin fires had lit them from within. “Do you know that the fae believe that a piece of their soul is released upon birth and finds a home in their soulmate?”
Recalling what Luce had said about two souls and the mortuus, I had a feeling that whatever he was about to say was going to make me cry.
“I found that piece of my soul in Siobhan. When she was killed, I didn’t believe that I would ever find it again, even though the fae believe that upon death, that piece of the soul is once more released. You see, I was lucky when I found Siobhan. Not all fae find the missing piece of their soul. It doesn’t mean that their love for another is any less real. It’s just that two souls being connected is more intense and immediate. It can happen with just one look.” He pressed his palm against his chest. “What is in here recognizes what belongs. The joining of two souls is an unbreakable bond.”
A tremor coursed through me as I fought the urge to both run to him and run from the room.
“I saw you before the night the gateways to the Otherworld were sealed. Just brief glimpses, but each time, I felt this throbbing in my chest. It had been so long since I’d felt anything like it that I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. But that night when you helped my brother…” His voice roughened as he tipped forward. “I knew that somehow, someway, the part of my soul that had been released had found another home. I never would’ve dared to hope I’d find you, the one who held a piece of my soul, but I did.”
What he said would’ve sounded crazy to me a handful of years ago. Soulmates? I would’ve said they only existed in fairy tales. But now? This made sense.
“I tried to stay away then. I could sense your fear and distrust of the fae, and when I realized that you could be used against me like Siobhan had been, I tried to distance myself from you. Both were mistakes, ones I will spend an eternity trying to make up for.”
A breath seemed to shudder out of him. “I love you, Brighton. I know I fell in love with you before we even spoke to one another. That love only deepened when I saw how strong and resilient you became. When I learned how incredibly intelligent and generous you are.”
The back of my throat and eyes burned as he continued. “My love for you grew each time you pushed back at me, showing me you weren’t afraid, and I knew the reason why you became my mortuus when you were willing to look past who I was and saw beyond what I’d done when I was under the Queen’s spell. You are my sun, Brighton. I loved you before I found you in that club, even before I gave you the Summer Kiss.”
I shuddered, taking a step back. “Caden…” I pushed the tears down. “What you just said, it was beautiful, and I know it’s real. There is something entirely inexplicable about us. But hearing that…it hurts.”
“It’s not meant to hurt, sunshine. I wish you would’ve come to me the moment you heard what would happen if I didn’t choose a Queen. I think I could’ve saved you a lot of heartache.”
I wasn’t sure how hearing this days ago would’ve lessened the amount of pain I was in.
“What if I told you that you could be selfish?” he asked.
Letting out a dry laugh, I shook my head again. “Caden, it’s not like I haven’t thought about this. About whether either of us could live with ourselves, knowing what we’ve risked. I know I can’t. I know you couldn’t.”
“I didn’t want to be King. You know that,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I would let my Court rot and decay.”
“See?” I reasoned. “You agree. We can’t be together. No matter how badly we want to be. So, this conversation is only hurting both of us.”
“This was a conversation I planned to have once you had a little time to process everything you’ve been through and learned,” he repeated. “Because what I’m about to tell you will come as another shock, but I see now waiting was a mistake. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing when we’re not.”
Considering what I knew that he didn’t, I doubted he could shock me. “What do you have to tell me?”
“I have to tell you that I have chosen a Queen.”
My entire body jerked as my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I searched desperately for relief but found nothing but aching emptiness and bitterness. This was what the world needed, but God, it still cut so deeply. “Okay,” I whispered, wondering what the hell the point of this conversation was. “Congrats.”