I feel her delicate hands wrap around my neck, dragging me closer to her body. I am plastered to the front of her, and her back is burrowing into the wall behind us. My hands halt on her hips, my fingers digging into her skin.
My lower half is perfectly lined up with hers. The heat from her core is radiating straight to my dick, and that's when this moment crashes into flames. Watching her come was a beautiful moment. I've never seen anything more stunning.
I want nothing more than to bend her over and fuck her until she can’t walk. My cock is begging me to bury him inside her tight walls. My mind is wandering to a dangerous place.
I pull myself off her, stepping away altogether. I look at her with wide eyes the vision before me makes my stomach twist and my hormones skyrocket. Her red lips are swollen, her jeans are unbuttoned, hanging low on her hips and her breathing is heavy.
What the fuck did I just do?
Fuck Bishop, what did you just do!
Oh, that's right. I just made out with a fucking underage girl, who happens to be not only one of my closest friends' daughter but someone I'm supposed to protect from guys like me. I run my hand down my face in shock, then through my hair.
"Fuck!" I cuss aloud. I turn around so my back is facing her, I don't think I can look at her right now. What have I done?
"Bishop, don't. I wanted this. I've wanted this forever. I-I love you."
As if this situation can't get any worse. My heart smashes into a million pieces, tiny little bits. Motherfucker. Love? She doesn't even know what she is saying.
I turn immediately. "Love me? Valor, this," I say motioning between us, "This was a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking! It was a mistake. You don't love me," I tell her with a rigid look.
And just like that, for the first time, I watch the light that blazes so brightly inside Valor dim. As if one of the candles inside her soul blew out. I watch as a piece of her hardens from my words starts to build a wall around her innocent heart. A wall I created.
Now the man she's supposed to be with will have to wonder endlessly why he can never break this wall. Why one of the candles that helps her shine so brilliantly doesn't glow. All because of me.
"Vallie, I─"
"Is it because I don't have blonde hair? Or fake tits? No fake tan or perfect teeth? Why not me, B?" she fumes. My radiant girl is decomposing every second I stand here. She is shredding herself down in front of my eyes, and I swear I've never felt pain like this in my life. Ever.
Hurting her is annihilating me. It's eating me alive. Except I can't go console her. I can't go fix this, because that'll make it more detrimental in the long run. She can't be pining over me after this. She has to let this go. Let this naive crush on me go.
I look her straight in the eyes and fire the last bullet to her.
"It was a mistake, Valor. That's all it will ever be."
"Val, I would never leave you. I'm still here, I-I've just been busy is all." That's a lie. It's a bald-faced lie and she knows it as much as I do.
"You've been missing Sunday dinners. My dad misses you, I miss you."
"I know, Vallie, and I'm sorry. It's just, it's better this way. We needed some space so that you could─"
"So that I could, what? Learn to stop loving you? Move on? Well, congratulations. You've got your fucking wish. I'm over it. So much for always being there for me, huh? Turns out you're just a fucking liar," she croaks out the next part, and then the line goes dead.
All that I hear is dead silence from the other end. I'd done it. I did what needed to be done. I pushed her away. It was for the best.
Then why does it feel like the complete opposite? Why does it feel like someone has reached inside of me and pulled my heart straight out of my chest? It's not supposed to fucking feel like this. I don't feel like this. I don't do feelings.
It's just hurting because I care for her, as a protector, as her friend. That's it, I tell myself. But even that doesn't feel right. Nothing feels okay right now.
The door vibrates behind my head, knocking my train of thoughts around. "Bishop, are you jerking off in there? Come on, we are leaving for the bar," Nico yells from the other side.
"Be down in a second," I say, clearing my throat.
I look down at my phone, at the image of Valor, and my heart aches a little more. If only I knew then that this wouldn't be the first time I’d hurt her or myself.
"Hey! This is Valor, sorry I missed your call. Leave a message at the beep!"
Sweet like honey, sweet as they motherfucking come. Vallie was a hard ass on the outside, but she was all sugar on the inside. Her voice was like aloe over a blistering sunburn. I could listen to her talk all day.
I sigh deciding that ten damn phone calls today are enough. I grip the edge of the sink. Thankful the bathroom is empty at the moment. I reach forward turning the sink on and splashing cool water on my face.
I lift my head. Kai’s standing at the door with a look of no emotion on his face.
"No answer?" he asks simply walking towards the sink next to mine.
I shake my head no, sighing again. Of course, she didn't fucking answer me.
"It's been goddamn months, Kai. She has avoided me like the fucking plague,” I trail. I roll my shoulders trying to alleviate the stress sitting on them but it does no good. She’d ignored all of my texts and calls.
This was the first birthday I was missing, the first one where I didn’t know if I’d get to wish her a happy birthday. That hurt me more than I cared to admit.
"She's hurt, Bishop. Women treat grudges like we treat our dicks─with care." He grabs his junk for extra emphasis.
I scoff, "She's acting like a kid who didn't get their way." I huff.
Kai smirks, coughs slightly, and I watch as he runs a hand down his mouth trying to hide a smile.
"Shut the fuck up," I bark. If I heard one more dumbass joke about her being so young, I was going to go nuclear. One person could only handle so many diaper jokes.
He raises his hands in defense with a laugh on his lips. "I didn't say anything."
I flip him off before heading towards the bathroom door. He grips my shoulder before I open the door, a serious look on his face.
"You miss her. Man up and tell her that. Denying how you feel is going to destroy both of you." The laughter is gone from his voice. He isn’t wrong.
I do miss her.
I miss our conversations about hockey. Talking for hours about new movies and fucking arguing about everything and anything. I miss watching her eat Lemonheads for hours. Mostly? I miss being the person she went to for everything.
Not having Valor in my life was like having a huge hole in my heart. I didn’t realize how much of my life she filled until she left.
With that, he slips by me like the ghost he is and heads back into the club.
"Since when did you become a damn fortune cookie?” I yell after him. He just tips his fingers into the air at me before disappearing into the chaos.
I can hear the music outside, the muffled voices, and when I head back to the VIP lounge I know my teammates will be there celebrating for what feels like the millionth time.
We were Stanley Cup champions this season. I was surrounded by people. Hell, Eric and Anna even came with the girls. My teammates, my friends, all there. And I felt lonely. Like something was missing. It's how I've felt since the day Valor stopped talking to me. Cold, empty, and bitter. She took all the damn light with her when she left. I let her go because she deserved better, she needed better.