“You’re not close to your family, are you, B?”
Hard to be when one is dead and the other is drunk all the time. Vallie didn’t know much about my past or my family. I didn’t talk about it. Ever. No one knew about how I grew up, or what my mom went through. It was my secret to keep.
I shrug my shoulders. I want to move away from this conversation as swiftly as possible.
“Why do you do that? Change or avoid the topic when I bring up your family? You’ve done that since I was a kid. Why?” She moves her legs off my lap and the loss of her touch has me wanting to pull them back.
She’s still facing me, but now she’s sitting cross-legged in the seat staring at me with those Cleopatra eyes. Those eyes that have been torturing my soul for years. Even as a kid she looked at me like she saw more than the mask I put on every day.
“My past isn’t something I like talking about. It’s not really that important anyway.”
My answer is simple. I don’t want to talk about this. But she’s an adamant little thing. Always poking around shit that isn’t her business.
“If it has to do with you and why you’ve never been in a committed relationship, I think it’s pretty important, B.”
I jerk my head to the side. Where the fuck did me being able to commit come from? I have barely looked at another woman since I got with V. My jaw ticks.
“Are you saying I’m not committed to you?” My voice is closer to a growl than my normal tone.
“Don’t turn this around on me!” she snaps, throwing her hands in the air. I decide now is a good time to look for a spot to pull over, this conversation isn’t going to be productive if I am driving. Plus, Valor is crazy when she’s angry, and I don’t feel like wrecking this car.
“I’m just trying to understand. You’re twenty-six, Bishop! I’ve never even seen you with the same woman twice, neither has fucking TMZ,” she continues as I pull off into a wide spot, putting the car in park.
Vallie looks out the window, biting the inside of her cheek. She’s the second person I’ve met who does that when she is stressed or agitated. It’s her tell that she is upset. It’s Anna’s too.
“How am I supposed to know it’s different with me?” she declares, rolling her tongue across her bottom lip. I quickly unbuckle my seatbelt with a sigh, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her towards me.
The smell of Lemonhead candies and lavender overwhelms my senses. I lean my forehead on hers, digging my fingers into her hair.
“Fuck, Vallie. You know it’s different with you,” I whisper softly. Her body melts into me as if just my touch is enough to soothe her spirit. I feel her hands run up my chest to the sides of my face.
She moves her eyes to meet mine, and it takes all the breath out of my lungs. The brightest eyes I’d seen in my life. They hold galaxies and solar systems inside them. Her lips hover over mine, a ghost of a kiss. I can feel the smooth skin of her mouth on my own.
“Prove it.” She hums against my lips, “Let me see you, B. Let me see all of you.”
My soul nearly splits in two. Literally. She’s taking all the air from me. I don’t have anything left, she has it all. This moment feels so raw, and it rubs me to the point I’m exposed. I hate it. It’s like she can see all the ghosts hiding behind my eyes.
I move my hand to the side of my seat, pulling it back, and then placing my hands on Valor's hips, easily lifting her body onto my lap. I grasp her body tightly, pressing her into my lap. I move my lips to hers, bruising a kiss to her lips.
It’s not a romantic kiss. It’s full of pain, raw, real. It’s us. It’s waves crashing onto the shore with a ferocity that I can’t explain. Her lips are my safe haven. They want to know all the places I have been damaged and heal them.
She whines into my mouth, and I swallow it with a groan of my own. Our lips move in harmony as if they always should have been attached. My tongue darts across her bottom lip, teasing it gently. Her hands fist my T-shirt, she wants me closer.
I feel the loss of her lips when she pulls her mouth away from mine. Her lips float over mine, barely touching, she breathes out the words, “Please, let me see you…” I squeeze her hips so tightly I’m sure they will leave marks, and I grit my teeth, letting out a sigh I didn’t know I was keeping.
Her delicate fingers rake through my hair, massaging my scalp, comforting me with her touch. I shake my head, sinking back against the headrest. My eyes open to see her staring at me. I take a deep breath in, and then let it out.
“My parents taught me a lot of things in my life.” I clear my throat, hoping the words don’t get stuck. “My dad showed me how dangerous loving someone can be.”
She sits there quietly, staring at me, letting me talk. Allowing me to exercise my demons like the saint she is.
“My mom taught me that even the happiest of people hold the darkest demons.” I pause, letting those words settle. “She killed herself when I was young. My dad found her on the kitchen floor, and I found them when I came home from school. He was just holding her, rocking back and forth calling her name like it was going to wake her up from a bad dream.” I shake my head, running my hand down my face.
“I watched what happens to one soul when the other leaves it to walk this Earth alone.”
And it was the most traumatic moment in my life. It was a giant fuck you to every happily ever after I’d ever seen or heard about.
I remembered the room smelled like sadness. It was stale and cold. Without any warning, my entire life had changed. I fucking hated this. This feeling of being vulnerable. She could see all my bloody cuts, all the wounds were open for her viewing pleasure.
“Rock bottom was when I met Coach Eric and Anna. My dad was hollow and I was trying to raise myself. Coach introduced me to hockey and Anna, his wife. They showed me love. I, I think I’d be dead if I hadn't met them. I owe them both everything. Ya, know, it’s weird, but I think Coach and Anna were my mom’s way of saying sorry that she left.”
Valor’s thumbs rub calming circles on my cheeks, still sitting there with a passive look on her face. I bite my bottom lip, letting my words settle in the air around us. Her fingers traced my nose and eyebrows.
“I’m so sorry, B.” Her voice cracks like she’s trying not to cry. My sweet girl is trying to be brave for me. She’s fighting the tears because she wants to be strong for me, and I couldn’t be more thankful for her at that moment. I cough, opening my throat somewhat. I give Valor a forced smile, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“My old man may not have taught me a lot, but he was right about one thing.” I try to make my mood a little lighter, attempting to pull myself from the gloom towards the light that is Valor Sullivan.
She gives me a tiny smile, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, and what’s that?”
I sigh, taking my right hand and tracing her bottom lip with my thumb. My other hand pulls her closer to me by her hip. This position makes her look down on me, her head almost touching the roof of my car. Her hands rest on my shoulders as I look up at her.
“He told me that one day I’d believe in magic.”
I can see the shock register on her face, her freckles shifting as she scrunches her nose. I nip at it with my teeth listening to her squeal. She squirms in my lap, making me groan. Her ass grinds against my cock who has already been working towards a hard-on with her in my lap.