Her voice cracked as she pointed to Cat’s belly. “This right here, Cat. You know, the child growing inside of you!” They were actually going to have a real fight about this. One of only a handful in their long friendship. But it felt like the pin on a grenade had been pulled weeks ago and they’d both been watching in slow motion, waiting for the explosion to finally put them out of their misery.
Cat’s mouth dropped open. “I did tell you!”
Dani huffed at Cat’s indignance. “Actually, Josh told me—all of us—and five months late. You never said a word.” She crossed her arms over her chest, mentally checking off a point on her board.
But then Cat’s lower lip started to tremble, and her nose scrunched. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice shaking with corked emotion. “I didn’t know Josh was going to say anything. I would have done it myself, he just—”
Dani held a hand up. “I mean why didn’t you tell me when it happened, Cat? Why did you wait until you were picking out maternity clothes before you shared that with me? We share everything. When things with you and Josh were rough, it was me you came to. When you got engaged, you called me before you even called your mom. Every single big moment in my life, breakups or ups and downs with my career, you’ve been there for it. This is the most important thing that has ever happened to one of us and you kept it from me. Are we in such different stages of life that you didn’t think I’d be happy for you?”
Cat’s brow knitted. “No. Of course not.”
“You thought I would send you a condolence card? I was joking with Sonya!”
Cat was silent for a moment, her lip still quivering. “I knew you’d be happy,” she whispered.
“Then what the hell, Cat?” Dani could hear the desperation in her own voice, and she thought of Dylan’s little arm punch of encouragement. The way he’d gotten her to admit that all of her anger wasn’t directed at Cat, but at something inside of herself that she was still working out. She sucked in a breath to calm herself. “Just tell me why.”
Cat’s face crumbled, her answer coming out as a sob. “I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t feel like celebrating.”
Dani’s jaw fell open, confusion bubbling up in her belly and boiling over into a hot flush on her cheeks and neck as she watched tears stream down Cat’s face. “What do you mean?”
“We didn’t plan it,” she said, choking on another sob. “It was an accident. I think the weekend of Josh’s birthday party. I don’t know. We went away—I might have forgotten to take my pill that morning. There were a bunch of last-minute things to do and I got up late. I can’t remember.” Cat sputtered like a beat-up engine. She rambled when she was nervous. It had always been her tell, no matter how tough she was trying to be. “I just got here in my career,” she said. “Josh has all these plans to expand his business. This wasn’t supposed to be for a few years.” She dropped her face into her hands, groaning. “Dani, I was pregnant at my wedding.”
Dani blinked, all of her best friend replies fleeing her brain. This was the type of thing that would knock Cat’s whole world off-kilter—clearly—but she was married to the love of her life. All the rules about how life’s supposed to go are predicated on that one thing. She had to know it wasn’t that bad.
“At least you didn’t get married by a priest,” Dani said, giving Cat a playful punch. Josh’s divorce had made that impossible which, of course, he’d felt awful about. Maybe everything really did happen for a reason because Cat would have damned herself to hell over that.
Cat huffed out a tiny laugh and sniffed. “My parents haven’t done the math yet.”
“Oh, Cat.” Dani’s mind was spinning. She’d been obsessed with catching up to this imaginary timeline for months now, and here Cat was, terrified because she’d arrived too early. What the hell did that mean? She’d made a lot of decisions in the last few months based on this comparison, and it turned out she was comparing herself to a reluctant model.
More importantly, she’d been feeling sorry for herself about being kept out of the loop while Cat was dealing with something huge. She’d come here to have it out with her best friend when really it was her who should be apologizing.
“Come on, Kit Cat.” Dani brushed Cat’s hair off of her forehead. “You always knew you and Josh would have kids. He can’t have been upset about this.”
Cat shook her head.
“Oh.” Dani’s heart squeezed again. She’d seen the look on Josh’s face when he’d made the announcement. He was ecstatic, and if Cat wasn’t, it had to be more than a little uncomfortable for them. Uncomfortable enough to be the source of the tension she’d picked up between them. Dani spent a lot of time being jealous of Josh, but now she was mentally hugging him too.
“I was upset, and he was upset with me for being upset. I nearly ruined our honeymoon crying over it.” Cat sniffled and pulled in a deep breath. “But I couldn’t do that to him, you know? This is everything he’s ever wanted, and I was acting like my life was over. I forced myself to pretend it was okay for him, but telling everyone else, letting people gush about it? I wasn’t ready for that.”
“But Josh knows you way better than that.”
“So do you, I guess.”
Dani forced a smile. “Don’t forget it.”
Cat smiled too, dabbing at her eyes with the little square napkin from under her water glass.
“Anyway, then we got home and I could not stop puking. None of it felt celebratory. I just didn’t want to face it. I told Josh we should keep it to ourselves for the first three months, like you’re supposed to, even from you all. But then it became four, then five…”
“What about now?” Dani asked, her voice cracking. “Are you happy now?”
Cat bobbed her head, one more tear spilling over before she tipped her head to the ceiling. “I am. And of course, Josh is still so happy. He convinced me that everything was going to be okay, and I know you would have done that too, Dani. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and let you say it. You’re my best friend. I was stupid to try to go through this without you.”
Dani reached across the table and pulled Cat into a hug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I made it about me. It’s just…”
Cat sniffed. “What?”
“I thought you’d given up being this neurotic.”
Cat laughed and another tear escaped, weaving through her freckles. “I fell off the wagon for a while, but I’m back. Totally zen. See?” She pressed her hands beneath her chin in a prayer pose and hummed.