“She is warm and at home with Emma. Ye will be with her verra soon.” He stroked down my hair and pulled me to his chest.
“My breasts hurt so much,” I sobbed.
He and I both opened my shift to look down, my breasts were inflamed looking. He kissed my head. “Ye hae a fever.”
“Everything hurts.”
He helped me lie down and passed me the towel. I said, “I think some snow might be good, like an ice pack?” He pulled on his parka and boots and crawled from the tent to trudge into the snow.
And I lay there and tried to get milk to come and told my breasts that I was furious at them. They were supposed to be normal — make milk, to just wait, just wait for fuck's sake, wait a minute. We’d get back to Isla.
But they seemed content to want to explode.
After getting a little milk out, I applied some wet cloths that Magnus dipped in a bowl of snow and that felt really good. I lay on the bedding with snow rags on my chest, spread eagle, hazy-brained. Hot and sad.
Magnus said, “Will ye promise me ye winna die?”
Eyes closed, I said, “If I die from this, that would be the worst. Promise me, if I die, you won’t let exploding breasts be on my historical record, make it epic, like I fought a dragon.”
“Tis nae funny.”
I opened one eye. His face was worried. “Oh, my love, I’m sorry I scared you. This is not how I die, this is just one of those body-mutiny moments, I promise. And if you think about it, milk breasts are as old as time. This is nothing new. And I’m not special enough to die from something as ordinary as this.”
“Ye are verra special. Tae me.”
I gave him a frown smile. “I love you. No dying, promise.”
I closed my eyes again and he lay on his side, alternately falling asleep, and waking up to check on me.
A few minutes later I startled him by asking, “What do you think she’s doing right now?”
“I believe she is cryin’ for ye. I believe she feels the loss greatly.”
A tear slid from my eye and streamed down my face. "Thank you. I feel absolutely every fucking emotion about that — devastated, relieved, furious, guilty. Is Emma consoling her?”
“Aye, right now she is in Emma’s arms. Emma is singin’ tae her. In that way she has and Isla is looking at her like this...” He made his face screw up in a look of incredulousness. “Because she is singing verra high like she does and nae singing like ye do.”
I joked, “I do have a ‘one of a kind’ singing voice. What is Beaty doing?”
“Beaty is accompanyin’ her with the pipes. Tis a lullaby, but nae putting her tae sleep.”
“And Zach is taking over and trying to bounce her on his forearm, but she misses yours: big and steady. That’s where she wants to sleep.”
I peeled the ice towels off my breasts. I dipped them in the bowl, wrung them out, laid back, and placed them on my breasts again. “What about Archie, what is he doing?"
"He is bein' a courageous prince, guardin' the castle, keepin' his sister safe."
"He's dragging that sword around?"
"Aye, or the hippo pushy stick, tis just as dangerous if ye swing it well."
"He's too sweet a boy to be dangerous, but I'm glad he is protecting his sister. I hope someone is protecting him too."
"Aye, me as well, mo reul-iuil."
"I think I need to sleep.”
We listened to the nothingness outside, snow coming down all around us, muffling sound, enveloping us in quiet, our sleeping bags toasty warm from their heater.
In the morning Magnus held the flap of the door open and looked out. “Och, tis a blanket of snow.”
I sat up, my hair matted and sticking all over the place, to see. “Beautiful, how many inches?”
“Looks tae be three inches of snow, twill be about three more.”
“How do you know that?”
“Anyone can see it if ye look at the clouds.”
I fell back down to the bedding. “I feel weak and hot and ouchy, this is not enough padding under my joints, everything hurts. Mind if I stay inside the tent?”
“Aye, stay and rest, I’m going to go relieve m’self and then explore and watch.” He tossed me the walk-n-talk.
“If you happen to see a Starbucks will you get me a latte?”
After an hour or two, checking in by radio, I got up to use the bathroom and then sat in the door of the tent looking out. He sauntered up.
“I love watching you walk through this landscape, you look like you belong here.”
He looked down at me with a glint in his eye. “Yet I am out of time by centuries, how can this be?”
“It’s the landscape, it’s timeless, like you...”
He crouched and warmed his hands over the fire he started before he left. I had managed to keep it going, although I felt weak and tired.
“I feel verra out of time. I just watched a winter hare hoppin’ around. I might hae hunted him for meat, but thought tae m’self, ‘he is survivin’ in the sixteenth century, without a man killin’ him for food, and I am just visitin’. Tis nae fair for a time traveler tae kill him for meat.’”
I said, “Plus, we have the rations.”
“Aye, but we are low on rations, tomorrow I will need tae hunt the hare.”
“Lady Mairead will come tomorrow, we are not going to run out.”
“Are ye feelin’ better?”
“Yes, a little, I think, tired though. Anybody malicious about?”
“Nae. We can stay here once more, and tis a good thing, the snow is still falling.”
That evening I fell in and out of sleep, a little feverish still, sore, my duties were ‘taking care of myself’ while Magnus ‘made the meal, stoked the fire, got me things, and checked on me.’ And then at night, just before bed, the sleeping bags warmed from their solar-powered heaters, he brought me the bowl of snow so that I could pack the cold compresses around my breasts again. I was not wanting a feverish dream like the night before, that had scared the hell out of me. No adrenaline rush, just sleep, and patience, while we waited for help to arrive.
Forty-three - Kaitlyn
The next morning I woke up and my fever had broken. My breasts felt lighter. I got dressed, put on my parka, and went out with Magnus into the snow. It was a wonderland, snow piled all around the tent.
“Wow! Gorgeous! Pristine!” I yanked up my skirts and relieved myself while joking, “Now here is not pristine anymore.”
I packed a snowball and chased him with it, but he was fast, quick on his feet, and spun and high-stepped through the snow... I had on skirts and had recently been sick — I stopped, arms hanging. “I can’t chase you! Too exhausting!”
He pivoted fast, scooped snow and had it down the back of my dress. Then he picked me up and held me while I squealed, snow melting all down my back. Finally, laughing, he let me go and I wiggled to get the snow to fall to the ground. “Brrrr, that was freezing.” I pretended to not be doing anything then scooped snow and flung it at him.