Carefully, he lowered her to his bed, placing her in what felt like a warm beam of sun. She stretched like a cat, watching him peel his t-shirt over his head and snap open the button on his jeans.
His skin was like cream, so beautiful and smooth she had to touch him.
Getting to her knees, she reached for him. She curled her finger in a belt loop, and with a little tug, he was right where she wanted him.
Seok raked his hands through her short curls, fingertips grazing her scalp, and she sighed. He eased her forward until she could kiss right above his belly button. He jumped at the first touch of her lips, and goosebumps broke out along his skin.
One hand left her head to trail down the side of her face. His fingertips were light, tickling her as they moved from her cheek to her neck and then to her shoulder to ease her back.
She lay there for a long moment, letting him look as long as he wanted, but after a while, she started to feel uneasy. He didn’t move, he didn’t touch her, he just looked.
Lifting a hand to his face, she touched his mouth, grazing his lips.
“I don’t deserve this.”
What? She grabbed his hand, dragging him down to the bed then slung a leg over him. Her core lined up perfectly with his hips. His dick was hard, and she couldn’t help a slow glide over it before she focused. “What are you talking about?”
He didn’t answer.
Ah. This was part of the secret. Part of what had been keeping him away from her, from taking this step.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, and his gaze skittered away from her. It was then it hit her. “Are you going somewhere, Seok?” Her throat tightened, but she forced herself to stay calm.
“If I am, it’s not because I want to.”
“Bullshit.” Her voice shook so she swallowed hard. When he glanced away from her, she cupped his chin and brought him back to face her. “You have choices. The only reason to leave is if you’re not happy with me. With this. Otherwise, your entire life is here. Your home. Your friends. Your work. It’s all right here.”
He trailed his hands up her arms to cup her elbows. “The most important part of my life is here. You. I never want to leave you. But I have responsibilities the others don’t. There are expectations I have to meet.”
“Have to?” A dozen thoughts ran through her mind. She hadn’t pushed him, but these cryptic answers were confusing. “What is it?” She pushed his dark hair away from his face and leaned down to kiss him. She kept her hands there, propped on either side of him as he lifted his chin. He nibbled her chin and along her jaw, a clear distraction, and she groaned before sliding back and sitting up.
“When will you tell me?” she asked. “It feels like we have a sword hanging over our head.”
“It’s always been there,” he replied. Her body had been so warm against his but there was a chill in his voice that blasted over her skin.
What the hell was going on? “Seok.”
He sat up, arms going around her back, knees bending to keep her caged in. “Nora. I love you. That will never change.” Mouth crashing against hers, he kissed her. Inhaled her. Devoured her.
Seok had the ability to drive her insane and to push her body to heights she never thought she’d reach. If this kiss was meant to wipe her mind clean of all thoughts, then it worked.
He moved his hands to her neck, one in front and one in back, and squeezed lightly, like a warning. A reminder that while they could bring each other pleasure, there was also the potential for hurt.
She didn’t like that—didn’t like the roughness and the desperation in his touch—so she softened. For each thrust, she rolled. She curled her tongue around his, exploring his taste.
It took all her focus to make her touch light, just a graze, a tease over his back and through his hair. And eventually, he softened as well.
Shifting, he laid her back on the bed, never once ending their kiss. She felt his hands pushing at her pants and helped by kicking off her shoes. He dragged his hands up her sides and pulled her t-shirt over her head then leaned away to study her. The sunlight that had warmed her was suddenly too bright and revealing.
Her body had changed, and she found herself squirming self-consciously under his gaze. What would he think of the pale purple scars marring her brown skin? She was thinner than she’d ever been but also softer. The muscle she’d built from walking everywhere was gone. In fact, one leg was thinner than the other as a result of the walking cast she’d had for so long.
But Seok didn’t look at her like he found her lacking. At the scar on her hip, he pressed a kiss. He held himself over her, trailing kisses down her hip, over her side and to her thigh. He moved all the way to her knee, traced a scar with his tongue, and then pushed her leg to the side, making room for his shoulders.
Seok’s tongue had undone her before, but she didn’t want that now. She wanted him. Inside her. It felt like a cop-out—a way for him to give pleasure without really giving her what she wanted. A connection.
It was so hard to keep her head when he flooded her with sensation. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back. His fingers crept beneath the side of her panties until he found her warm, wet core.
She gasped as cool air flowed over her. He dragged her underwear down her legs and thrust one finger inside her, curling it then pulling it out.
“Seok.” Damn him. She had to keep her head no matter how good he made her feel.
When his mouth touched her core, she exploded. He sucked her clit into her mouth, pulling hard against the engorged nub and then tapped his tongue against her. All the while, his fingers rammed inside her. Over and over.
Damn him.
She was too close, so close it almost hurt to pull away from him, but she did. She squeezed her legs and rolled until she could come up on her knees. He stared up at her, frozen, his body splayed over the bed.
Still. Wearing. His. Jeans.
This was bullshit.
Their relationship wasn’t a one-way street, and she didn’t want a pity fuck. “If you don’t want this Seok, we can stop.”
He pushed himself up, arms flexing. His chin glistened from her, and she swallowed hard.
Kneeling like her, he took her hand and pressed it against his dick. “Does this feel like I don’t want you?”
She curled her hand around him, resisting the urge to push it down his pants and stroke him. “No.”
“I had my tongue buried in your pussy. Do you think that’s because I don’t want you?”
God. Her body heated from her neck to the base of her spine. “No.”
He dropped a hand between them, covering her mound and pushing two fingers inside her. He fucked her slowly, holding her stare the entire time. Lifting his eyebrows, he smiled. “It feels like you want me, too.”
“I want you more than anything.” She took a breath and released it. “But I also want your trust. I want to know what’s frightening you. Something about this…” She struggled to explain her feelings. "As much as I want it—it feels like you’re keeping yourself apart from me.”
He glanced away then, dragging his hands along his jean clad thighs. Standing fast, he pushed his hands through his hair.
“I have to go,” he finally said. “Back to Korea. I thought I would be able to stay here, in America, with all of you, but I’m afraid I fooled myself.”