But how could he possibly quit right now when Brannigan was in danger and he didn’t have a face for the enemy?
Looking up, he saw that the living room was empty. Brannigan had gone upstairs to make his phone calls, leaving Kyou to work in silence. It had been very thoughtful of him and might buy Kyou some more time. He wasn’t down yet, anyway. Kyou went back into it with increased focus, chewing on his bottom lip as he looked. He shifted to the edge of the chair, as if getting closer to the monitors might somehow let him see the crucial clue he’d missed. It had to be here somewhere. Some slip-up. Some mistake. Just one vital clue to who this was.
His heart was racing like he was running a marathon, sweat dotting his temples even in the cool air conditioning. Kyou ignored his body’s signals of discomfort. He was too frenzied, too anxious, to stop now. He needed an answer first and foremost.
A pair of hands landed on his shoulders, and Kyou about leapt out of his skin. He did jump in the chair, head snapping around.
“I’ve been calling you, didn’t you hear me?” Brannigan leaned sideways to look at his face, brows drawn together. “You look worried. What’s wrong?”
“Someone’s searching for us. I’m not sure if their target is you or me, but they seem to be looking for a way to come at me through you. It looks that way. But I can’t put a face to them.”
“Okay, slow down. I’m pretty visible, so why would it take any effort to find me?”
Right, Kyou hadn’t explained that well enough. He fidgeted, wanting to go back to his search, not explain this. But Brannigan needed to understand. “It’s not so much that they’re trying to find you. They’re trying to figure out if you have a direct connection to me. They’re looking for the link so they can find me through you.”
“Ah. That makes more sense.” Brannigan frowned at the monitors. “When did you pick up on this?”
“Shortly after I sat down to work.” Whenever that was. Morning?
“So you’re saying that you’ve been at this for nearly six hours? Did you get up, take a break, stretch, eat?”
Kyou hadn’t even been aware of time passing. “Why are you asking me that? Why aren’t you concerned that I haven’t found this guy yet?”
“Oh, I’m worried about that. I’m more worried that you’ve worked through lunch without a single break. I think you’ve been staring at the problem so long that you’ve lost all perspective on it.” Brannigan took his hands, pulling him forward. “Come on, get up. Take a break from this.”
Kyou stubbornly stayed planted in the chair. “Not until I know who this is. I can’t risk you, Bran. If they don’t get an answer soon, they’ll go the direct route—they’ll go for you and get the information out of you.”
That stopped him for a moment. Brannigan stared at him, evaluating. “I understand your concern. But I’m also in a safe house no one else knows about. I’m safe for now, caro. We have time to figure this out. But you need a break. Some food, water, an hour away from a screen—”
Balking, Kyou shook his head frantically. “What? No! I can’t possibly step away from it that long. This could escalate in a second—”
“Even if it does, we have security everywhere. Have you alerted the rest of the guys about this?”
“No, I…” Kyou faltered, realizing the oversight. “I wanted to know who this was first. I’ll tell them, that’s a good idea, but I can’t step away right now.”
Brannigan was losing patience, Kyou could see it in his face. It was that expression that tipped him over. Kyou absolutely could not handle Brannigan being in danger with any equilibrium. That alone stressed him out. But coupled with Brannigan’s impatience, it was like knocking kindling into a burning fire. On the one hand, Brannigan’s safety was paramount and superseded everything else. On the other, his lover’s wants and needs demanded attention as well. Right then, there was no way to reconcile the two, and Kyou’s anxiety spiked, then went into overdrive.
“Kyou—”
“You can’t do this,” Kyou blurted out, overriding him. “This is exactly what I was afraid of, why I said dating was a bad idea. I have to protect you, and that means time because I can’t always find an immediate answer, but that always means there’s days where I can’t spend any time with you and you have to let me do that, you have to let me work, I can’t spend quality time with you and find who’s after you at the same time, there’s only so much of me to go around and I just can’t—”
Brannigan pulled him around, then knelt between his legs, cradling his head with both of his hands. He maintained eye contact firmly and spoke in a low, soothing tone. “Caro. Name three things you can see.”
The request didn’t make sense. It stopped Kyou dead in his tracks, and he stared at Brannigan, not understanding what he was asking. Or why. “W-what?”
“Name three things you can see.”
His hands were shaking. Kyou’s hands were shaking, he could feel them now for some reason. His breath was high and frantic, his heartbeat so loud in his own ears that he couldn’t hear Brannigan’s voice properly. Was he hyperventilating? A cold sweat poured down the center of his back.
“Please, caro. Three things.”
“Y-your eyes.” Kyou blinked his own, trying to focus. “My hands. Your shirt.”
“Good, that’s good. Three things you can touch.”
Grounding. That’s what Brannigan was trying to do for him. Kyou recognized the technique; he’d researched and used it a few times on himself, preventing himself from having an attack. His mind dreamily reported all of this, but the information didn’t seem to make it through the wall of panic surrounding his emotions. “My jeans, they’re rough. Your skin is smooth and warm. The desk is cool.”
“Good. Three things you can smell.”
“Your cologne. My stale coffee. Mint?”
“I had mint chocolate earlier.” Brannigan flashed him a quick there-and-gone-again smile. He leaned in to press a chaste kiss against Kyou’s forehead. “Alright. Better?”
Kyou no longer felt like the world was spinning out of control. He couldn’t say that he was feeling much better about the situation otherwise. And having an anxiety attack right in front of his lover was beyond embarrassing. “Yeah. I guess. Bran—”
“Shh. I can see the apology already on your face and you shouldn’t be the one apologizing. You were very clear the night we started dating what your needs and fears were. I wasn’t listening to you properly, and I should have been. We’ll talk more about this, and I swear I’ll do a better job the second time. But for right now, I want you to call your friends in. If for no other reason than to tell them that something is wrong.”
That was fair. And Kyou felt better for having something constructive to do.
He turned back to the computer and texted everyone at once. Someone’s targeting me. Don’t know who. Return to safe house ASAP.
The response was more immediate than he’d planned for, as he had Ari, Carter, and Ivan all in the living room in under ten seconds. Then again, everyone else had been resting after last night’s shenanigans and leisurely packing the place back up. Kyou would have thought they would be gone by now, but as previously demonstrated, he hadn’t been paying attention to the outside world.