The questions go around and around, and at some point, I fall asleep again. When I wake up, the bed is empty. So is the room. I lie there for a few minutes, waiting for Gordo to appear with coffee and croissants.
Would it be so bad? Letting Gordo wait on me hand and foot. He would. Even if he were paying the bills, he’d still be the one making sure I was happy.
And if I’m trying to find a new job, if I’m moving and shaking on top of doing the job I already have, where does Gordo fit into this? Because he’s here with me this weekend, but he doesn’t want to be my permanent plus-one for every happy hour. That’s not who he is. I may have misjudged his sexuality, but I still know him.
In the question of my career or a relationship with Gordo, I’m starting to worry it really is an either-or proposition.
He’s not coming back. I’ve been lying here for thirty minutes and I’m still alone.
I push up on my elbows, and my heart stops.
His bag is gone. His ugly, eyesore Elvis bag, which I thought was a harbinger of things to come when we arrived, isn’t on the luggage stand.
He wouldn’t leave, would he? Our flight’s not for a few more hours. He wouldn’t hop in a cab and just go. Or spend one or two of his millions and charter a flight home. I told him I needed space to think, but he wouldn’t leave me all alone here, would he?
I check my phone. There’s a text from about thirty minutes ago. Maybe the thing that woke me up. All it says is, We need to talk.
Yeah. In the light of day, we really do. I text back.
Where are you?
Pool. With Elias.
Ugh. I regret anything I might have insinuated about Elias and Gordo yesterday, but I still don’t want to see the Emu man this morning.
Jake?
I get a thumbs up that doesn’t tell me anything.
Gordo. Is Jake there?
At least this time he replies with words.
Coast is clear.
I drag my heels getting down there. Jake’s a sneaky fucker. If Elias is there, Jake must be waiting in the wings somewhere. I stop and grab a coffee and a muffin, but finally I’m out of ways to procrastinate that don’t involve alcohol or losing huge sums of money.
Like yesterday morning, the pool deck is empty. And cold. Jesus, these daily temperature swings are vicious. Gordo and Elias are seated on a couple loungers in one of the few spots the sun has touched. They’re both still wearing jackets and have cozy-looking woven blankets wrapped around their knees. Gordo’s rhinestone bag is on the ground next to his chair.
“Hey,” he says as I approach.
“Good morning.” I toast Elias with my coffee, and he waves cheerily at me.
I go to sit down, but Gordo catches my wrist. “No. Come here. It’s cold.”
And I shouldn’t, because we can’t get more attached until I know what’s going to happen, but I spent all night wanting to touch him, and now he’s smiling his soft smile at me, and I’m helpless to resist. So I slide onto the lounger between his spread legs, settling against his chest. He wraps the blanket around us both, and Jesus, this is nice. I can’t give this up. No job is worth losing Gordo. He offers way too many benefits.
I nibble on my muffin and listen absently while Elias and Gordo talk about the finer points of emu husbandry. They’re such nerds. Elias obviously has appalling taste in men, but otherwise I do see how he’d be a good friend for Gordo.
Also, I keep waiting for him to excuse himself or for Gordo to start dropping subtle hints that he should go so that Gordo and I can talk, but he keeps chatting like somehow we’re all a unit now.
As I start to get restless, Gordo says, “Elias has something he needs to tell you.”
I tip my head up to glance at him, and he’s watching me through all his bushy hair. He’s back to his usual self today. Scruffy clothes, scruffy mop hair. I love this version of him so much. The other one, the slick polished one, is impressive. It’s seductive. But this one is mine. He bends down to kiss me, and yes, this is my choice. I choose Gordo.
For a second, I forget we have an audience and lean into the kiss. Thank God we have the blanket, because my body is responding to him, and Gordo is either keeping a flashlight in his pocket, or he is very happy to see me too. But eventually, he pulls back, nosing at my jaw until I have to turn my head back toward Elias, who is watching us with a bemused smile.
I sigh. “Whatever it is, say it.” I leave the and then you can go unsaid, but I hope he gets it.
Elias nods. He says, “Jake is using you.”
Please. “Tell me something I don’t know. When isn’t he using someone?” Probably shouldn’t say that out loud to his boyfriend, but I’m done playing nice.
“No,” Elias shakes his head. “No, he’s really using you. He’s trying to save his job.”
I sit up straighter. Behind me, Gordo doesn’t move, like nothing Elias is saying is a surprise.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Elias says slowly, “when they announced the merger, Jake’s job was made redundant. Too many layers of management. Not enough efficiency. He was furious. Desperate. He begged. Saw your name on the staff list and said he knew you. That you were the best in the business, and if they kept him on, that he and you would work together to turn things around.”
“He said that?” I say. Some perverse part of me, maybe the preteen part that still lives both in terror and in awe of Jake, thrills at the recognition.
“He did more than say it,” Elias says. “He practically wrote a dissertation. He got a tip-off that they were going to let him go, and he spent two days writing up a report on your performance and how he could use it. He had your sales figures, your close rates. He promised if he could keep his job, he’d figure out how you did it and roll it out across the whole company.”
My brain cramps as I try to figure out what he’s saying. “So he begged his way back in by promising to ride my coattails?”
“He said you were friends from when you were kids. That you’d be unstoppable together.”
Something Ed said the day before comes back to me. That Jake had been singing my praises from before the merger closed. Is this what Ed meant? That Jake looked me up like a creepy corporate stalker and then staked his job on my performance.
I glance up at Gordo. “You knew about this?”
“Elias told me last night. I told him how upset you were.”
I’m not sure I’m keen on Elias knowing my personal emotional trauma, but if it means revelations like this, I guess I can work with it.
“Your boyfriend is a supreme jackass,” I say.
Elias grimaces. “I thought he was just Type A. I’m learning my mistake, trust me.”
That snivelling, manipulative, self-obsessed asshole. It’s all been a lie, from that first day in the conference room. He wasn’t surprised to see me. He’d known I’d be there. Counted on it, in fact, because I was the only one who could save his skin. And here I’ve been, working my ass off for guys like Lachlan, and it’s been Jake in the background pulling the strings the whole time.
I squirm, pulling up to my knees so I can face Gordo. I kiss him with every ounce of my heart. His eyes shine when I pull back. I say, “I love you.”
He smiles. “I know.”