“Bailey and Boudreaux on their way?”
“I imagine so. Bailey won’t want to miss this.”
Sean nodded and tapped his fingers on his thigh, then he said, so softly I almost missed it, “Come over here.”
God, I wanted to. It took me actually gripping the foot rail of his bed not to. But in the end, common sense prevailed. “I think it might be better if I stay here.”
Sean’s brow furrowed, and I could see the frustration but also the understanding.
“You’re the main reason I’ve been on my best behavior this last week. You know that, right?” When I merely stared at him, Sean ran his eyes down over me and sighed. “Having you this close and not being able to touch you is driving me insane. I want out of this bed, Xander. I want out of this hospital. I want to be somewhere no one else is, so I can finally ask you how you are and be able to hold you when you tell me you’re not okay. Because I can see it…”
My eyes stung, and I whispered, “I want that too.”
4
Sean
FRUSTRATED DIDN’T EVEN come close to how I was feeling as I stared at Xander at the end of my bed.
This past week had felt like an eternity. Between surgery and recovery, everyone who walked through my hospital room door had told me that my only job was to heal and get better.
Not a hard thing to do when you were laid up in bed and monitored around the clock. But switching your brain off? That was a hell of a lot more difficult. Granted, mine had been stuck on pause for a day or two, courtesy of some really kickass drugs. But once they’d worn off, and the events of that night came trickling back in, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who was in need of some healing.
Xander was struggling. I could see it on his face, hear it in his voice, and sense it in every move he made. He was here twenty-four seven, and yet he wasn’t always here. There’d be moments where I’d catch him staring off into space, the expression in his eyes tormented, and where he went during that time was what worried me.
I’d remembered most of what happened that night. The brain-numbing thank-you speeches, the suspect rushing Xander and then going head to head with me. I remembered the knife in my side before I’d gotten off the final shot, but after that, things got a little fuzzy.
But the haunted look in Xander’s eyes told me he remembered everything.
“Xander. Come here.” I could tell by his torn expression that he wanted to, but was holding himself back. He hadn’t left the hospital since the moment he’d arrived with me. Had been within calling, walking, or touching distance for the last seven days. However, after that first night, when he’d held my hand and told me he wasn’t going anywhere, he’d been careful not to touch me. He’d withdrawn and pulled back from everyone.
It was subtle, and Bailey and Kieran—even Boudreaux—were so caught up in making sure that I was okay that they’d overlooked the other member of our family. That was about to end.
I might not remember all the details just yet, but one thing I recalled with startling clarity was how I’d felt before we’d gone to the awards dinner. How I’d felt when Xander stepped out of his bedroom dressed like a million dollars.
My heart had tripped all over itself at the vision he made, and I would’ve done just about anything to make him mine. A sentiment that still rang true.
“Sean, I think it’s best if I—”
“Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty.” My youngest brother, Kieran, strolled into the room with a big grin on his mug and a box of donuts in hand. “Just saw Nurse Win in the hall. She tells me that today’s the day as long as you behave yourself.”
Kieran chuckled as he came to a stop next to Xander and clapped him on the shoulder. Xander took the donuts and flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Not that Kieran noticed.
But again, I was paying attention. Kieran wasn’t.
“Yep, that’s what she told us too,” I said as Xander placed the box of donuts on the table tray by the wall.
“Sooo, basically you’re gonna be stuck in here another year if it’s based on you behaving.”
“Fuck off. The sooner I’m out of here, the better. I can’t wait to wear something that doesn’t have my ass hanging out the back of it.”
“No shit, especially if reporters come sniffing around asking about Xander’s big, brave date who saved him. You’re all over the news. Isn’t that right, Xander?”
“He sure is.” Xander turned to face us with a pile of napkins in hand. “Most of the facts have been kept vague, though, so I’m not worried. It’ll die off eventually. You want the Ensure or broth this morning, Sean?”
I screwed my nose up. “How about a chocolate-covered donut?”
Kieran scoffed. “How about no. Plus, I only bought those glazed cake ones that Xander eats.”
“Which I appreciate very much. Thank you Kieran.”
Kieran shrugged. “In all fairness, it wasn’t really my idea. Bay thought you might want something other than—”
“Cafeteria food and lukewarm coffee.” Bailey’s voice filled the room as he stepped through the door carrying a tray with four coffees, Boudreaux close on his heels. “We just got the update from Win. She says Dr. Marx will be around to see you soon.”
“So I heard.”
As my room went from two to five in the blink of an eye, Bailey walked over to Xander and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. “How are you doing? You must be thrilled he’s going home today. Now you can finally go home and sleep in your bed.”
Xander returned the embrace, and something in my gut twisted. Something a lot like…jealousy. Shit.
“It hasn’t been that bad.” Xander took one of the coffees from the tray and glanced at me. “I’m just happy he’s feeling better. That’s the main thing.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Boudreaux said from the corner, where he was propping up a wall with his shoulder. “I kind of enjoyed drugged-up Dick. He didn’t talk.”
I flipped the fucker off, and had to admit that it felt good to have the energy to be able to lift my arm to do it.
“Henri,” Bailey said, but his smile was the first I’d seen all week. He looked happy, in love, and relieved to see me finally looking human again.
“So what’s the plan?” Bailey said. “Win told me you’re going to have to take things easy for a while. No heavy lifting, no driving, no exercise for at least a couple of weeks.”
Yeah, my future looked so thrilling that I could barely contain my excitement.
Xander walked over and handed me the bottle of Ensure. I narrowed my eyes on him, and he smirked. “Drink it.”
I took it from him and shook it a little harder than necessary, then uncapped it and swallowed the first unappetizing gulp. I aimed a tight-lipped grin Xander’s way. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic. Now finish it.”
As he walked away, Bailey smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, then moved to take a seat at the end of the bed.
“So, I want to talk to you about something,” Bailey said.
Oh, shit, I could tell by his tone that whatever it was, I wasn’t going to like it.