“Do you have a better idea?”
“Yes. Not to intermingle with them at all.”
Syssi arched a brow. “Do you want to run that by the single ladies?” She leaned forward. “And what about you? Don’t you want to be with Rufsur?”
“What I want is irrelevant. The clan’s future is more important than anyone’s individual happiness, and I’m not going to jeopardize my people’s safety for selfish reasons.”
Shaking her head, Syssi leaned back. “You are thinking in black and white, Edna, while life is a million shades of gray. Things never fit neatly into the little boxes we would love to stuff them in. Life is chaotic, and unless we can be flexible and willing to compromise, our boxes will remain vacant. I, for one, prefer a messy box to an empty one.”
10
Amanda
The clicking noise her own heels made on the pavement annoyed Amanda. Hell, everything had been annoying her lately, and keeping her agitation hidden from her loved ones, as well as everyone else, was becoming more and more difficult.
She hadn’t been feeling well for days, and since immortals didn’t get sick, the logical explanation was the one she dreaded most.
Unlike the rest of the clan females, she didn’t want to be pregnant. If she could help it, she would never become a mother again.
Once had been enough for her, and she’d barely survived it.
There was no way Amanda was willing to go through even a fraction of that grief again. Even a scraped knee or a loose tooth would be too much for her to deal with, and children were way messier than that. They liked to run around, get into all kinds of mischief, and get themselves killed.
Most people lived in denial, thinking that it would never happen to them, that it couldn’t, but it had happened to her, and she wouldn’t wish that pain on her worst enemy.
Well, maybe she would wish it on Navuh.
Nah, not even on him. But then he had suffered worse. Carol had learned from Areana that a child he’d adopted and loved as his own had been murdered by a jealous concubine.
No wonder that the guy had gone crazy.
Not that it excused his many terrible sins, but she understood his pain. When her sweet boy had died, if she could have, Amanda would have destroyed the entire world. Fortunately for everyone else on the planet, she wasn’t that powerful.
In time, she’d somehow managed to cope with the grief, but she’d never gotten over it. Except, unlike Navuh, Amanda had come back from the brink of insanity and had dedicated her life to doing good, not evil like her clan’s arch enemy.
“Damn!” Amanda cursed as her heel got caught in a groove between paving stones, and she pitched forward, regaining balance by sheer force of determination.
She had no time for messy falls. She had to get home and pee on the damn stick before Dalhu got back.
What was she going to do if she was pregnant?
Freak out, that’s what.
As much as she was terrified of having another child, she would never resort to abortion. That was anathema. Not only because the clan needed her to procreate but because she would never destroy a life that she had created together with Dalhu, even if it was still just the size of a grain of sand.
It wasn’t that she was fundamentally against abortions. In some cases, it was justifiable, and she would never want women to be denied that choice when pregnancy was the result of nonconsensual sex, like in cases of rape or incest. Others had severe health problems that pregnancy could worsen, and then there were the cases of unviable fetuses that wouldn’t survive after birth. But none of that applied to her, and fear, or even the risk to her sanity couldn’t justify that. If she didn’t want the baby, there were plenty of immortal females who would gladly raise it. Heck, her mother would take the child in a heartbeat.
Amanda stopped dead in her tracks.
That was the solution. If she was pregnant, when her time came, she would move to Alaska and stay with her mother until her child transitioned. If it was a girl, it would happen in no time. But even if it was a boy, she would stay at her mother’s until he reached puberty.
The sanctuary was the safest place on earth, and she would have her child watched every minute of the day and night. Heck, he or she would sleep with her and Dalhu in their bed until he or she transitioned, even if it was a boy, for whom it wouldn’t happen until his teens.
Amanda didn’t care if people thought that was weird.
Screw everyone and their opinions. This child was not going to die.
Feeling a little lighter, she made the rest of her way home at an easier pace. It was still damn fast compared to her usual stroll, but she had an appointment with a plastic stick that she wanted to get over with.
In the house, Amanda forced a quick smile for Onidu and ducked into the bathroom.
Once the deed was done, she stayed seated on the toilet and held the wand in front of her. Staring at it, she willed it to do absolutely nothing.
Well, except for the line in the control window that showed that the test was valid. She didn’t want to have to repeat the process because the stick wasn’t working right. It said on the box that the result would show up after one minute, but to give it up to five minutes just in case.
She didn’t have to wait that long.
Less than a minute later, the big red plus sign appeared.
She was pregnant.
With shaky hands, Amanda put the test back into the box it came in, dropped it in the wastebasket and pulled out her phone from her purse, all without bothering to get off the toilet or pull her pants back up.
“Amanda? What a nice surprise.”
The moment her mother answered, the waterworks started.
“What happened, Mindy? Why are you crying?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Congratulations! I am overjoyed.”
“I’m not. I’m terrified.”
“Oh, sweetheart. Do not torment yourself so, my daughter. The Fates would not be that cruel to you again.”
A wretched sob erupted from her chest. “They had no reason to be cruel to me before, Mother, but they were. Who is to say that they wouldn’t do it again?”
“I do. You will come to stay with me. Dalhu will, of course, accompany you, and we will keep your child safe. The entire sanctuary will watch his or her every move.”
Amanda wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “You’ve read my mind. That’s exactly what I’m planning to do. I’m going to quit my job at the university and come live with you. Hopefully, I’m having a girl, so I’ll be able to get back to work in a year or two. But if it’s a boy, I’m staying until he is thirteen.” She chuckled through her tears. “You’ll have to tolerate my annoying presence.”
“There is nothing annoying about you, my sweet Mindy, and I would love to have you here with me. Your brother won’t be happy to lose you, though.”
“Are you kidding me? Kian would love to get rid of me.”
“Not true, and you know that.”
“Yeah, I do. It was true a few years ago, though. Especially when I hooked up with Dalhu.”
“That is all in the past, Amanda. Leave it where it belongs and look forward to your bright new future.”
Amanda snorted. “Full-time motherhood is not what I would call a bright future.”