I sighed, “I don’t know what it is, it’s not Vicki. She’s a nice girl, and eager to please. I think that it’s because she’s our stepsister. That bothers me more. Am I that bad when you talk about her?”
He nodded, “Damn, you used the word 'nice’ like it’s a fucking disease. Every time I mention her name, you get all defensive or aggressive, even sometimes a little bit of both. The problem is that I don’t think that you really understand or even know yourself the real reason why you do it. Maybe getting close to her is too much for you to handle?”
I shrugged thinking about Vicki, and the time that we had together. I did feel at ease at the time, but then maybe I was wrong. It did feel like a million years ago, and right now, it was the furthest thing from my mind.
“Good you’re still here,” Hawk said as we stood in the hallway waiting for him to show up.
“Yeah I think that we all need to talk,” I said taking the lead, and I could tell that Trent was surprised, because I didn’t say that I had to talk to Hawk, more that he wanted to talk to us about the party.
I was surprised to see that Hawk looked as if he was going over the edge. This was a sign, a sign that I only saw when he was close to drinking. I’d come to know the signs too well.
“Come,” Hawk said as he took the lead, and walked in front of us.
I realized as he was leading us first to the salon that he’d changed his mind, and decided that we should talk in the library. That meant that I was right, that he was tempted to drink, and that was why he walked away from the one place that had so much liquor.
We changed direction and walked towards the library, but then Trent suggested the kitchen because he was feeling a little hungry. I was thinking that he must be starving. Trent hated eating in the house. He claimed that Carlton’s chair, which no one sat in, was still haunted by his spirit. Trent never hid his fear of Carlton when he was alive, and when the man died, Trent said that he was too happy to pretend to be sad. He stayed in the house and got drunk instead on the day of his funeral. Sure, he was young, but he drank for the first time when Carlton died and I wished that it was the last time.
We had to talk about all the shit that Claire had done, and all the shit that would happen as a result of it all. We needed a plan about the future, because I couldn’t do this all alone. I needed both of them to help.
Chapter Nine
“Did I just hear you right?” Hawk said as he moved the chicken bone to the side of the plate as if it was a disease that he didn’t want to catch, and I watched him eat the rest of his potatoes with such force, it was as if he hadn’t eaten for a week. I looked at his face properly and realized that he probably hadn’t eaten for a while, and this was the reason why he was eating so much this time of day.
“Yeah” I said as I finished giving Hawk the lowdown on Claire hiring a PI to find Vicki’s stepdad.
“The police couldn’t find him. How the hell did she manage it?” Trent shook his head, not wanting to know the answer to his own question, “I don’t want to know.”
Hawk said, “None of this makes any sense. It’s like I’m watching my own nightmare from a distance, and I can’t wake-up.”
Trent was confused when I first told him, and as I started to repeat it, he just stared at me. He was a lot calmer than I thought he would be. I thought that he would storm out of here, but he didn’t he just stopped, and listened as if he was tired of running from our problems, and wanted to face them like a man.
Hawk brushed his hand through his hair, “As if I don’t have enough to deal with at the moment.”
“You mean Mom?” Trent snarled at Hawk.
He answered the question, “Yes, your mom. I had to put her in rehab. As you can see, she is not in any fit state to do anything. I saw all types of pills, drugs in her bag. She speaks gibberish and looks a mess. I tried taking care of her, but this is not my duty. I haven’t seen her for years, she turns up when she feels like it, and demands money as if I’m some sort of bank. I’m tired of it, and I want out!”
Hawk raised his voice at the last word, waiting for Trent to challenge him, and I couldn’t believe that Hawk was angry. The silence from Trent meant that he was just as shocked as I was, and this was why he remained silent.
That didn’t stop Hawk saying exactly what was on his mind as he let it all flood out, “Between you boys entertaining your stepsister, and Vicki having to leave, then this party? I don’t even have time to sit and enjoy a decent meal at the moment.”
He took in a deep breath and I thought about the years that we’d known Hawk, the times that he’d caught Mom in bed with another man, not just once but twice, and never, ever did he raise his voice or lose his cool. It was as if he had that shit locked up so tightly, and just now, he’d let it escape. He took off his jacket and put it neatly behind the chair as he took a deep breath as if he was trying to calm his nerves.
“I told Vicki before she left, and I think that it’s only right to tell you both, that I am seeking a divorce from your Mom. I’ve started the procedures a number of times over the years, when she’d fall off the wagon, and then she’d get back on it again, and every time I try and talk to her about it, she says she needs time. I’m not willing to give her anymore.”
“Every time? So, you’ve always known where she is, and can get in contact with her?” Trent asked, but I felt that his question was redundant from the moment Hawk said that he had tried several times.
“Who do you think manages her and your finances? Otherwise it would all be gone.”
I sighed thinking that there was some good news, this meant that there was some money left, even though judging by the look of things, not that much.
“But we still have the house. I mean that never sold. It’s just empty?” Trent asked Hawk.
“Your old house. The one that you were conceived in, and your dad tried to burn? That house?”
Trent nodded as Hawk went on about the house. “That one was sold a long time ago. She either smoked it or sniffed the profits up her nose or injected it. The one in the Caribbean, I sold, and put in a trust for you boys years ago, so when you turn twenty-one if you want to go to medical or law school, or even be a bum, then you can be. There’s enough money to last you a while, but not a lifetime.”
I nodded, because it was the first time that we’d discussed finances, and it was good to know that we had a future, which Hawk had taken care of, otherwise we would be fucked, and then it dawned on me.
“So, there’s enough money for our educations?” I asked, just to be sure.
Hawk replied, “That’s taken care of. I sold another house for you to have enough money to get your bachelor’s degrees, and put money away for you to live on until you get done with that and go into a master’s program when you’re 21. You have enough to become lawyers or doctors if you want to. So, you don’t have to worry about that either. Basically you’re secure financially when our divorce finally comes through, so you don’t need to worry about that.”
“I see,” seemed to be the only words I could muster, and Trent looked away saying, “Thanks.”