She lets the thought hang in the air. It’s not the first time she’s told me some version of her history like this. Sometimes when she gets wasted, she’ll come in my room and tell me she wished she never had me or that if she knew how shitty her life would turn out, I wouldn’t have made it past the first trimester.
“I am so grateful that you chose to give me life, Tonya. But that is not a bargaining chip for you to use against me. Not anymore.” Tonya is completely slack-jawed. I never talk back to her. “I’m an adult, and while I pay rent for my room in the trailer, we don’t have a formal lease, so I’m not legally obligated to you or the trailer. I just wanted to do right by you and let you know of my plans.”
I stand up and lay down $150 on the table.
“That should be enough to cover your steak dinner and wine. I’ll find my own way back home.”
I scoot out from behind the table, but before I can get away, Tonya grabs my arm and yanks me down. Hard. Because of my weak ankle, I stumble a bit and end up on the floor by her chair with her hand still wrapped around my arm in a vice grip.
She smiles down at me with an evil glint in her eye.
“You, Liza, are trash. You have always been trash, and you will always be trash. You ruin everything you touch – always breaking shit and causing messes. I’m your mom, so I have to put up with you. But do you think anyone else will? Do you really think you’ll be able to find a roommate, or god, a boyfriend?” She scoffs at that last one, and it hurts more than she can possibly know.
All of my doubts come flooding in again. She’s right. God, she knows me better than anyone, and all of that was proven today by the way Nikolai just left me.
She knows she has me right where she wants me. One look at her and I can tell she’s about to go in for the kill.
My arm twists in her grip, and I’m sure it’s going to leave a bruise. I whimper, and she bends down, close to my face.
“That’s right, little bitch, cry for mommy—"
“Enough!” The familiar, deep, Russian accent booms from the middle of the restaurant.
I look up and see Nikolai striding towards us. Tonya freezes but doesn’t let go of me. Nikolai closes the distance in a matter of seconds.
Tonya cranes her neck to look up at Nikolai and drops my hand instantly. I scoot away from her so she can’t get to me again. Her harsh glare and evil smile morph into her most seductive smile and bedroom eyes. The idea of her trying to hook up with Nikolai has me burning with jealous rage, though I’m not sure why. He made it pretty clear that he wants nothing to do with me.
But then why is he here? Tonya’s words break into my thoughts. She’s using her sweet, honey voice.
“We were just chatting, handsome,” she croons. “Liza here fell. She’s quite accident prone.”
Nikolai steps in between my mother and I. My heart sinks.
Is he really falling for her shit? And is he really going to flirt with her right in front of me? Clearly something inside of me is very broken for me to have thought I freaking loved this man no more than an hour ago.
“Stay away from her,” Niko spits out at my mother.
I’m shocked, and so is Tonya.
“Wha… why? What?” She stammers.
“Stay. Away. She’s mine.”
Mine. My stupid heart beats faster in my chest. Niko turns and offers me his hand. I slip mine in his, instantly comforted by his strength as he pulls me up off of the ground and tucks me into his side, wrapping his large arm around my waist to keep me close. I should be mad at him, but all I can feel is safe and warm.
Tonya switches gears once she realizes he’s here for me and not her.
Her eyes narrow and she spits out, “And who the hell are you?”
“Nikolai,” he says as if it’s obvious and she’s stupid for not realizing who he is.
Tonya cuts her eyes to me and I feel Nikolai’s grip tighten around my waist.
“Is he the reason you’re moving out? The reason you think you’re so much better than me? I have no idea what he sees in your chubby ass, but he’ll bolt when he realizes what a burden it is to be around you.”
Nikolai growls and I can’t help but smile. Her words should be clawing at my heart like they did just a few short minutes ago, but standing next to Niko, they seem to have absolutely no impact on me. I place my hand on Niko’s chest like I did in the diner to calm him down.
He looks at me and his eyes immediately soften. I melt into him a little more.
“It’s ok, Niko. Please just get me out of here.”
He bends over and gives me a kiss on my forehead. Then, he glares at my mom.
“You don’t talk to her. Ever. Don’t look at her. Don’t think about her. You are not worthy of her presence. She will be moving in with me and she will no longer be needing you.”
Tonya’s jaw drops. She is completely unable to form words.
As I’m reveling in her speechless state, I’m vaguely aware of Niko bending down and placing an arm on the back of my legs before scooping me up in his embrace. I squeal in surprise and Niko walks out of the restaurant, leaving Tonya gaping after us.
Once outside, he sets me down and leans me against the wall of the bistro. I open my mouth to ask his what the hell that was all about, or why the fuck he left me, or who the hell does he think he is… but his mouth crashes against mine and I can’t think of anything but his soft lips.
He licks the seam of my lips and I open for him. His tongue slips in my mouth as he devours me in slow, demanding strokes. Each swipe of his tongue against mine wipes away the pain and doubts of the last hour, leaving behind a need like I’ve never known. Niko’s hand tangles in my hair and angles my head to deepen the kiss, while his other hand caresses and massages my ass, pulling me closer into him until I can feel his hardness press into my soft tummy.
I moan at the contact, and Niko takes the opportunity to nuzzle my neck, nipping and kissing a trail down to my collar bone. The hand at my ass moves up to squeeze my breast and something about that breaks the spell.
“Stop,” I pant.
Niko immediately pulls away from me and looks at me with such worry in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, dusha moya, I didn’t mean to take advantage of you, I’m sorry…” He pleads.
“No, Niko, not that. I… that was…” I blush, not even knowing how to form words to describe the way his mouth felt on my skin, his fingers exploring my body.
He tucks some loose hair behind my ear and winds his fingers around the nape of my neck, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. He is still searching my eyes with concern.
I clear my throat and strengthen my resolve.
“I’m mad at you.” I try to give him my best stern look, but I still feel like mush after his kisses.
“I know,” his eyes fall and his shoulders slump.
“You left me, Niko. Like I meant nothing to you.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, dusha moya. I thought… I thought I was protecting you.”
“Protecting me?”
“Yes. From myself. I’m no good. I’m no good for you.” His words tear up my insides. If anything, he’s too good for me. I’ll never deserve the kindness he’s shown me today. But he left, and it hurt, and I’m still upset.