Only Veronica has a mild interest in the arts, doing watercolor paintings of landscapes when she can. She doesn’t sell them though, despite years of Claudio trying to convince her to let his gallery carry them. She says that would take all the fun away and it would no longer be a relaxing activity to her.
“If you sell my paintings, it is a job,” she says with a dramatic wave of her hands. “It is no longer a hobby. It is no longer something I do for my soul.”
Claudio and I exchange a knowing look. I’m sure he feels the same way I do, in that when I was writing stories for fun, it was a completely different experience. The pressure wasn’t there, the creativity came easily and free-flowing. Now, well, here we are, lucky to be doing what we do, but terribly aware that luck runs out when you’re not creating.
“So, Jana is your agent, yes?” Maria asks me.
Giada and Veronica exchange a dark look.
I nod. “She is. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here.”
“That’s very interesting,” she says carefully.
I raise my brows, wondering what she’s getting at. I sneak a glance at Claudio and his face has hardened, a look I don’t see on him too often.
“How so?” I ask.
“Well,” she says, sitting back in her chair, holding two fingers in the air. She ticks off one. “For one, we haven’t seen Jana here since … well, I suppose since she went to London and never looked back.” She ticks off another finger. “For two … no, I suppose that’s it. You’re here on behalf of Jana, and yet that woman has nothing to do with our lives.”
“Maria,” Claudio says coldly. “She has plenty to do with my life.”
A current of jealousy runs through me, catching me off-guard.
“Is that so?” Maria asks, not looking even a little intimidated by his steely tone. “Then tell me, why is it she never comes here? Tell me why Vanni so rarely goes to see her? The woman does not care for you, does not care for Vanni. So don’t pretend like she has something to do with your life.” She pauses and adds something in Italian. Judging by her tone, it’s not good.
I sit there quietly, feeling extremely self-conscious, my eyes darting between Maria and Claudio’s face-off. Veronica and Giada’s eyes are doing the same.
Claudio looks like he’s simmering, his face darkening, a deep crease between his brows. Is this a prelude to him losing his temper, which he has warned me about before?
“She is the mother of my child,” he manages to say, each word hard and deliberate. “And anything you want to say, you better say in English so Jana’s client can hear you.”
Maria looks at me, nonplussed. “Does this bother you? You are friends with Jana?”
I shake my head, flashing my palms in surrender. “Oh, this is none of my business.”
“Uh huh,” Maria says slowly. “I think it is your business. If you and my brother are together, then well…”
Oh my god. She’s not insinuating we’re, like, a couple, is she?
I glance at Claudio in confusion, but he’s not looking at me for once.
“Jana is still a presence in my son’s life,” Claudio says carefully, ignoring what she said. “Therefore, she is still a presence in mine. She will not be disrespected by you, or by anyone.”
I stare down at the orange bubbles in my drink, a tense silence coming over the table. In the distance a rooster crows.
Knowing how complicated Jana and Claudio’s relationship is, it’s refreshing that he defends his ex-wife when I’m sure many men would not.
On the other hand, this is a stark reminder for me that Jana is very much a part of Claudio’s life—contrary to what Maria might think—and that any feelings I have for Claudio, crush or otherwise, don’t have a place here. No matter how badly I want Claudio to want me, I know that the two of us could never be a thing. It just couldn’t happen. Jana makes a triangle, whether I like it or not, and there is no point in making my own life more complicated, let alone Claudio’s.
Giada opens her mouth to say something to break up the ice that’s formed between the siblings, when suddenly Vanni and his cousin come barreling out of the house.
“Papà,” Vanni whines to his father. “Sono molto affamato!”
From the way he’s clutching his stomach, I assume he’s talking about wanting dinner. I think everyone is just grateful for the interruption.
“Sì, sì,” Claudio says, getting to his feet and heading inside. Again, he doesn’t look this way, which leaves me feeling a little bereft.
Thankfully, Maria and her sisters move the conversation on to other topics, and we end up eating dinner at the big table on the veranda. Things seem easy again, with everyone in a good mood, and the wine flowing, and the sisters sparring on and off, but for whatever reason, Claudio never meets my gaze. I’m not sure what to make of it, but it’s noticeable and I hate it. I feel like I did something wrong but I have no idea what.
It isn’t until later, when I excuse myself and head up to my room, that I realize he never corrected his sister when she said that we were together.
Eleven
Grace
Time is a funny thing.
It’s been nearly a week since Claudio’s sisters were here.
It’s been the slowest week of my life.
Time has absolutely been dragging on by, which for a writer, is often a good thing because it always feels like we never have enough time to write.
But it’s different now.
Claudio has put some distance between us. It’s like what Maria said about Jana shocked him into remembering that I’m just as tied up in Jana as he is. Before he was all flirty banter and simmering looks, and now, well, it’s not that he looks at me coldly … his gaze is still warm, his smile still genuine.
It’s that it’s like he pulls his eyes away quicker, his smile fades before mine does, and before there were many instances of him getting in my space, asking me questions, always around me. Now he gets up and goes to his studio, and the door closes and that’s it. I’ll see him doing something with Vanni, but it seems like father and son bonding and I don’t want to get involved. The only time I see him is during mealtimes, the only chance for us to talk.
But the problem is, once the meal is over, it all comes to an end. We go our separate ways again.
It shouldn’t matter what Claudio does. It’s his house and he has his own busy life, and I’m…just the guest.
But when you get used to something and it’s taken away…
Well, sometimes you end up wanting it more.
And this week has dragged on because I know I have two opportunities to be with him again. There’s tonight, for the INXS concert, although Vanni is coming with us too. And then there’s tomorrow night for the gallery.
So, yeah. I’ve been reduced to pining for the moment to be alone with him again and it’s fucking killing me.
Not to mention it’s killing my book. It’s hard to focus and concentrate when your mind keeps being pulled elsewhere. Which means I’m kind of screwed, because it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Either way, Claudio is on my mind too much for my own good.