The adrenaline high is like nothing I’ve felt before. There’s nothing to compare it to. Maybe—though I’ve never done either—it’s like skydiving or bungee jumping, because each second of being filmed feels like it’s comparable to free falling.
Knowing Valentina is here is comforting, but it isn’t her I’m looking for in my moments of doubt.
It’s Ryan.
Every time my eyes find his, something settles inside of me. As long as he’s here, I know everything is going be okay. That I’m going to be okay.
It takes us four hours to get a thirty-minute episode taped.
Partially because I miss my cue, turn the wrong way—oh, and there are the three F-bombs I let slip.
As soon as Caroline—the show’s director—yells, “That’s a wrap on episode one,” I catapult myself into Ryan’s open arms.
I quickly jump back when I realize there are a few raised eyebrows around.
We both agreed that, while our families now know, we should keep things strictly professional on set.
I’m going to have to work on that.
29
Ryan
Over the course of the next four days, I watch Carina come more and more out of her protective shell.
Every morning, there’s an Elton John dance party in wardrobe.
Yesterday, I pretended not to be disappointed when she asked if we could skip our daily lunch together—instead taking Brenna and Hailey (her hair and makeup crew) up on their offer to grab something together.
My disappointment subsides as soon as I hear the sound of an excited puppy barking behind me.
“I’ve brought the star of the show!” my brother announces, placing Beckham down on the set floor.
Within moments, his little puppy legs have him rushing right past me, into the arms of the pretty blonde about to take a seat in hair and makeup.
“Traitor,” I call out.
“Don’t worry, Ryan,” Lina says, coming up next to me. “You’re still my favorite.”
Since today’s a special episode, Carina let Lina play hooky from school. The puppy treat episode had been so well received by the network, they also sent a five-thousand-dollar check for us to take when we drop the treats off to the local shelter later.
“Thanks, kiddo,” I say with a chuckle. “You’d better head over to hair and makeup. You have to get ready for your big television debut.”
Skipping off to hair and makeup, Lina skids to a stop when she sees my brother. She had been too busy eating breakfast to notice when he first arrived on set. I’m not sure who is more excited to see who. When she steps back, my brother pulls something from the pocket of his trousers and hands it to her.
At the sound of her excited squeal, I make my way over to where they’re standing. Before I make it to them, my brother leans in and says something to her, and she puts whatever he handed to her in the little bag she has slung over her shoulder.
Lina’s blue eyes wide with excitement, paired with my brother’s half-smirk as I reach them, is a clear indication my little brother is up to no good.
“Shouldn’t you be in hair and makeup?” I chide.
Without another word, Lina scurries over to the closed-off area of the warehouse reserved for hair and makeup. As soon as she’s out of earshot, I turn my attention to my brother, whose grin is now spanning his entire face.
“How much?” I say.
“How much, what?” he asks, still looking ahead—but a silent, stifled laugh gives him away.
“Don’t be daft. You can’t even look at me,” I say, calling him out. Alfie is a lot of things, though a good liar isn’t one of them. “How much money did you just give Lina?”
“I paid our guest star one hundred dollars for her appearance on the show.” He shrugs. “I didn’t pull it from the network budget, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Even if you did, I wouldn’t be worried,” I admit, not wanting to steal his thunder by telling him I, too, had every intention of making sure Lina was paid for today. I was—I am—just so wrapped up in the excitement of today.
Halfway Homemade is so much more than a show at this point.
This is more than just my job.
I want to make everything better for both Carina and Lina. Not because I think Carina can’t handle everything on her own. Watching her with Lina and seeing how, with the support of her family, she’s single-handedly raised her, I know she’s more than capable.
It’s unexplainable. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the why since the first day I got to Massachusetts and I still don’t have an answer. I’m not the kind of man who gets easily hung up on a woman. Or, I wasn’t. Even when we were kids, I would tease Alfie about his crushes. My brother loves with all he has—the heart-on-his-sleeve type.
I never understood it.
“One day, you’re going to eat crow,” he’d said, laughing. “And I cannot wait to throw it in your face.”
And, of course, I denied it.
That was never going to happen. Not to me.
But, I didn’t even try to fight these feelings. Not really. I knew things were different with Carina the day we met. Meeting Lina the following afternoon sealed my fate.
Whether they want it or not, Carina and Lina Domenico have my heart.
30
Carina
When you’re pregnant, everyone wants to throw their best advice at you.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
“Use this brand of bottles.”
“Go to this pediatrician.”
“Don’t/do co-sleep.”
The list is endless.
No one ever warns you that you’ll spend the rest of your life worrying if you’re making the right choices—both for you and your child.
Initially, I thought having Lina on the show with me was a great idea. Not only for the show itself, but for us. It would be such a special moment for me and Lina to treasure for the rest of our lives. Years from now, we would be able to look back on the episode and cherish the memories it held for us.
As I lay in bed last night, the what ifs and the should haves flooded my brain.
Should I have asked Richard? Does he actually have a say?
What if the network doesn’t accept the episode once they see that Lina’s on it?
Will Lina be devastated if they pull it?
How might this affect her when it comes to her friends?
When the clock read two, I realized the thoughts weren’t going to end, so I went to the medicine cabinet to take my supplemental anxiety medication. Allowing my mind just the smallest of breaks, I slept straight until my seven o’clock alarm went off.
The questions of right and wrong woke up right with me though, following me as I got dressed, drank my first cup of cappuccino, and woke Lina. They came with us on the drive to the set and continued to flood my thoughts when I was in wardrobe and sitting in the chair to get my hair and makeup done.
I almost pulled the plug on the whole thing as we got in our places for filming, but now, I’m so glad I didn’t.
As soon as Lina starts talking, introducing herself and “our friend, Beckham” to the camera, the worries begin to fade. By the time we’re slicing bananas and scooping peanut butter for the treats we’re making, they’re almost nonexistent.