‘Sorry, hon, what did you say?’
‘I said, it’s time you and Dad listened to me about after-school care. I don’t want to go anymore.’
‘Neither Dad nor I feel comfortable with you being home alone.’
‘No, Dad’s fine with it. It’s you that doesn’t feel comfortable, because you’re too overprotective and plan to smother me the rest of my life.’
Hannah’s head whipped round and she stared at Amy. ‘What do you mean Dad’s fine with it?’
‘Exactly that. He said if it were up to him, he’d say yes, but he knew you’d be too worried about me being safe, so it wasn’t even worth talking to you about.’
Wasn’t even worth talking to me about? But it had been worth telling their eleven-year-old what he thought about it.
She mustered a smile. ‘Leave it with me. I’ll chat to Dad, and we can discuss it again later.’
Amy’s eyes widened. ‘You’ll think about it?’
Hannah nodded, although in all honesty her mind was made up. It was too dangerous to allow Amy to catch the bus and then be on her own in the afternoon. It wasn’t like it was twenty years ago when she and Nat would let themselves in in the afternoon. And they were always together, which made snatching one of them much harder. She was buying herself some time. She didn’t have the energy to live through one of Amy’s epic it’s not fair tantrums if she said no while they were in the car, and she also needed to talk with Damien. How dare he undermine her when it came to their daughter.
After they’d finished dinner Damien sat down on one of the kitchen stools next to Hannah, ready to continue the conversation they’d started as they prepared the meal. The discussion had stopped the moment Amy joined them in the kitchen. ‘I’m sorry, you’re right. Right in that I should never have suggested to Amy that you were overprotective. However, in my opinion you’re not right that she’s too young to get herself home. It would do her good to learn to become more independent, and it’s not like she’s got to change buses on the way home or do anything complicated. It’s a dedicated school bus. We’re the first stop on her way home, and if she caught the bus to school as well, she’d be the last stop before it goes direct to school. I can’t see that it’s a big deal. It would save us paying for after-school care too.’
‘But what if something happens?’
‘Then we’d need to give her an emergency plan. The neighbours would be the first port of call. I’m happy to go and speak with the Moores and the Rutherfords. If they know she’s home alone in the afternoons, I’m sure they’d be happy if she went to them if there was an emergency of any kind. We’ll reinforce exactly when she should ring for help and whether it should be us she rings or the emergency services. And if you’re still serious about getting a dog for her birthday, then we get one that will help protect her. Not some silly little thing but a proper dog.’
Hannah smiled. A proper dog. She wondered what that consisted of compared to any other dog.
‘A smile! Does that mean you think it could be a maybe?’
She sighed. ‘I know I have to cut the apron strings at some stage and let her make her way in the world. Only, I wasn’t expecting it to be at eleven.’
‘She’ll be twelve in just over two weeks and at high school after Christmas. She’s growing up, Han.’
Hannah’s eyes connected with her husband’s. His were soft for a moment then clouded over.
He shook his head and stood. ‘Anyway, I’m going to have a shower.’
She nodded absently, her mind racing as she tried to work out when Damien had distanced himself from her. She had no idea, but she knew she needed to find out.
‘Can we talk after Amy goes to bed tonight?’
Surprise registered on Damien’s face. ‘Everything alright?’
Hannah swallowed. Asking him if they could talk was usually her code for ‘something’s wrong between us, can we work it out?’ And he knew that. The fact he looked so surprised suggested he was unaware anything was wrong. How could that be? Hadn’t he noticed they hadn’t had sex for over a month? She opened her mouth to reply and shut it again. If he hadn’t noticed, there would be a reason for that. He’d become distant, distracted and uninterested in her. She’d never imagined he’d cheat on her but was that what was happening?
‘Hannah? Are you okay? You’ve gone completely white.’
She did her best to force a smile. ‘Let’s talk about it later.’ Right now, she needed to gather her thoughts and think through what it would mean if he had.
Once Amy was in bed reading, and Hannah had had more time to think through what she wanted to say, she picked up the cups of green tea and walked through the French doors out to the backyard patio. The night air was crisp with a chill to it, but Damien had lit the patio heater, and its warmth made the outdoor space inviting. It also gave them complete privacy from Amy’s eavesdropping ears. She placed a cup in front of her husband and sat opposite him.
‘Thanks.’ He placed his hands tentatively around the cup to warm them.
Hannah had rehearsed precisely what she wanted to say but always found asking these types of question nerve-wracking. What if she learned something she didn’t want to know? What if there was a problem between them she was unaware of?
‘Well?’ Damien prompted. ‘What is it?’
‘I . . .’ She hesitated. ‘I wanted to ask if everything’s alright? You’ve been very distant the last few weeks.’
He dropped his gaze, his eyes shifting to the heater.
‘Is it work?’ Hannah hoped it was. Damien’s work did take an emotional toll and now and then she saw signs of him having trouble processing the distressing and sometimes tragic situations he had to deal with.
He closed his eyes and sighed. When he reopened them, he looked directly at her and smiled. ‘No, it’s not work, and I’m sorry.’
He was sorry? Her heart began to thump. There was only one thing she could imagine he would be sorry for. Her worst nightmare was about to unfold in front of her.
He took her hand, but she snatched it back. ‘Why are you sorry? What have you done?’
He frowned. ‘I haven’t done anything.’ His eyes widened, registering what she must be thinking. He reached for her hand again. ‘God, nothing like that. You know I’d never cheat.’ He smiled. ‘Why would I? I love you to bits.’
Hannah felt herself relax. If that wasn’t the problem, what was? She squeezed his hand. ‘No, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t, it’s just you’ve been so distant with me the last few weeks. Longer probably. We haven’t been, well, together, if you know what I mean, in ages.’
Damien ran a hand through his thick hair. ‘I know, and I’m sorry. There’s something I just can’t get out of my mind at the moment, and it’s affecting everything I do.’
‘What is it?’
Pain flashed in his eyes as he looked at her. ‘It was the anniversary of my biological parents’ deaths a few weeks ago, that’s all. I know it comes around every year, but this year, with me turning forty, I don’t know, something feels missing. Maybe I’m having a mid-life crisis, and this is how it’s going to play out.’