“Ainsley Buchanan, I know you’re in there! No one else has that goofy hobbit ringtone. Open the damn door.”
He was still holding his phone to his ear when she whipped the door open.
“Pipe down, will you? I’ve got neighbors, for heaven’s sake!” She whisper-yelled, pulling him inside by his T-shirt.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to wake your neighbors,” he snarled.
“What is your problem?”
He threw out his arms. “My problem is that you’re avoiding me! And I have no idea why!”
Standing there, seeing him so livid, so incensed, she asked herself what she’d been thinking. Her whole life was out there in the community . . . and if her whole life was destined to meld with his, then obviously, they were going to have to be seen together. It shouldn’t feel like a risk, sitting with someone at the setup dinner. But it did. It felt like walking a tightrope sans balance pole.
“Come with me on my run.”
He gave her a quizzical look, then gestured to his clothing. He was in a T-shirt and jeans.
“So go home and change.”
“And you won’t leave without me?”
“No.”
“And you’ll open the door again when I get back?”
She scowled. “Yes.”
He held up his hands in innocence. “Hey, when someone is avoiding you for unknown reasons, these questions must be asked.” He put his hand on the door. “I’ll see you in twenty.”
He managed it in seventeen. He must’ve barely even paused to hydrate . . . maybe he didn’t believe that she’d be here, she thought, ashamed. She should’ve just talked to him before now, but . . . it hurt.
Kyle paused next to her. “Well?”
“Stop being a jerk, Kyle,” she said, as she began to jog down the street. He caught up with her quickly.
“I’m being a jerk?”
“Yes,” she puffed, “you are.” She was quiet for a minute, then turned into the park. “Nine years ago, I was in a relationship. At least, I thought I was. Apparently, he had other thoughts on the matter.”
“Who are you talking about? Not Daniel?”
She huffed out a laugh. “Heck no, not Daniel. I love your brother, but he’s . . .”
“Goofy.”
“Yes.”
She paused again. It was a little easier, not having to see his face. She tried to take a deep breath, but her breaths were already deep as her body eased into its running rhythm. “I thought we were dating, but apparently, Shane didn’t.”
“Shane Burgess? The All-State defensive back?”
“Yes. And when I showed up to support him at a football game with a sign that said ‘That’s my boyfriend,’ I found out just how wrong I’d been. Complete with memes and assorted internet bullying.” They called it pulling an Ainsley . . . The meme said “TFW he’s not actually” with a picture of her crestfallen face still holding her sign. She hadn’t seen it around lately, but it still circulated occasionally.
Kyle was silent.
“So going public with a relationship is not easy for me.” She cleared her throat. “I wish it was. I wish I could just parade around town with Timber Falls’ most eligible bachelor and not care what anyone thinks, but . . .”
“But you do care.”
“Yes.” She panted. “I do care. I don’t want that to happen again, ever. And you and me, it just makes no sense. I’m not ragging on myself, I think I’m reasonably attractive. We just run in different circles, and there’s so many other girls who’d be a better fit for someone like you . . .”
“Someone like me.” He said the words flatly.
“Yes. You’re a doctor. I don’t think I act like a doctor’s wife.” Her heart, which was already beating out of her chest, began flailing around like a firefly trapped in a jar. “Kyle . . . do you get what I’m saying at all?”
Their synced footfalls quieted as they transitioned to the thick yellow fallen pine needles on the trail, and she put on more speed to stay with him as they ascended the steepest part of the path. At the top, breathing hard, but not as hard as she was, he stopped. He clasped his hands together behind his head, walking in a circle.
“That’s messed up, Ains. And it’s even more messed up that you didn’t just talk to me about it.” For someone who usually communicated in quips and grunts, he seemed to have found some vault of angry words to cash out. “How could you think I would do that to you? How could you think I’m that kind of person? I’ve been as overt as I can be about how much I like you, Ainsley. I’ve practically tattooed it on my forehead, and it’s not good enough for you.”
She felt her chin quivering. “Well, not as overt . . .”
He stopped pacing. “What?”
Her mind knew what needed to be said, but her lips balked, hating the taste of the words on her tongue.
“You’ve never called me your girlfriend. You’ve never said . . .”
His face reddened with barely controlled rage. “So you won’t be seen with me in public because I haven’t said I love you? Is that—is that what I’m supposed to take away from this?”
“No! I mean . . .” She felt her lip quivering, and she bit it. “I don’t know. I was wrong before, with Shane. I just don’t want to get ahead of myself again.”
“Wow.” He pressed his fingers into his closed eyes, then wiped down his face. “I should not have done this now. I’m going home.”
“Will I see you tonight?”
“I don’t know.”
Her stomach tightened. “Tomorrow night?”
“I don’t know.” He turned and headed back down the hill before she could say anything more.
DRIP, DRIP, DRIP. The gutters were leaking again outside her classroom. Her kids were outside for their afternoon recess, and without the urgency of eager young minds in front of her, she couldn’t focus on anything. As it was, she’d had enough trouble getting through the morning: she put up the wrong date, she misspelled terrible when Rio asked her during reading time (teribble? It hadn’t seemed right, but . . . ). And of course, today happened to be one of her principal’s “drop in and observe you teaching when you don’t know I’m coming” days. She’d need her endorsement if she went for her national certificate. It was just another trophy, really. She would never leave Timber Falls, not even for love. Especially when the person I love loves it here as much as I do. Maybe she’d just assumed that; Kyle didn’t show up to a lot of town events. But he cared about the town—she knew he did. Didn’t his plans to stay say it all? Rural medicine was not for the faint of heart.
I screwed this up, she thought as she stared out the window at the flowering plum trees outside her window. I should’ve just been upfront with Kyle about it. More than that, I should’ve shown him. Well, it wasn’t too late, certainly. Slowly, she turned to her computer and opened an incognito browser. She couldn’t have it coming back to anyone by any means that she was googling herself. Into the search bar, she typed “TFW your boyfriend isn’t after all.” There it was. Her blonde hair in pigtails, Timber Falls Football face paint not masking her horrified expression. Her shoulders slumped, her sign that said “That’s my boyfriend” drooping. Ainsley’s finger hovered over the “Share” button, hesitating. Was it necessary, really? And did she want him to see her that way? As an object of ridicule?