In the bathroom, he splashed cold water onto his face, closing his eyes against the memory of Anna’s anger. First meetings were always impossible, but still, he could have handled it better. The first time he met Clem had been just as disastrous. Her father’s friend was holding a benefit. His wife had suffered a stroke and he had wanted to raise both money and awareness for brain research. Oliver’s boss, Mateo, had been scheduled to give a speech but at the last minute he had come down with a sore throat and asked Oliver to step in. Oliver had stood on the stage under the bright, white lights, sweat sticking the shirt to his back, his voice a stammer. He had been completely out of his comfort zone and that was before he had even spotted the woman in the front row, sparkling in a sea-green dress, thick dark hair cascading over her shoulders.
‘And mermaid’ had slipped out of his mouth before he corrected himself to ‘And moreover’ and the rest of his carefully prepared presentation fell out of his mouth in a gibbering rush. Afterwards she had approached him.
‘That was quite a speech.’
He had waited for a punchline that didn’t come.
‘It must be so rewarding to know you’re making a difference. The world needs more people like you.’ There was a wistful look in her eyes. ‘Do you think you’ll ever find a cure for Parkinson’s? My grandfather had it. Such a cruel disease.’
‘Yes.’ Oliver had wanted to take her hand. To tell her his uncle had Parkinson’s too and he understood, but he wasn’t a tactile person and so he had tried to use words to reassure her instead, explaining he was confident that a cure would be found in their lifetime. He wanted to tell her about the exciting progress that had been made in understanding the cause of the disease. ‘Can I buy you a drink…’ He had trailed off as she lifted a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter. ‘Sorry, I’m an idiot.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Her blue eyes had settled on his. ‘Tell me why you think a cure will be found.’
He had begun to talk. Terminology tripping off his tongue but she had nodded along, asking him to clarify the things she didn’t understand and instantly he fell in love. He had been astonished that she felt the same.
Clem had been an heiress. There had been much gossip when they shared their fledging relationship. Oliver was branded a gold-digger. He knew what her friends and family had thought about him. The way their whispers dried up as he approached – Oliver, old boy, super to see you – their booming, cheerful voices doing nothing to detract from the suspicion in their eyes.
Oliver wondered what they would think if they saw him living this way. They would likely take some pleasure in his empty fridge, his creased clothes.
The concerns hadn’t only come from her side.
‘You might be happy now but there’s no long-term future for you both,’ his more forthright friends had told him. ‘You’re a novelty, her bit of rough. You’ll never fit in properly to her world. She’ll grow tired of you, and then what?’
But for Oliver and Clem there had been no divide, only an ‘us’ that strengthened each time someone tried to draw them apart.
There was something about Anna that reminded him of Clem. The defiant tilt to her chin. Her loyalty to Adam. Her desire to protect him. He thought Anna wouldn’t let Adam go as easily as Clem had slipped through his fingers. Here one minute, gone the next.
He knew he shouldn’t, he knew he should go back to work, but he couldn’t help opening the sideboard and pulling out their wedding album. Touching her photos as he’d once have touched her face. He could still smell her sometimes, the heady mix of jasmine and lime. It was as if she had just popped out. He had been left waiting endlessly for her to return.
Oliver slipped on his white lab coat that felt as much a part of him as his skin, but instead of heading back to his research he lifted a glass from the cupboard.
Anna.
Clem.
He poured a drink, not whiskey now but orange juice. He never touched alcohol.
Not anymore.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Anna
Nell didn’t have any of the awkwardness I had first felt around Adam as he lay comatose in a hospital bed; she wasn’t intimidated by all the equipment. She immediately held his hand and chatted to him as comfortably as she would perched on a bar stool, sharing her news over a glass of wine.
‘So, the flight attendant beckoned the other one over, and whispered “A couple have just gone into the loo together. I think…” The attendant glanced at the elderly lady I was sitting next to and lowered her voice, “I think he’s comforting her.” “Oh no, dear,” the elderly lady shouted. “I think you’ll find they’re having sex. It’s the mile-high club. Are you a member, dear?” she asked me. “Me and my Arthur tried once but couldn’t manage it. Look, it’s my arthritis, you see.” She raised her hand and tried to move her fingers. “I’m not very bendy.” I don’t know who was more embarrassed, the flight attendant or the couple when they came out of the loo to find everyone staring at them.’ Nell laughed. ‘Anyway. Alircia again! It’s gorgeous outside. You’re looking rather pale there, Adam. You want to haul your lazy arse out of bed and get out into the sun.’ She told him the football results – I hadn’t thought to do that – and finished by saying that she was stealing me away for a while. ‘I’ll look after her, and bring her back soon.’ She planted a kiss on his forehead.
Nell looked so tired as she picked up her suitcase. She had dropped everything for me, the way she had when I had been dumped all those years ago. Despite the distance that had grown between us, she was here.
She was always here without question or judgement.
‘Is there somewhere we can talk?’ she asked, and I nodded. It wasn’t only Adam we needed to discuss.
At the hotel, Nell dumped her stuff in our apartment and then we headed to the restaurant for a late lunch. The buffet tables were groaning under the weight of the food. I wandered aimlessly, empty plate in hand, not quite sure what I could stomach.
‘Go and sit,’ Nell insisted. ‘I’ll bring you over some bits to pick on.’
At the next table, a baby banged his plastic spoon on the tray of his highchair. All at once the emotion of the past few days caught up with me and I began to cry so hard, I didn’t think I’d ever stop.
‘Anna?’ Nell set the plates on the table. ‘Let’s go back to the apartment.’
‘Sorry,’ I said once I was settled on the brown chequered sofa in the open-plan living area. Nell opened the fridge, the lone ‘I love Alircia’ magnet slipping as she pulled a bottle of water from the door.
‘No need to apologize, God, I’d—’
‘It was seeing that baby.’ Fresh tears spilled. ‘I… I was pregnant.’
‘Pregnant? Wait. What? Was?’ Nell wiped my eyes with a tissue.
‘I only found out just before we came here. I was going to tell you when we got home but… but…’
‘Oh, Anna.’ Nell pulled me close to her. I allowed myself to break apart once more. It had been so hard trying to hold myself together. ‘I had no idea you were trying again.’