From outside, the sound of a car horn. Chris picks up our luggage – we’re travelling light – and everyone bundles outside to wave goodbye and I promise them that I will see them soon, even though I know there are no certainties in life. All we can do is appreciate the here and now. I give everyone a hug and a kiss and I tell them that I love them because, although we always think there’ll be a next time, another chance, sometimes there just isn’t. I never put off doing anything I can do today. That’s why I’m not waiting until Harry is older to make this trip. God willing, there’ll be a chance for us to do it all over again, when he’ll remember it too.
On the way to the airport, Harry dozes, his long lashes dark against his pale skin. His arms clutching the Percy Parrot that Adam had chosen from him years before he ever came into being. Where his sleeve has ridden up, I see his birthmark. The map.
Again, I open the box Josh has given me and ease the watch from its velvet cushion before fastening it around my wrist. One day I’ll give it to Harry and tell him the incredible story behind it.
Behind us.
Love will find a way.
Ours wasn’t a typical love story, Adam, but it was our love story, and although I’m not yet ready for it to end, still not ready for it to end, in Harry I’ve found a new beginning as well as discovering the answer to my question: can love really be eternal? Of course it can – is there any other way?
Adam, this is my promise you: one day I shall tell Harry everything. I’ll teach him that sometimes you set something free and it comes back to you, and sometimes it can’t…
…no matter how much it longs to.
Chapter Eighty-Three
Adam
Anna, while you add Harry’s name to our love lock in Alircia, I am the gentle kiss of the ocean breeze on the back of your neck.
I am the whisper in the leaves as you traipse through Italian vineyards.
I am the golden sand that tickles Harry’s toes in Thailand, making him collapse into giggles.
The white feather that drifts into your yurt in Hawaii, that’s me.
As you sit in the mountains in Canada, gazing at the stars that twinkle in the sky, I want to tell you that your star still shines the brightest of them all, but I think you know that.
I hope you know that.
I am with you, Anna.
Always.
Author’s Note
CONTAINS SPOILERS
Hello,
Thanks so much for choosing to read The Life We Almost Had. I hope you fell for Adam and Anna in the same way that I did writing them.
This story felt very personal. It was inspired by the time I have spent with my wonderful brother-in-law, who sadly has Parkinson’s Dementia. As anyone who has experience with dementia knows, it is the cruellest of diseases.
Often, he isn’t fully aware of the present; he’s living out a different life, in a different time. He talks frequently of events that happened some thirty years ago, and yet he generally asks after my children who weren’t born during that time. His mind has created its own timeline. Its own narrative. Sometimes when I visit, he falls asleep, and it was during one of those times I watched how relaxed he became; he was smiling as he dozed and I wondered what was going on in his mind. Where was he? Who was he with? As a family we have the heartbreak of watching his decline but sometimes, just sometimes, he’s happy in the world he has created, and I was desperate to discover what that world was. I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could step into that world, if my sister could spend time with him inside of his mind-made-fiction?
If they could be together and be happy.
I began to research brain science. Magdalen College in Oxford is a leading centre for the study into consciousness and I’m grateful they permitted me to go along, sit in on some lectures and allowed me to ask their neuroscientist, Daniel Bor, my many, many questions, which he has patiently answered over the course of the past year. I was astounded by the work of Yukiyasu Kamitani, which is referred to in this book. Brain science is such an important area and we are learning more about it than ever.
It was later, on holiday in Lanzarote, when I stared out into the sea, that Adam and Anna came to me. I saw the scene with the yacht play out before my eyes like a movie and instantly, unusually, I knew their complete story. I couldn’t wait to write it. I felt Anna’s heartbreak. Adam’s despair.
In the book Oliver questions whether he has put science before emotion and the moral implications of the technology he invented. I’d love to hear what you think, and you can find me at www.ameliahenley.co.uk or come and chat to me on social media at https://twitter.com/MsAmeliaHenley, https://www.facebook.com/ msameliahenley and https://www.instagram.com/msameliahenley/
Amelia x
Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
‘I made a mistake’. Anna writes to Adam during the prologue of the book. What did you think might have happened between them?
Adam discovers ‘There’s less than a 50 per cent chance of couples staying together in a long-distance relationship, and out of those couples who don’t make it, the average time they were together was four and a half months.’ Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? What was the reality for you?
Did you think Nell and Josh would end up together? Were you pleased or disappointed with the way their relationship progressed?
When Oliver meets Anna, he offers her a life-changing experience but with the possibility of harrowing consequences. What would you have said in Anna’s position?
Oliver questions whether he is playing God. ‘There’s a percentage of the population who oppose scientific development, whether for religious or moral reasons. Those who believe that humans shouldn’t interfere with the natural order of things.’ Discuss.
When Anna shows Oliver what she believes is proof that her experiences were real, did you believe her?
Adam makes a heartbreaking sacrifice for Anna. Did you understand why he did this? Was it selfless or selfish?
When Anna visits the address Adam had written down near the end of the book, she stumbles across something truly astonishing. How did you feel when Anna made her discovery?
At the beginning of the book Anna questions whether love can be eternal; by the end she has her answer. What do you think?
Is a second chance at first love worth risking spoiling the precious memories you have of that time?
Acknowledgements
Firstly, huge thanks to my agent, Rory Scarfe, for encouraging me to write the story that was in my heart. My fabulous editor, Manpreet Grewal, who instantly fell in love with Adam and Anna, understood what I wanted the story to be, and helped me shape it with a gentle hand. The inspirational Lisa Milton – I’m very grateful for the belief you have in me.
The wonderful HQ family – in particular Lucy Richardson, Melissa Kelly and the production team. It takes so many people to bring out a book and I’m very thankful for the help I receive.
The support from my early readers, who took Adam and Anna into their hearts when I wasn’t quite sure what the story was or if it was working, was invaluable. Fiona Mitchell, Lucille Grant and Emma Mitchell, I’m not sure if you realize just how much your kind feedback and encouraging words meant to me. Darren O’Sullivan, for listening to my angst over coffee and too much cake while I tried to keep the story straight in my head.