“To get money to fund your hacks and hits.”
“Yes! And the Big Pipe Dream.” Of course she didn’t have to explain. He’d already figured it all out. That should have been a relief. (It wasn’t.) “That’s, um, this thing that we’ve all been working toward since we weren’t much older than Lillith.”
“The off-the-books shelter network.”
“Yeah.”
“So I was a paycheck.”
She winced, but he deserved the truth. And this she could answer without breaking her word. “Yes. One I couldn’t turn down, one that would pay me in a week what I’d make in years. So we wouldn’t have to wait anymore. We can’t wait anymore. So it was a bit of a now or never situation. Or, at least, now or not for a long, long time.”
“Because fair is fair, so the ends justify the means.”
“Well, no, but—” She tried to think how that was a case of ‘Well, no,’ but after a few seconds she had to admit, “Anything sounds bad when you put it like that.”
He didn’t smile when she used his own words. “It’s worth getting caught?” Why, why did he look so sad? Just about anything else would be preferable; disappointment would be preferable. Anger. Disdain. Contempt. “Prison?”
“It’s worth everything,” she said simply. Because in the end, that was nothing but solid fact. “Even if it means tricking a wonderful guy for reasons that sounded great at first, then turned to shit. Even if you’re in it just a few days and you realize you’re the villain this time.”
“Well, you and your boss. Client? Whoever’s paying you to fuck with me, anyway.”
“It’s on me, too,” she replied firmly. “That ‘I was just doing my job’ thing has always been bullshit. Nobody made me do any of it. I made me do it.” And she had, stuck fast by her own word, and not for the first time, but definitely the worst time. “And there’s Lillith to think about.”
“Yes. But how does she fit into this?”
“Who do you think the Big Pipe Dream is for? Donna would never forgive me if I let her child fall into the foster system. Lillith would be among the first of our charges. Not just a roof over her—their—head. Private teachers and counseling and scholarships for the older kids, instead of jettisoning them out of the system the second they turn eighteen. That’s what happened to Elena. She was barely into her senior year at high school when she turned eighteen. Literally overnight you’re expected to find a place to live and feed and clothe yourself, even if you’re still in high school. But with the Big— We’re getting off track,” she realized. “So getting back to Lillith, there was a chance you were her dad, but not a guarantee, and she can’t stay in limbo. Her life has been upended quite enough—she deserves stability and a future where she’s not afraid to go to sleep. And if you were her dad—are her dad—then we’d still be able to—”
“Your off-the-books shelter would be an excellent plan B if I wasn’t up to facing my responsibilities. Because that’s also what this has been about, right? Seeing how I interact with a kid who might be mine? You needed to see me up close, you needed me to need you, because you wanted to see how I behaved during low points.”
“Yes.”
“Did I pass?”
“Yes.”
He let out a breath, and she was shocked to see his relief. “Okay. Well. That’s one problem solved. And while we’re talking about Lillith—”
Here we go.
“—when were you going to tell me I was on the short list? The very short list.”
“Ah. Um. The thing about that—”
“The short list of two: me, and Blake.”
OhGodohGodohGodohGodoh—wait. “That … wasn’t in my computer.”
“Nope.”
“You cracked the safe, too.”
“Sure.” At her astonished gape: “Four-two-eight-three. Which on a phone pad corresponds to I-C-U-D. D for Delaney, I assume.” He shrugged. “Seems to be the way your mind works.”
“I’m just gonna sit here and stare and be astonished for a minute, okay?”
“No, you’re going to explain to me why the only names on your ‘Who Is Lillith’s Daddy’ list are mine and my twin’s.”
“You figured out my combinations but not that?” As he waited (calmly, to his credit), she added, “Donna seduced both of you that month. And before you ask, I don’t know why—she’d been distancing herself from us for a while. I swear I had no idea, Rake. I didn’t know about any of it until she met us at Subway, announced her pregnancy, ordered a foot-long club, and disappeared from our lives.”
“You remember the lunch order?”
“I don’t know if the plan was to get pregnant so she’d have a rich baby daddy or if she was just getting close in order to scam you in a non-baby-related way.”
“Huh.”
“It’s, um, none of my business, but—”
“Of course I wore a condom! We’d just met.”
“Right, right. Sorry.”
“One she handed me.”
“Ah.”
Rake was rubbing his eyes. “Jesus Christ. So I’m either Lillith’s dad or uncle.”
“Yes. And since it’s long past time we settled the issue, let’s—”
“Nope.”
“What?”
He’d plucked a sealed white envelope she instantly recognized from his pocket and waved it at her. “See this?”
“Yes, you’re holding it ten inches away from my face.”
“Good. Watch.” And he tore it in two. “Lillith’s my daughter.”
“Rake—”
“She’s a member of our family and it doesn’t matter if it’s Blake or me, because she’s my daughter and I’ll take care of her now and that’s how it’s gonna be. I don’t give a shit about the test.”
“Well, that was all very dramatic and impressive, except I also got an email from the lab. And a pdf file. And they’ll mail me another hard copy if I ask. So it doesn’t actually change—”
“I’m. Lillith’s. Dad.”
“Got it.” Not that destroying a paper copy of the test results actually changed anything. But Rake had a point—one way or the other, Lillith was a Tarbell. And as incredible as it sounded, they actually had bigger problems than playing “who’s got the Lillith.”
“Glad we got that straightened out. And getting back to your weird hobbies—Delaney, they’ll catch you.” He had leaned forward and taken her hand in his. Gripped it. “Maybe not this week, but it’s going to happen. You won’t survive prison.”
“Whoa! Who said anything about going to prison? I’ll be—”
“Do not say ‘fine’ to me, don’t pretend it’s okay. You’ll fucking hang yourself if they lock you in a room and never let you out.” His words were fierce and blunt, but he looked … afraid?
“Rake,” she began, amazed.
“You’ll die in there. Please stop what you’re doing. All this. Please.”