Last night, I chose myself over what I wanted most. Ma once told me, “When you love someone, their love should always be more than yours, even if it’s only by a spoonful. Treat love as the most precious of gifts. Never take advantage of it. To love someone blindly is only good if that person thinks of you first, and won’t allow you to fumble in the dark.”
When my aunt’s arms wrapped around me, I cried harder and, for the longest of moments, my tears were hers. My aunt understood my anguish. Heartache didn’t discriminate nor did it decrease in intensity. The only cure was time, and knowing that my aunt had been nursing hers for years, and hadn’t recovered until now, brought me no comfort.
“Your first love leaves an imprint on your soul. You have to want to forget and, even then, you’re haunted by the memories,” my aunt whispered against my cheek. “I thought of him when I should have moved on. The autonomy of the heart and its wishes contradicts even the most obvious logic.”
“Did you foresee this with me and Marc?”
“Yes, I saw this, and I mentioned it. There was no point in dissuading you: we both know you wouldn’t have listened. Besides, why would I rob you of the experience?” She opened the cupboards to search for a particular tin to brew a fresh pot of tea. “Falling in love, regardless of whether it works out, is something everyone should experience once. Do you regret it all?”
Every moment I spent with Marc, until the end, was a joy. “No.”
“Are you going to give up on romance?”
The memories would sustain me until I learned to love again. And I would love again. I owed it to myself and my red thread. “No. I’m too stubborn to give up now.”
“Yes, you’re certainly that.” Aunt Evelyn kissed my cheek. “Choosing yourself was admirable.”
“I agree, but I wish it didn’t hurt so much.”
“There’s always a measure of pain involved in difficult decisions. One would be a fool to believe otherwise.”
The wound in my heart was undeniable.
* * *
* * *
Helping my aunt get ready for a date lifted my spirits more than I could imagine. She showed me her impressive collection of jewelry and debated between which pieces to wear before deciding on a bold poppy-red, fishtail midi dress.
“The pendant or the chandelier?” She raised a diamond to her left ear, examined her reflection, then picked up a larger, gold chandelier earring accented with diamonds. “Is this too much?”
If she wore a garbage bag with a plastic bag hat, Girard would still say she looked beautiful. Seeing Aunt Evelyn happy diminished some of my heartache. “Unless you’re changing your shoes, I’d go with the diamond pendant.”
“Then you wear the gold. It goes with your dress.” She placed the earrings in my hand.
I decided to wear a gathered crêpe de chine gown in a shade of lilac so light it was almost white. A high slit on my left side showed off the gold sandals. “Thank you for letting me borrow.”
“Tonight will be a wonderful meal. We’re going to have the chance to eat dessert this time.”
“You’ve foreseen it?” I asked. “No major disasters? Getting kicked out of a restaurant is an experience I don’t want to repeat.”
My aunt laughed. “Yes, this will be a beautiful night. Don’t worry, and enjoy yourself.”
“I never understood why you loved your gift, but now that I’m rid of it, I think I understand: it’s your means of helping people, isn’t it?”
“That’s exactly it. I have helped many people over the years.” She finished putting on the pendant earrings and moved toward the gown laid out on the bed. “That reminds me, do you remember the gentleman to whom you gave a prediction about his father?”
“How could I forget?” I had foreseen the father’s sickness and eventual death.
“He came back to the tea shop and asked me to pass along his gratitude. His father now has someone checking in on him, and spare keys were given to the neighbors as a precaution.” My aunt slid into her gown and presented her back to me to help with the zipper. “You saved him.”
I puffed out my cheeks and let out a sound of relief. It was a pleasant surprise that this incident worked out, but the burden of seeing the future was one I was glad to be rid of. My aunt was born to wield this kind of power. I admired her for it.
I pulled the slider to the top stops and smoothed out the tiny bump along the seams. “If you had to give up your gift for love, would you?”
“No, I want both. I’d like to think I’ve made enough sacrifices in my life to be spared this choice.” She adjusted the tail of her gown. “There isn’t a rule written down that we can’t make the most-selfish decisions for ourselves. I’m sad it took this long for me to realize that.”
When I got here, my only goal was to return to California in control. Instead, I gained a new ability and rid myself of my curse. I found love in Paris and lost it along with my sense of purpose. If I had my wish, I’d want to bring Marc home with me.
“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Aunt Evelyn asked.
“I am. I wish I could stop, but I can’t.”
“Love will find a way. If Girard and I can be together now, there’s hope.”
I checked my scarlet lipstick in the vanity mirror. “Did you ever see both of you getting together again?”
“No. If I had, I would have done this years ago. I’m content not seeing my own future. It would make life boring otherwise. It was, however, quite helpful seeing yours. Still, I don’t know how to explain what’s happened to you, why your clairvoyance vanished after your accident and why you gained this new ability. And why do I have a red thread?”
All of my aunt’s concerns were valid, yet I didn’t want answers. My problems were solved; the details weren’t important. I’d spent too much time, thought, and misery over how much my predictions affected me. I wanted to move on to the next phase in my life even if I didn’t know where it would take me.
“The red thread is a good thing,” I replied. “Why wonder where it came from or what caused it?”
Aunt Evelyn arched a brow and smiled. “That is the difference between you and me. I will consult the society. This is a set of mysteries that’s irresistible to any auntie. Curiosity is a powerful motivator, and you know we are a nosy bunch.”
“Does this mean you’ve forgiven them?”
“I have, but I haven’t told them that. Give me another day.” Aunt Evelyn shut her jewelry box and held the door open for me. “We don’t want to be late for dinner.”