The night still popped up into my head every time I thought of him or heard his name. The night my rules betrayed me and I betrayed them. I only had one rule to follow, and I didn't.
Read the rules before you break them.
I read Oscar up and down. I knew my rules like mantras, and I still broke every rule that screamed to run away from him. I ran into him again and again. I ate up the lavish lifestyle and attention he hand fed me.
I pretended overlooking his bad qualities was worth it. That’s what love was supposed to be: the good and the bad. You don’t get to choose what parts you love of someone.
Pressing to answer the call, I rolled over onto my back and yanked the sheets up to my neck, suddenly feeling vulnerable being naked on the phone with him.
“I’m gonna pick you up. Let’s go surfing.”
That was one of the parts of Oscar I did love: the spontaneous fearlessness I didn’t have. Spontaneity for me had to be planned, with a plan B hatched in case it all fell apart and I needed to know all the details. Not spontaneous at all.
“I don’t know how to surf, Oscar…”
“You live in LA now, babe. I’ll teach you. Get dressed.”
With a laugh, I agreed, “Okay, okay.” He was dragging me out of my comfort zone and my head, all with so much ease it was hard not to play right into his hand.
Rolling out of bed and padding to the bathroom, I capped my water bottle so it wouldn’t get knocked over in the process. Something I’ve done so many times before that I swear there’s a semi-permanent stain on the wood.
Showering was pointless if I was going to get wet, so I fished out a cream one-piece suit that zipped down the middle and cut high on my hips with some wedges. I wanted to make sure it covered the nearly blended in scars that Oscar never noticed anyways, even when I was on my hands and knees. I almost Googled what else I would need for surfing, but I stopped myself, saying the word in my mind over and over like a new mantra.
Spontaneous.
Jus didn’t knock, and I startled at the image of her leaning against the door frame behind me. “Jesus! You scared me.”
“Oh, really? Not as much as you scared me when fucking Oscar knocked on the door.”
She was seething. Not disappointed or shaming me, seething. She hated Oscar for more reasons than I did. Third party outsiders with unbiased opinions always housed more hate for bad decisions.
Jus was an activist even as your best friend.
“What? I just got off the phone with him.” The confusion in my voice was casual and not concerned to balance how pissed Jus was that I didn’t warn her. Even if I did warn her that I picked up his call the other day and agreed to go surfing with him now, she would be the same amount of unhappy.
“He moves quickly, because he’s a snake.”
I glided the lipgloss across my full lips, making sure to coat them in a shine before I moved to my closet to find a cover up to go over my suit that I shimmied into before noticing she was vacant from my doorway. Pulling up jean shorts, I gave myself a once over in the mirror. I was desirable and hellbent on making Grimm see that enough to regret making me rise to his challenge.
The cream suit bounced off my naturally brass skin and the freckles scattered along my arms, chest, and nose. I looked like a lifeguard with my hair in a messy bun from sleeping still. That was the other thing that Oscar did that made it hard to not fall for his tricks: No matter what, Oscar looked at you like you were the sun. Sweats, half-effort, full-effort… he found a way to appreciate you in all your glory.
He was great for the ego, unlike Grimm.
Grabbing my crossbody bag, I headed out of my bedroom door and saw Oscar standing next to the front door, probably not by choice. Jus probably threatened him to keep his distance. The last time he fucked up, she Lysoled everything, and then we threw out everything even remotely related to him.
“You got here fast.”
His arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me into his hard abs as his lips landed on my temple. “I know better than to make you wait.”
Jus piped in from the couch, with her cereal on her knees, folded into herself, and Dirty John playing in the background, like I wouldn’t notice her unsubtle tone: “Damn straight.”
Giving her wide eyes, I tried to simmer her down, but Jus was a mixed bag. You pulled out whatever you got and sucked the hard candy until it was finally sweet.
“Okay, so we’re leaving. I’ll text you. Love you! Bye!” Dragging Oscar behind me out of the line of fire, we headed to his red Bentley parked outside our house that was broken up into condos. No elevators, no stairs, no passing people expecting neighborly small talk.
“You ready for the waves?”
He didn’t bother to open my door, and I tried to lower my standards. We weren’t together anymore, and I didn’t want to be. Still, that didn’t mean I didn’t expect some level of respect with my doors.
“Terrified, but excited…” Sliding into his car, I took a big inhale of the beach scent already bottled up in his car. He was a beach bum in between reading scripts and spending Mommy and Daddy’s money.
I lived near the beach, yet he drove right past the entrance and proceeded towards the highway. I wanted to question him until the word spontaneous floated back into the forefront of my mind.
Instead I melted back into the comfortable seats, feeling the smooth leather under the back of my thighs and trusted today would be a surprise.
“Babe? We’re here. You sleep alright?” His hand was on my thigh when his words yanked me from my sleep in a startling way. Shaking my head, I perked up, looking out at Malibu’s ocean—clear blue fading into sand, with the waves pure white as they rippled towards us.
“I haven’t been sleeping so well lately. I’m good though. Good power nap.”
After being here and seeing the ocean, there wasn’t any chance I was missing this. The sun beat down on us and warmed my skin, even through the windshield, before I got out and felt the heavy air until the wind ran by.
Oscar called out, already walking towards some monstrous house sitting back further on the beach. “I’ll be right back. Gotta get the boards.”
I slipped off my wedges and made a few steps forward before my feet landed in the warm sand, sinking to where it felt refreshing. My crossbody bag buzzed, and I knew it was my phone. I actively ignored it. I dropped my cover up, wedges, and bag into the sand as I walked closer to the water.
No one wanted to live in LA, but this… this right here was a piece of heaven wedged in between all the false pretenses of Hollywood and The Bay’s dedication.
Oscar jogged over like the heartthrob he was, holding two boards at once, one under each toned arm. His blonde hair blew in the light breeze, and his smile was almost too drastically perfect compared to the rest of him.
Taking the boards, he laid them down in the sand and tossed me a piece of hard soap. “What do I do with this?”
Laughing he dropped to his knees in front of his lime green board and rubbed the similar bar of soap against the outside of his board. “It’s wax. It should be good. It’s just a good luck thing now. Don’t want the waves to go flat.”
Still looking down at the bar in my hand confused, I followed suit, on my knees, next to his spare board, ready to mess up if need be. I was trying to not overthink anything today, and this wasn’t a good start.