“Not surprised. That whole thing there was a clusterfuck.”
“You sound sad.” I knew my momma, and sympathy for the sweetbutts wasn’t something I often heard in her voice.
“I am. That baby did nothing wrong. If I thought it would go anywhere, I’d tell her to sue the ATF for mistreatment. It’s their fault—”
“I don’t think she was looking after herself. I heard what the doctor said. She wasn’t eating right, and she’d been taking none of the vitamins you need… For how long she’d been carrying, the baby was too small.”
“Then I’m even sadder for the child and hate that bitch even more.” Lucie grunted. “Anyway, what’s wrong?”
“Do you ever—” I broke off, unsure of what to say, how to phrase this. “Have you ever heard Daddy Ryan’s voice in your head?”
When Momma just fell quiet, I wasn’t sure what to think, then, she stunned me by admitting, “A long time ago, sure. I heard him all the time. After he died, I went to pieces, baby. You needed me and I let you down for a little while. I was sleeping all the time, and just… I needed some direction. He was the one who told me it was time to come home.
“He was there for a while, but when I settled in, when your daddies and me got together, I heard from him less and less. Ryan said it was because I was safe now. Protected. He’d set himself up as my white knight,” she murmured with a smile in her voice. “And he never let me down.”
“When was the last time you heard from him?”
The way she hesitated? I had my answer, and knew she wouldn’t say a word.
“When I was taken?”
“He told me to make Jodie-May pay,” she rasped. “So I did.” After clearing her throat, she asked, “You heard from him?”
“I heard him that day and today too.” I gulped. “I miss him, Momma.”
“Baby girl, I’ve missed him every single day since he’s been gone. Ain’t a day that passes where I don’t think of him. Ryan and your other daddies, they’re the loves of my life. Not a moment goes by where I don’t feel blessed to have them by my side.”
My eyes pricked with tears, not just because of the love between them, but because I empathized. “That’s how I feel about Saint, Keys, and Ink,” I whispered, my voice raw from emotion. “It’s like…”
“They’re the blood in your veins.”
I pressed a hand to my face. “Yeah. Like that. Like I’m whole without them, but not alive.”
“I know what you mean, baby.” Momma sucked down a breath. “We’re lucky, you and I. Not just one soul mate, but several. But you gotta look after them, baby. You’re in a unique position. Most women can only handle one man, heck, some can’t even handle that. And we’re in a different world than most.
“You know what kind of temptation is thrown their way every single day. You have to protect what you’ve got, and you have to be prepared to fight for it. Can you do that?”
“I’m not weak, Momma.”
“Never thought you were, baby,” came the instant reply. Hell, it was so instant that I believed it. “You’re not the weak one, we are. We love you so much and we’re terrified. I never ever want to experience even a fraction of the fear I felt the day you were taken. It would kill me, and that memory is so powerful that it petrifies me to this day. It’s that shadow of the memory that makes us put our fright onto you. But you’re my daughter, and I never raised no weak little miss.”
My lips twitched. “I can make them happy.”
“I know you can. Sure, they might not think they’re happy in this little household you got, but just give them time. Give them a bit of space too, but also, never make them feel less than the other. They’re all equals, and don’t let them forget it.”
Her words, spoken from experience, had me frowning. “Did you have problems with the daddies?”
“Sometimes. Not often.” She blew out a breath. “After Matty, I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant again. When you were thirteen, it happened. I didn’t make it happen, but it happened, and the doctor said it could kill me if I carried to term. I refused to get an abortion and those days were mighty stressful.
“When I said I wouldn’t have an abortion, they were mad at me. Said I was being selfish because I had you and the boys and them to think of, but I just couldn’t do it—not sure they’ve ever forgiven me for that.”
My mouth dropped open at that revelation. “I never knew.”
“Made sure you didn’t.”
“What happened?”
“Nature happened. Had a miscarriage. They were mad at me for such a long time.” She whistled under her breath. “Mad at me for daring to risk myself when they said that I knew what that would do to them.” She cleared her throat. “I just couldn’t take away something that was born of them and me. But I understand… for a few months, things were rough. I thought they might have—” She sucked down some air. “But they swore they didn’t cheat, and I have no real reason to believe they did. Every now and then, doubt creeps in, and you just have to have faith in what you’re building, baby.”
When I swallowed, it was hard. Like I was trying to swallow an orange. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Been through plenty worse in my life than that, darling. I’m a survivor. As are you. Now, I didn’t mean to make you blue with all that talk—”
“No!” I interrupted. “Not at all. I needed that. Thank you. I love you so much.”
“Love you too, baby girl.” She huffed. “Dammit, Seamus, what’s that in your hair?”
My lips twitched. “What is it?”
“Bubble gum,” Lucie groused. “Baby, I gotta go.”
“See you later, Momma.”
“You will.”
As I cut the line, I heard footsteps outside the door. When boots appeared by the side of the bed, I had to admit, I froze a little. Deep inside, terror swirled around me as the past coalesced with the present.
Then, the guy beside the bed squatted down, and I got a whiff of the sexy aftershave Keys wore.
When he peered underneath the bed, I smiled at him and held out a hand. Expecting him to haul me out from under there, he rolled onto his side and scuttled toward me.
After he toed off his boots and kicked them away, I huddled into his side, and hugged him.
“You okay?” I asked gently.
“Nope.” He stared up at the bed board. “Can see why you like it down here.”
“Surprised you remembered.”
“I remember most things you say. But in the future, don’t want you sleeping down here. You need to nap, you tell me, and I’ll come and keep you comfortable.”
Grinning into his arm, I murmured, “Doubt we’d get much sleep done.”
“If you need sleep, I’ll just rest with you,” he replied gruffly. “This ain’t all just about sex, Ama. Hope you know that.”
I stilled, taken aback by his words. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just spoke with my dad is all.”