I was no good.
Never had been, probably never would be.
In fact, the only good things I’d done in my life revolved around her, and what that said about the past thirty-seven years, I wasn’t sure.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I stared at her with the boys and felt jealousy curdling in my gut.
She was always with those two. Always. And if I’d seen desire for me in her eyes, I knew I’d seen it in her gaze when she looked at Keys and Saint too.
“I think she wants them,” I rasped, tossing out the idea to him, and hoping he wasn’t about to skin me alive for my audacity.
All her fathers were protective of Ama. Not that I could blame them, considering her past. But Flame, in particular, took protective to the next level.
I didn’t even want to think about what had happened to that boy who’d tried to force himself on her at a party… for the rest of his life, he’d be pissing with a bent cock, that was for sure.
“Probably. Can’t be raised in a family like ours without being open to the possibility.”
My eyes widened. “You wouldn’t be pissed?”
“Me? Nah. Flame?” Dagger’s grin was toothy. “Probably. But he likes you. Likes Saint and Keys too. I’m sure if you make her happy then he’ll take it easier on you.”
My eyes widened because, fuck, I was scared of very few people, but Flame was close to certifiable—and he sure as shit wasn’t getting better with old age. “Well, that’s reassuring.” At his snort, I grumbled, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”
“Me either, honestly, but when she came to us today and told us about the scholarship, about her turning it down?” He sucked down a sharp gulp of air. “Something’s gotta give, man, and I don’t want it to be her sanity.”
I flickered him a look. “What do you mean? Ama’s okay.”
“Okay? She’s barely coping, Ink, and you know that as well as I do. Maybe if she has yours and the other two’s balls in her fist, she’ll be able to move on. Make something of herself.”
My eyes narrowed at him. “You think Rhode Island would take her next year?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But I wasn’t even thinking of that. I think that no matter how secure she feels, she’ll never be able to be far from home. Not about to complain about that. Like I said, I’d have dealt with it, but I didn’t want her in Rhode Island. So fucking far away. But I hate that the choice has been made for her by that prick.”
My jaw clenched as I nodded. I knew exactly what he meant. Ever since I’d heard about the scholarship, I’d been dreading her leaving. Well, dreading something that I’d known would probably never happen thanks to Ama’s issues.
Still, the fear of her somehow taking those issues and ramming them in the balls had filled me. And yeah, I knew how fucked up that was.
I wanted her to overcome her anxiety, but I didn’t want her to go.
Didn’t want her to leave the clubhouse.
To leave Rutherford.
To leave me.
Fuck, I was a selfish bastard.
Licking my lips, I rumbled, “I’m too old for her. But even worse than that, I’m no good.”
“Think we both know that’s BS.”
I’d done shit in the army, shit no fucker should ever see, never mind do. No way did Ama need my level of crazy in her life.
No way.
No how.
“Anyway, not giving you a choice. Ama can’t just sit around the clubhouse all day. Can’t just stay at home, either. Think we both know where the natural place for her to be is, and it ain’t fabricating guns. So, either listen to me or don’t, but I want you to apprentice her.”
My eyes widened. “You want her to become a tattoo artist?”
“What else can she do?” he challenged, his gaze on his daughter.
“She can still be an artist.”
“Nah. Ama needs a purpose. This will be good for her and I know she’s been interested in the parlor for a while now. Not just because you’re there every evening, either,” he tacked on wryly. “She’ll earn her own money, get some independence, and if I know you as well as I think I do, she’ll get an old man out of it too. So if she asks, do it.” He shoved me forward so hard I almost collided with the wall before he slouched off as silently as he’d arrived.
For a second, I was floored.
Then, I was just uncertain.
It wasn’t every day a man gave his MC brother permission to take his daughter as his own, but then, Ama was no regular daughter, and I was no regular MC brother.
Sucking down a breath, I contemplated my next move. One that would be for Ama’s good as well as my own, because even though I was selfish, I tried not to be where she was concerned, tried to fight my natural inclinations.
For her, I’d always tried to be a better man.
❖
Saint
“You gonna kiss me or not?”
I narrowed my eyes at Bubbles. “Not.” Fucking her so hard the bedframe rattled, I planted Ama’s beautiful face over the hard-lined one of the sweetbutt I was currently screwing.
To Bubbles, I did everything I couldn’t do to Ama. I fucked her hard, fast, and dirty. I was rough and mean with Bubbles who, fucked up as it was, loved me for it. And yeah, that was no word of a lie. She loved me and I just barely tolerated her.
I was a bastard. I knew that. But to me, she was a hole, one I could fuck with no obligations. That was her job here, after all. It wasn’t just me who treated her that way, and maybe it was a testament to the fact I wasn’t all bastard that I felt shitty about what I was doing most of the time.
When I blew my wad inside her, I immediately rolled off her body and got to my feet. I hadn’t even taken my clothes off, just pulled out my cock, touched her pussy for a while to make sure she was wet enough for me, then thrust into her. Now I was done, so I was out of here.
“Where are you going?” Bubbles cried the second my zipper was pulled up.
I tilted my head to the side. “What makes you think you have the right to ask that?”
Only one person could ask me that and get an answer—Ama. Even my dad knew not to pull that BS on me now.
Ama was the reason I had my road name, but I was a saint only for her. To her, and for her, I had unlimited patience. Everyone else knew to back the fuck off.
Bubbles nervously licked her lips. Her blonde hair bobbed when she tipped her face down and processed the fact she’d just pissed me off.
After I took a few steps toward the door, she mumbled, “I need to talk to you.”
“Talk.”
Man of few words, that was me. Saint or Mute had been my two options as a road name, and no one wanted to be called fucking Mute.
She licked her lips and I eyed the worn makeup around her mouth. The paint she’d worn had bled out, making the once sharp line blurry. I didn’t even want to know how many brothers’ cocks had made that blurry line happen.
“I’m pregnant.”
I snorted. “So?”
Bubbles squinted at me. “It’s yours.”
Unable to help myself, I grinned at her. “Yeah. Right.”
“It is!” she huffed.
“Yeah? Got proof?”