I twisted on my heel after I watched Ink’s bike roar off into the distance, and when I turned back, sighed at just how pretty my men were.
I either had to be the luckiest woman in the world or the most doomed. I’d seen how my mother had fought, and fought hard, to make sure my fathers didn’t stray. I’d watched her get nastier with the womenfolk at the clubhouse, watched her turn into more of a bitch around the sweetbutts.
Knowing I had all that to come and more, I embraced it. It was worth it to have these two in my life on more than just a friendly basis. Being their friend was important to me, sure, but I needed more from them, and I was old enough for my wants to be realized.
It was time they knew it too.
Arrogant of me? Perhaps. But Keys had been with me pretty much since the day I’d arrived in Rutherford as a little girl. He’d been my companion throughout everything. Until this last run and barring the kidnapping, I didn’t think there’d been a day that passed where I hadn’t seen him. That was how close we were.
He’d been my shield at high school, my rock at home.
And Saint? Well, he’d been with me too, apart from the fact he’d been on more runs. Saint was my sounding board. The one I went to with my problems. Who would sit with me in silence when I just needed to draw. He’d even let me do that without bitching, unlike Keys, the shit, who rarely let me sketch him.
Being without any of them just wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t know why this emergency church was being called, and why my granddad was involved, but it didn’t bode well. Life in an MC was fast and furious. It didn’t stop for anyone, and in the blink of an eye, a loved one could be in jail or in a coffin… or, could wind up like me.
I grabbed my drink and downed it before I took a seat. When I slipped into the booth, I looked them square in the eye and told them, “I claimed him.” I tipped my chin up at that, knowing what they’d think.
Sure, Ink had done most of the claiming to be fair, but they weren’t to know that, were they?
It didn’t stop them from scowling at me or cocking their brows my way. I scowled back, even cocked a brow too, until I almost laughed because I knew I had to look like that emoji, the one with the monocle.
Still, this wasn’t a laughing matter.
This was serious. This was the rest of my life on the line, and I wasn’t about to let things devolve just because they didn’t understand how things were.
“How did you claim him? Far as I know, a brother needs to do the claiming,” Saint replied with a sniff.
“Well, it didn’t work out like that for us.” Not a lie—I just didn’t mention that my grandfather had been the trigger. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. My relationship with Ink has nothing to do with you. Just as my relationship with each of you has nothing to do with any of you either.”
“That’s a mouthful,” Keys grunted, as he slurped on the remainder of his iced tea.
I frowned at him. “That’s all you have to say?” I heard the disappointment in my voice and was embarrassed by it.
“What do you want us to say?” Saint snapped, his hands balling into fists.
“That you want me as much as I want you, of course!” I snarled back at him, my hands slamming down on the table. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”
Keys wriggled on his seat. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Umm, I think I do.” I tapped my bottom lip. “Who’s the one who grew up with four dads, for God’s sake. If anyone would know, it’s me.” I covered the balled fist he’d rested on the table and murmured, “I want you all.”
“What if you can’t have us all?” Keys replied, his eyes dark as he stared up at me. “What if I don’t want this? What if Saint or Ink don’t either? We’re not all like your dads.”
The notion, genuinely, hadn’t come to me. I mean, why wouldn’t they want to be with me? We spent all our time together, were pretty much glued at the hip.
The agony from his words was like a knife to the throat, and trust me, I’d know that. Aaron had pressed a knife to my throat and had cut me there, pricked me just enough to make me comply, but the terror that he’d kill me? I remembered that, and that was how I felt now.
A tremor worked through me as I stared at him, unable to comprehend those questions.
He was right.
Categorically correct.
Just because I wanted something, didn’t mean he had to give it to me. Ink knew what I wanted, and maybe because he was older, had been through some stuff, knew what I’d gone through, maybe he was just willing to deal—
Maybe none of them wanted this way of life.
Not everyone was like my dads. I knew that some of the brothers were totally against the way four men as powerful as they only had one woman. A woman they were faithful and loyal to as well.
Some days, I thought that pissed them off even more.
The MC world could be a cruel and harsh one, especially where love was concerned.
I got to my feet and staggered away from them, unable to look them in the eye as my whole world came crashing down.
In my ignorance, hell, in my arrogance, I’d never really even given them a say in the matter. Even when I’d thought it would never happen, that was me being negative. In my heart of hearts, I’d always thought I’d turn them to the notion, but what if I couldn’t?
What if we were destined just to be friends?
What if I had to see other women take them as their old men? Have their babies? What if I had to watch their children, children who weren’t born of me, grow?
My mind was a whirl of thoughts, and I genuinely, genuinely thought I was going insane.
I knew neither of them were virgins. Knew that, accepted it for what it was. I’d even have thought it odd if they were because sex was on tap at the clubhouse. I accepted that they’d had sex, but I pretended it hadn’t happened. Mostly because I couldn’t blame them or be angry over something when I was only their friend.
But it had never driven me crazy before, ever, because I knew it was with sweetbutts. They meant nothing to the men. Nothing. And that was why it had all been okay. Because there was no connection, it was only fucking.
If I had to see them fall for another woman?
A gasp escaped me and I toppled over, collapsing in on myself as my entire safety net came crashing down around me.
These were my guardians, my saviors. My sanity.
I needed them. Didn’t they know that?
But again, that was me. Me, me, me.
Fuck, I was so selfish.
So fucking selfish, that I—
“Hey, Ama! Stop it.” Saint.
His arms came around me, hauling me upright, pressing me into his chest. He curved his arms around me and pressed me into him until my whole front felt his touch. When Keys came up behind me, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder, a shaken sob escaped me. His hands curled around my belly, just under my breasts, and he held me close, so close that they both surrounded me until I was the peanut butter and jelly in a Keys and Saint sandwich.
I shuddered in their arms and whispered, “I’m so sorry. I just… I’m so selfish.”
Keys grunted. “You are. But so are we.”
That had me shaking my head. “No. That’s not fair. How are you selfish? You’re always with me. Always caring for me, watching out for me… God, I must be such a drag.”