Even though we were on the same career ladder, I didn’t feel any competition on my part, but I always tried to downplay any achievements for fear of hurting her feelings. Whenever something good happened to me at work, Stacey would smile and congratulate me but was always visibly moody afterwards. She’d make backhanded compliments—“Congrats on getting the Florio.com project. That’s amazing, given that you screwed up that presentation last week,” or braying, “Guess you’ll be on start-up hours now and spending some late nights here, ha-ha-ha!” I took a lot of her comments with a grain of salt because I knew that she wasn’t happy at Worldwide and felt overlooked.
Sure, when she was in a mood or didn’t get her way, she could be passive-aggressive and a little catty. But nobody’s perfect. (And since Jordan recently pointed out my tendency to drop friends for men, I can’t really throw stones.) Even though Stacey ultimately moved on from Worldwide, we still remained friends.
Then she stole Neil. Isn’t that the golden rule—you don’t steal your girlfriend’s significant other? But was it her first betrayal? Did I miss some signs? Did I do something to cross her? Was this a Single White Female situation? Had she been plotting some grand scheme all along? Do people out there really do that? Is my life simply some made-for-TV movie plot? I stay up all night reading to find out these answers.
I FEEL AWFUL this morning. If there’s such a thing as a book hangover, I have it. Spelled out in black and white, all the signs were there—Stacey was a frenemy from the beginning. Though I didn’t see it at the time, looking back, even those early days of our friendship were plagued with toxicity.
When she moved onto a new firm, I’d assumed our work competition had stopped. Yet, in hindsight, it seems that everything with Stacey was always a competition. If I tried a new diet, she’d try it. If I mentioned a new store or nail salon, she’d check it out. If I started doing something different to my hair, she too would soon be sporting the same style. Ditto if I got a cute new pair of sandals or a stylish new tote bag. Since we were already so similar in tastes, I took it as a compliment that she imitated me rather than Single White Female-ing me. But looking back, I realize that her copycat behavior got worse when I got engaged. Like with her jobs, Stacey had flitted in and out of relationships while I stayed with Neil, moving from dating to moving in together to getting engaged. I sensed she was jealous, but I thought that it was because she wanted to settle down too—and not because she wanted to settle down with Neil. Was cheating with Neil simply another form of one-upmanship, or was something deeper going on that I missed?
Whereas Jordan showed herself to be a true friend from the get-go, why did I make excuses for Stacey? All the warning signs were there, and I ignored every single one—until she took my fiancé. I made this woman my maid of honor! Am I really just figuring out this friendship thing in my mid-thirties? What’s wrong with me? And I saw Stacey flirt with Neil, constantly. Jordan and Kate were always friendly with him but didn’t hang on his every word, or constantly touch his arm while laughing too loudly at his jokes, or compliment him incessantly, as Stacey did. But I blindly brushed it off as Stacey’s PR personality. So perhaps, for now, it’s a good thing that I’m not surrounded by PR folk, though I also can’t narrow down all my friendships to corporate litigators. Maybe this lying low is a good chance to do a new friend detox until I can trust my judgment again.
“WOW. JUST WOW.” Jordan leans back in the tiny bistro chair where we’re having lunch outside and where I just recounted everything Darren told me over cocktails. “What a B!” Jordan exclaims tactfully. There is a toddler seated at the next table over, and the mother gives us an appreciative nod.
I widen my eyes and nod in agreement. “Yes. And while I don’t believe in using that term, I’m going to make an exception here.”
“Honestly, Allie, you know how to pick ’em. First Stacey and then Kate. Who knew PR people were so vicious?”
“As opposed to lawyers?”
“No.” Jordan holds up her hand. “In law you go into it knowing that everyone you work with are going to be assholes. Litigation is the one profession where it pays to be an asshole. But public relations? Who knew?”
I glance over at the mother, who gives us an it’s fine shrug as her kid is too immersed in throwing French fries on the floor to pay attention to our language.
“It’s like anything, I guess. Everyone wants the top spot, the sexiest campaign, and the biggest client. But Kate was my friend. I mentored her.” I lean forward to emphasize this next part. “But she didn’t learn this type of backstabbing from me.”
“It looks like her true colors came out.” Jordan also leans forward and looks me straight in the eye. “But are you really surprised?”
I blink a couple times and consider this. “Actually, yes.” In hindsight, Stacey was a Brutus in the making, but not Kate. “Stacey’s betrayal is starting to make sense. It was like we were too alike, and so she had a one-upmanship with me. But Kate and I are totally different.”
“Yes. She’s a bitch and you’re not.” Jordan mouths “sorry” to the mother next to us. I roll my eyes, but I can’t disagree with this assessment. I would never do to my worst work enemy what Kate did to me. Turning back to me, Jordan says, “I agree that you and Stacey had a lot in common, in particular your taste in men.” She pauses. “Is that okay? Can we joke about this yet?”
“Still too early, but I’ll let it pass.” With my fork, I stab a piece of lettuce in my salad, pretending it’s Stacey’s face.
“Sorry.” She scrunches up her nose for a second to show her contriteness before continuing. “But I always sensed that Kate also wanted what you had and was secretly jealous of you. Let’s be honest, she’s not exactly the most pleasant person to spend time with, and she’s permanently hunched over from carrying that chip on her shoulder. She probably has to work a million times harder at what you’re naturally good at. I can’t believe that clients would rather go to her than you? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Though I don’t totally agree with Jordan’s assessment, being that Kate isn’t on my favorite person list at the moment, I’m not inclined to rise to her defense.
“It is what it is.” I give a resigned shrug, twisting the ends of my hair and noticing some new split ends. “That’s it then. I’m not falling into this stupid frenemy trap again. From now on, I’m only making friends with people who are richer, smarter, skinnier, and better looking than I can ever hope to be.” I’m being sarcastic, but a little part of me is starting to believe it.
“Hey, what about me?”
“You’re all of those things, so we’re good.”
Jordan laughs. “And you’re a liar. But I’ll take it.” She cocks her head and gives me an amused smile. “Frenemy trap?”
I nod wisely. “It’s from this book I read about toxic friendships. All this women-supporting-women stuff is a bunch of BS. Women are the worst.”
“Interesting. I’d assumed you’d be bitter about men for a while. I didn’t see this coming with women.”