Tell him that you missed him. Tell him that you’re sorry. But the words would not come. Then just say hello, dammit. That’s all you need to say.
‘Yes. I came back.’ It wasn’t what she wanted to say. Not even close.
Gideon took a hesitant step toward her, and Mercy tightened her grip on Rafe’s hand. She was holding Rafe’s hand. She hadn’t even realized that he’d offered or that she’d taken him up on it.
Next to her, Farrah rose and gently gripped her shoulders, pointing her toward Gideon. ‘Let go of Rafe, honey,’ she whispered. ‘You’re about to break his poor hand.’
Mercy immediately drew her hand away. ‘I’m sorry. So sorry, Rafe.’
‘You’re fine, Mercy,’ Rafe said in a low voice that soothed her frayed nerves. ‘Maybe you and Gideon want to take this into Dad’s office, where you’ll have some privacy?’
Mercy nodded numbly. She’d come all this way to talk to her brother, but her feet suddenly felt like lead. Part of her wanted to stay with Farrah and Rafe, because they were safe. But she owed Gideon the courtesy of a private explanation. ‘Privacy would be good.’ She drew a breath, straightening her spine. ‘Gideon? Would you show me to the office? I don’t know where it is.’
Gideon looked around the kitchen, seeming surprised to see the others. ‘Of course.’ He smiled, but it was clearly forced. ‘But first, I’d like to meet your friend. I’m Gideon Reynolds.’
Embarrassed, Mercy’s cheeks heated. ‘This is my best friend, Farrah Romero. She came with me from New Orleans.’
Farrah’s smile was gentle as she shook Gideon’s hand. ‘I’m so glad to finally meet you.’
Gideon swallowed hard. ‘Do you work with Mercy?’
Because Mercy had told him nothing of her personal life. She’d hoarded the details, at first still nursing her anger over what she had thought had been Gideon’s role in her torture at Ephraim’s hands. Then, once she’d known the truth, she’d been too overwhelmed and ashamed to tell him anything.
Not that Gideon understood that, because she hadn’t told him anything. I am a very bad person.
‘No,’ Farrah said. ‘I met her in college. We’ve been friends for many years. I work at the university. I’m in research.’
‘She is a doctor,’ Irina said. ‘And engaged to be married to a police captain.’
Gideon’s smile became warmer, less forced. ‘Irina should be a detective. She finds out all the good details before the rest of us do.’ Then he turned back to his sister. ‘Mercy?’
Farrah returned to Mercy’s side and gave her a small nudge. ‘I’ll be here. Call if you need me.’
‘Thank you.’ Mercy commanded her feet to move, and then she was following her brother out of the kitchen and into the hall, where Daisy stood, wearing her Brutus bag cross-body.
Daisy reached up to give Mercy a hug. ‘Welcome back,’ she said softly. ‘I missed you.’
Mercy sucked in a harsh breath as her eyes began to burn. ‘Thank you. I . . . I missed you, too.’ And it was true. Daisy’s buoyant optimism was so much like Farrah’s, and Mercy had wanted to drown herself in it when she’d been here before.
Daisy’s grin looked a bit forced. ‘Of course you did,’ she said lightly, and then she went into the kitchen to wait with the others, leaving Mercy and Gideon alone.
‘This way,’ Gideon said, leading her down the hall and through a great room with cathedral ceilings and carved wood everywhere. He finally knocked on a door, opening it when someone inside called to come in.
‘Gideon, my boy.’ Karl was seated at his desk, Sasha leaning against his chair. They were looking at something on his laptop, which Karl closed quickly. Then he stood. ‘It’s always good to see you.’ He rounded the desk to give Gideon a hug while Sasha watched, her expression smoothing from upset to unreadable. Just as her father’s had.
Which made Mercy wonder what they’d been looking at on that laptop.
‘I was wondering if we could use your study,’ Gideon said. ‘But if you were doing something important, we can find another—’
‘Hush.’ Karl gathered his laptop under his arm and motioned to Sasha. ‘Let’s go check on dinner. Your mother will have something for us to do.’
Gideon sat in one of Karl’s guest chairs and pointed to the other, indicating that Mercy should sit. She complied, biting back a wince when the bandage pulled.
Gideon frowned. ‘Are you in pain? Should you see a doctor?’
‘I saw a nurse. Irina cleaned the wound and bandaged me up quite capably. I’m fine.’
‘Okay.’ Gideon sat back, his eyes full of worry. ‘If I’d known you were coming, I’d have had the FBI there at the airport.’
‘I didn’t know I was coming,’ she admitted. ‘Not until I got off the plane. I kept thinking I’d turn tail and run again. I’m sorry I did that before.’
‘You don’t have to apologize. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself. I understand that.’ He hesitated, swallowing hard as the worry in his eyes gave way to hurt. ‘I guess I don’t understand why you needed to protect yourself from me. What—’ His voice faltered and he had to clear his throat. ‘What did I do wrong?’
Mercy’s eyes stung again. No, you will not cry. That wouldn’t be fair to Gideon. ‘Nothing,’ she whispered, her voice breaking. ‘It was me. All me. I didn’t know, Gideon. I didn’t know why you’d left Eden.’
Gideon’s expression flashed from surprise to sadness to resignation. ‘I figured that you didn’t know the day we Skyped with that kid from San Diego.’
The young man who’d known an Eden escapee, who’d loved him, and who’d grieved him when he’d committed suicide out of misplaced guilt. During that Skype session, the young man had raged that Eden had preached against homosexuality while their leaders raped young men. It was at that moment that Mercy had understood the truth.
‘Did you ever . . .’ Mercy had trouble even saying the words. ‘Did you ever want to, you know, end it?’
Gideon’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You mean end my life? No.’ Then he sighed. ‘Yes. Back in high school. But it was fleeting and Rafe got me through it. Did you?’
She nodded. ‘Farrah got me through it. Got me into therapy. Her family is a lot like the Sokolovs.’
Relief shone in Gideon’s eyes, so like her own. So like their brothers’ and sisters’. Tell him.