She now understood her mother’s reasons, even though she remained a little bitter. Her mother had known that if Mercy knew the truth about Gideon when she was nine years old, she would have openly defied the lies of the Eden leadership, causing her own punishment and endangering Gideon’s safety. Rhoda had ensured Gideon’s escape through perpetuating the lie, but none of any of this was Gideon’s fault.
The door opened and Rafe appeared, his face somber, his eyes soft. No judgments. His mouth lifted in a rueful half smile as he closed the door behind him and she was suddenly frozen in place, caught between the desperate need to flee and . . .
An even more desperate need to stay. To feel safe again. To feel accepted. Wanted.
It was selfish, so damn selfish, but she wanted Rafe Sokolov to hold her. Even if she was going to have to tell him it would never work out. They had different lives. They lived in different parts of the country. But none of that seemed to matter at the moment.
He hadn’t said a word since entering the room, leaning heavily on his cane as he slowly made his way toward her. Giving me time to run. But she didn’t run, the understanding in his gaze making her chest tight. New tears clogged her throat again and she didn’t have the energy to hold them back.
‘Hell, Mercy,’ he murmured when he reached her. He propped his cane against the chair in which she’d been sitting and opened his arms.
Without hesitation, she walked into them, shuddering when his arms closed around her, holding her as she cried. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but she felt the tensing of his body as he leaned his hip into the chair. He was hurting.
I’m hurting him. She tried to pull away, but his arms tightened their grip. ‘You need to sit.’
‘Don’t go,’ he murmured into her ear, making her shudder again as he shuffled them sideways and lowered them into the chair. Together. She was sitting on his lap, her weight resting on his good leg, the injured one stretched out straight.
She shouldn’t be doing this. She should get up, sit in the other chair. But he was warm, his arms strong, and she allowed herself to admit that she needed this. Craved the feel of him. But she shouldn’t be selfish. ‘I’m hurting you,’ she protested, even as she rested her head against his shoulder. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Not your leg. Not your heart.
‘No,’ he said softly. ‘We’re fine, Mercy. You’re fine. Don’t go. Not yet.’
Exhaling a sigh, she burrowed closer, letting him hold her, so grateful not to be alone. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘For what?’ he asked lazily, stroking her hair in a way that made her want to close her eyes and sleep.
‘Um, for falling apart in your father’s office?’
His chuckle rumbled under her ear. ‘You aren’t the first. Won’t be the last. I think all of us kids have fallen apart in this office at one time or another. I don’t think Dad gets much work done in here, to be honest.’
His warm voice was making her even sleepier. ‘You’ve fallen apart in here?’ She covered her mouth when she yawned. ‘Really? When?’
‘Really,’ he said lightly, still stroking her hair. ‘I’m a good listener, if you want to talk. If not, we can sit here as long as you like.’
She didn’t miss that he hadn’t answered her question, but that was okay. She was also a good listener and understood the value of patience. ‘If it’s okay, I’d rather be quiet for a while. I’m not used to talking so much.’
He chuckled again. ‘Hopefully you can get used to everyone else talking around you, or you’re going to tire of us Sokolovs pretty quickly.’ He abruptly stilled. ‘Do we bother you?’
‘No. Absolutely not. You’re the kind of family I always dreamed of. Like Farrah’s family.’
‘And . . .’ He hesitated. ‘Your brothers and sisters?’
She sighed. She hadn’t doubted that Gideon had shared the bombshell she’d dropped on him. ‘Yes.’ She was quiet again, and he let her be. But finally she said, ‘Gideon was so upset and he had a right to be.’
‘He’ll come around,’ Rafe promised. ‘I’ve known him for sixteen years. He loves you. He has dreamed of your acceptance for so long.’
‘He shouldn’t,’ Mercy whispered, ‘but I hope you’re right.’
‘Tell me about your brothers and sisters,’ he murmured quietly.
He was changing the subject, distracting her from her fears without chiding her or diminishing her. Mercy liked that a lot. ‘The oldest’s name is John Benz. He and Angela were our father’s legal children.’ She hesitated, then sighed. ‘My mother named me Mercedes.’
Rafe went still for a moment, then snorted a laugh. ‘She was young?’
‘Eighteen, give or take a few months. All the sibs winced when I told them and then they died laughing.’
Rafe continued to stroke her hair with the perfect amount of pressure. ‘How often do you see them?’
‘Every week. Brunch with John and his wife and kids. The kids think I’m like CSI, so I’m cool for the moment. When they meet Gideon, they’ll be so impressed that he’s FBI.’
‘I’m glad you have them, and once Gideon’s temper cools, he will be, too.’
His strokes had become slower as she relaxed against him. ‘You need to let me go, or I’ll fall asleep right here. It would be awful for your leg if that happened.’
His hand slid from her hair to her back, his touch a little more intense now, fingers massaging the muscles that were the tightest. ‘Where do you want to go, Mercy? Mom’s going to insist that you eat, but after that, you need to decide if you want to stay here at Mom and Dad’s, or come back to my house and stay with Sasha. Either way is fine with me. I’ll make sure you have someone guarding you, wherever you sleep.’
‘Thank you.’ She thought about it for a moment. ‘Will your mother be offended if we don’t stay here?’
‘Not at all.’
He sounded confident, but Mercy would check for herself when she saw Irina again. ‘If she’s really okay with it, I’d like to get to your place. I love Farrah’s family, and John and the others are the best, but I get overwhelmed with all the talking and the noise. I think your family would be similar.’
‘They can be . . . friendly,’ he said, affection clear in his tone. ‘That’s why I left home when I was eighteen. My grandmother left a house to all of us kids, but it needed work. I lived there while I went to college, fixed the house up whenever I had free time, then bought the others out when I’d saved enough money. It’s always been my oasis. I can always come here anytime if I need a little drama. I’ll let Mom know that you’re going home with me.’ He kissed her temple, then met her gaze. ‘I want to make all of this better for you, but I don’t know what to do.’