‘No, it’s because a sonofabitch is obsessed with you, baby. You can’t blame—’
She shoved away, glaring at him. ‘Don’t you dare tell me not to blame myself. I loved her. I loved her, Rafe. And she’s dead and it’s because of me.’
‘You aren’t responsible for anything Ephraim Burton has done.’
‘Aren’t I? If I’d cooperated six weeks ago and helped Gideon’s boss find him, then he couldn’t have killed her. And if I hadn’t fought him in Eden, he wouldn’t have hurt me so bad and Mama wouldn’t have tried to smuggle me out and she’d still be alive, too.’
He stared at her. ‘Mercy. Listen to yourself.’
‘I am,’ she hissed. ‘I am listening to myself and maybe I don’t make sense to you, but this is how I feel, so don’t you dare tell me it’s wrong.’
‘You’re right. I don’t have the right. I might have the right to my opinion, but not to force it on you.’
Mercy’s gaze lingered on his for a long moment, so full of pain that Rafe felt his own eyes sting. ‘I have to tell Farrah,’ she whispered.
‘No. Her captain is on his way. He flew out first thing after Miss Romero’s body was found. He wants to be here for her.’
‘How much longer will we need to wait? I don’t think I can keep this from her.’ Then her eyes narrowed. ‘Your mother knows. That’s why she snapped at Sasha.’
He nodded once. ‘Mom overheard Tom and me talking in the office. I didn’t want you to hear it in front of everyone. I thought you might need some quiet to process things, and that’s hard to do with an audience.’
She pursed her lips as the tears began to flow again. Clearly, her anger was gone, and it looked like it had been replaced by a sadness that was bone deep. But there was something else there, something soft and grateful. ‘Thank you. I appreciate it. That can’t have been an easy secret to keep.’
When he opened his arms, she leaned into him, returning her arms to his neck. ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you.’
He stroked her hair, wishing there were more he could do for her. ‘It’s okay. I get it. It’s a shock and you need to process your grief the best way you know how.’
She went still. ‘You sound like you know what you’re talking about.’
‘I do. I lost someone I loved and it almost killed me.’ He remembered the day he’d found Bella’s body. That was twice that he’d thought of her in the last hour, after burying her memory so deep that he’d gone whole months without feeling the crushing grief. He thought about hiding it now, but Mercy deserved his honesty. ‘And I blamed myself, too. It wasn’t logical or reasonable, but it was my truth.’
One of her hands let go of his neck, sliding down to cup his cheek. ‘What was her name?’
He flinched, not expecting the question. But he should have. Mercy had seen more than he’d wanted her to in those weeks after the shooting, those weeks that she’d barely left his side. ‘Bella.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rafe.’
‘Thank you. It was about three years ago. I manage not to think about her when I’m awake.’ He had no control over his nightmares. They were more frequent than he wanted to admit, even to himself.
‘But not when you’re asleep,’ she said quietly, with an understanding that broke his heart all over again. He didn’t want to know Mercy’s nightmares, but he’d listen if that was what she needed. ‘How did she die?’
He hesitated. ‘She was murdered.’
‘Rafe. Oh my God.’ She started to say more, then shook her head. ‘You don’t have to tell me. Unless you need to talk to someone. Then I’m here.’
He pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. ‘Not today. Today is about Farrah.’
She shuddered against him. ‘When is André getting here?’
‘Any minute now.’ And as if on cue, the doorbell rang. ‘That’s probably him.’
‘Do you need to greet him?’ she asked.
‘No. Mom knows he’s coming to see Farrah. She knows he needs to give her the news alone. She’ll probably put them in Dad’s office.’
‘Maybe you can go anyway,’ she murmured. ‘Tell him that whenever she needs me, I’ll go to her.’
He gave her a light squeeze, then tilted her chin so that he could see her face. ‘Do you really want time alone for yourself? I can go if you need me to.’
She nodded, wincing guiltily. ‘Just a little time. I need to pull myself together. Farrah doesn’t need me to be a weepy mess. She needs me strong.’
‘Maybe. Or maybe she’ll want to cry it out with someone else who loved her aunt.’
Mercy considered it, then dropped her eyes. But not before he saw her shame. ‘You’re right. This is one of those moments I wish I had a primer for social situations. I always pick the wrong thing to do or say.’
‘Hey.’ He waited until she looked at him. ‘You haven’t said the wrong thing to me. In fact, most of what you’ve said has been pretty damn perfect.’
‘No, it hasn’t been, but thanks for saying so.’
‘Mercy, don’t tell me what I think. I told you the truth.’ Thank you, Gideon. Thank you for reminding me to tell her the truth. ‘I will always tell you the truth.’
She clamped a hand over her mouth again, but the whimper escaped. He grabbed the tissue box from the nightstand. ‘I’ll go down to talk to Holmes, but he probably has Farrah in the office already. You got your phone?’
She shook her head. ‘I left it in the kitchen.’
‘I’ll send Gideon back with it. He’ll need to see that you’re okay with his own eyes.’
Her mouth bent in a watery smile. ‘He will.’
Hoping he wasn’t pushing too hard, Rafe dropped a quick, chaste kiss on her mouth. ‘Once you get your phone, text me if you need anything, okay? I’ll text you when Farrah needs you.’
She was staring up at him, her eyes wide, her lips parted, looking a little kiss-drunk. He smiled down at her because the look on her face was kind of adorable and much easier to witness than the agonized guilt. ‘Rest. Sleep if you need to.’
‘Wait.’ She rose gracefully. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. Then she pulled his head down for another kiss, this one deeper, longer. Better. So much better. ‘Thank you,’ she repeated huskily. ‘I’ll see you later.’