Enough. Better not overdo the unhappy childhood.
She’d been in Leicester for the weekend. A business conference, only it wasn’t her business. Her business was pleasuring the wealthy Bulgarian who attended. She had been set up by the escort firm. It was well paid. Lenko was at a meeting and she’d been dropped off at a department store. She had found an amazing, figure-hugging crimson dress which had lost its security device and taken it to the fitting room. The woman at the gate hadn’t bothered to count the items. Or so it seemed. Natasha had come out with the scarlet dress under her own and stepped quickly to the exit. But the woman had called security and she was stopped at the main door, taken back in and searched.
‘I don’t know why I did it. I’ve not done it since. Getting that caution scared the hell out of me. It was the only time. I swear.’
The two officers were looking at her intently and she suspected they didn’t believe her. If they decided to charge her for today’s incident, she would have to give up the all hope of the CPS.
‘It was five years ago. I’m a different person now. Please let me go. I’m worried about Luke.’
‘He’s waiting in reception.’
Something loosened inside her. Her headache had gone. She had told the truth, almost the truth and she had landed. The floor was solid. He was there. She felt her bump and thought she detected a slight shift inside.
The solicitor spoke. ‘You can see my client is distressed. She’s eight months pregnant, not to mention the diabetes. You know the case law on diabetes and automatism.’ Natasha doubted whether they did. It was contradictory and illogical, but she knew enough to know she could use it to her advantage if things got that far. The solicitor continued. ‘Even if the caution goes before the court, there won’t be enough evidence to convict. Haven’t you got better things to do?’
‘Wait here a minute, please.’
The officers left again.
‘Thanks,’ said Natasha.
‘No problem. They’re going through the motions. You’ll be out of her in five minutes.’
He really was rather cute. She noticed a wedding ring. Suddenly she felt naked without one and wished Luke had given her an engagement ring. Then she recalled her reaction when he had first mentioned marriage. She had been horrified, frightened. But that was how she had felt then. Life with Luke was different now. It would have to be different. A ring would be the symbol of that difference.
The woman came back alone. ‘You’re in luck.’ She handed Natasha a leaflet and a typed letter. ‘Give them this letter and this reference and you could jump the waiting list.’
Natasha scanned the leaflet. Seven smiling faces – young, old, male, female, black, brown and white – all testified to the success of their treatment at Action on Addiction. The list of problems tackled included drugs, alcohol, gambling and shoplifting. She read through the quotes. The participants sounded like happy tourists on a package tour.
‘Thank you. This looks really interesting.’
‘The initial consultation is free. They’ve had some great results. They really helped me,’ said the woman, her face softening.
‘Come on,’ said the solicitor, ‘Let’s get you signed out.’ By now Natasha was so exhausted she could barely walk. He held her arm as they went to the reception desk where she signed a receipt and was given her bag. The peppermints had gone.
‘Natasha. Lola. Whoever you are,’ said the woman. ‘Don’t let us see you again.’
The solicitor stood so close Natasha could smell him, the familiar smell of fresh male sweat. She had already forgotten his name. He hadn’t said much but what he had said was good. His presence had helped her. Without thinking she threw her arms around his neck. He stood unmoving, accepting though not responding to her burst of affection.
‘Thanks. You were great.’
‘Good luck, Natasha.’
She spotted Luke on the other side of the glass wall in the waiting area. He would believe or wish to believe her tale of forgetfulness. There was no need to mention the caution. Just the sight of him felt like fresh air through an open window. The news of the stabbing had unsettled her. There was always a fear of losing the person you loved.
He had never asked her whether she loved him. She had always behaved as the recipient of his love and she wondered whether he preferred it that way. He knew she needed him and perhaps need was easier for him to bear than love. But now as he stood there beaming on the other side of the reception desk, she realised that if anyone tried to hurt him she would want to kill them.
‘Who’s the kid?’
‘My solicitor.’
‘A bit friendly.’
‘He was good. I was scared you were dead.’
‘Oh that. Yeah there’s been trouble on the estate. Some nutcase.’ He paused and looked hard at her with his dark eyes. ‘What’ve you been doing, Tash?’
‘I was stupid. I didn’t mean to take anything. It was a dumb mistake. I just wasn’t thinking.’
‘Let’s get home. I brought the car. You look shattered.’
‘I’m feeling pretty weird.’
‘In what way weird?’ He sounded anxious.
‘Just tired. Hungry.’
She needed food and sleep. And love and shelter and warmth. Tomorrow she would need all her strength. Alisha would be cross-examining, doing everything she could to try to blacken Natasha’s character. But Natasha knew about cross-examination. It could destroy a case or strengthen it. And there was no doubt in her mind about what would happen in hers. By tomorrow evening the jury would be 100 per cent sure which of them was the villain, which the victim.
She sank with relief into the passenger seat. It was almost midnight, but the city was still heavy with traffic as Luke negotiated the short drive home. Sirens pierced the air. Horns blared. Mad cyclists without lights swerved in front of them. She looked at Luke’s hands on the wheel – large, strong hands which brought on a twitch of desire.
When they reached Moorlands, the police were still milling about behind strips of tape. But the nightmare of her arrest had disappeared, and they were going back to their tiny flat which, for the moment, was home. She laid her hands across her bump. The baby would be fine. The shooting pains were nothing but a reminder that someone was there, waiting to come out. She glanced down at the leaflet from the clinic.
‘What’s that?’ said Luke.
‘Some therapy bumf.’
She thought he would say ‘you should go’, but he didn’t. His hand slid up the steering wheel, as he steered the car to the left and backed into parking place.
Chapter Forty-three
Mel
‘All parties in the case of Goddard to Court Four.’
Mel’s heart lurched. She and Georgie were sitting in the crowded coffee bar in the reception area. His proximity warmed her, and she dreaded exchanging that warmth for the stifling atmosphere of the court room. He would be her only support today. Alisha was running the case without a solicitor. Jacob was in college. She hadn’t known who else to ask. The disembodied voice resumed.
‘All parties in the case of Goddard to Court Four.’
Georgie stood and stretched out an arm towards her. She reached for him. A memory surfaced, a tiny, terrified child, clutching her mother’s firm hand on her first day at nursery school. And now, forty years on, just as then, her throat was dry, her stuttered words hoarse and painful.