“It wasn’t bad at all. It’s a very calming fragrance. I thought it was kind of cute you thought you were getting away with something.”
I find myself staring at his lips. “How soon do you think they’ll move to phase three of getting back to normal?”
“Soon, I hope. There’s something I want to do.”
There’s a sly smile that curls on his lips, and it makes my heart beat a little faster. Feeling lightheaded, I point in the direction of a few chairs in the hall. I pick up a stack of newspapers someone left on the seat and quickly sit down. As I move the papers, the week-old headline catches my eye. I feel like all the air has just been knocked out of my lungs. Grant immediately holds my wrist and takes my pulse. I’m aware that he’s talking to me, but I’m blocking him out while I read the article about the fire. I feel my chest rise and fall in short anxious breaths as the memories that have been eluding me come back with lightning force. I can faintly hear Grant’s voice calling my name as he pulls the newspaper out of my hands and kneels in front of me.
“Rose. Rose, answer me.”
I focus on his face, and it pulls me back to reality. A reality that I don’t want to be in. My hands start to shake. “Ryan didn’t make it out,” I whisper.
Grant holds my trembling hands and strokes my cheek. “No. He didn’t,” he confirms.
Tears fill my eyes. “We knew those kids were trapped on the sixth floor. The chief said it was unsafe and already engulfed in flames. I ignored him and Ryan went with me. We found them trapped in the stairway, wrapped in blankets they had soaked in water. The walls were coming down around us. Ryan cleared a path and insisted I get the kids out, and he’d be right behind me.” Falling tears turn to a hard sob.
Grant sits beside me and pulls me into his arms. I lean in against his chest, and he holds me, protectively tucked beneath his chin. “I’m sorry,” he whispers as he presses his lips to the top of my head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I don’t know how long we sit in silence before he stands and walks me back to my room. “I can stay the night if you need me to.” He pulls the blankets over me. “I’ve ordered you something to help you sleep. The nurse will be down with it shortly.”
“How long did he live? Was he in pain?”
“Rose...”
“I need to know,” I plead.
He rakes his fingers through his hair and sighs. “He died instantly. They pronounced him dead at the scene.”
I purse my lips and try to hold back the tears, but the grief is too strong. The nurse arrives with the promised anxiety meds, and in no time at all, I feel my eyes close. During the night, I feel the blankets go taught around my legs as if someone is sitting on the side of the bed. I open my eyes and try to focus on the figure there, but I’m just too tired.
When I awake the next morning, Grant is sleeping in a chair beside my bed. He looks more comfortable than he did sitting at the bottom of the bed in the middle of the night. His facemask dangles from one ear. As if he knows I’m watching him, he opens his eyes and sits up. “How did you sleep?” he asks.
“I had weird dreams.”
“I suppose that’s understandable.” He brushes my hair away from my face and smiles. “If you’re up to it, you can go home today.”
I feel a strange mixture of excitement and dread. “Did I miss the funeral?”
He frowns. “Yes, you were still in a coma after surgery to reduce the swelling in your brain.”
“It should have been me.” I look down, feeling guilty and distraught.
“Hey.” He sits on the side of the bed and lifts my chin with his finger. “Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. You have many things left to do in your life, and it wasn’t time for you to leave us. And...and I’d miss you.”
“You would?”
“I would. I know you and Ryan had a thing, but I consider you a friend. Not to mention, I couldn’t stand to do any of those boring fundraisers on my own.”
I cock my head to the side. “What?” I interrupt. “A thing? What thing?”
He raises one brow. “You know. You and Ryan.”
“As in dating?” I asked, shocked.
“Yes,” he says awkwardly. “Weren’t you dating?”
I shake my head. “No. Where did you get that idea?”
He shrugs and looks at me in a strange way. I can’t determine if it’s relief or confusion.
“Is that why you never asked me out?”
“You were always with him. I’m not the kind of guy to try and romance away another man's girl.”
The door opens, and my parents walk in, squashing the moment and making a lot of noise. Grant gives me a small wave as he leaves the room while my mother annoyingly fusses over me. In moments, she’s got me ready to go and has my dad pulling the car up. I walk down the hall and past the nurses’ station with great clarity and presence of mind. Every masked face is now a familiar one. I try to get Grant’s attention, but he’s busy with other patients, so I quietly exit.
My parents insist that I stay with them for at least a few days. I’m quite glad, although I’d never tell them that. On the way home, against his better judgement, my father caters to my request and takes me to Ryan’s grave. It’s an agonizing but necessary thing I need to do. When we get home, I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep, sitting in a chair in the living room. I doze on and off, feeling like I’m suffering from a sedation hangover. I can’t stop thinking about Grant. How did I miss it all that time? How did I not know? The COVID update station plays constantly on the kitchen T.V., and something the newscaster says captures my attention. I open my eyes and blink them rapidly. I must be dreaming or still drugged. “Ryan?” I whisper. The heavy feeling in my heart begins to lift, and I smile at the sight of him sitting on the couch in front of me. “It was you, sitting on the end of my bed. I thought I was going crazy.”
“What are you waiting for?” he asks.
“I can’t drive,” I explain.
“There are always excuses for not looking after your happiness,” he scolds. “Call the squad and go get him.”
“Who are you talking to?” my mom asks as she enters the room.
I look at her and back at the empty couch. “No one.” Nervous energy runs through me, but I find myself dialing the fire station. I pace back and forth on the driveway until they arrive.
“I heard you need a ride,” the chief yells as they pull up. I smile. This is my life. It’s my career and my everything. But I need one more thing. I need love. I need Grant.
The squad makes one heck of a noise as we pull up out front of the hospital, and although I turn down their request to escort me in, they ignore me and do it anyway. Patients, visitors, and staff all stare at me, making me feel more nervous as I make my way to the 6th floor with my entourage. Funny, I only left here a few hours ago, but it’s already humming with life as family and friends begin to visit their loved ones. My nurse grins from ear to ear when I approach. I don’t have to tell her why I’m there. She knows.
Grant looks up from his clipboard and pauses, looking shocked.
“Hi,” I say awkwardly.