I could still feel his lips on mine from just before he walked out the front door. I’d kissed him goodbye, not knowing if it was real or not, or for how long. Possibly forever. But Benny was dead, and we’d finally cornered one of his men to testify against the remaining Carlisis: a washed-up Vegas gambler who was now shaking down small-time strip clubs for Benny, who happened to be Abby Maddox’s estranged father. Mick Abernathy was now in custody. Abby had handed over a six-inch stack of intel on her own father, giving him no choice but to testify against the remaining Carlisis. We knew they wouldn’t stop without blood. It was our hope that Benny’s men would believe Thomas’s death would serve as a warning and keep Travis or me from testifying.
I could have planned a lifetime and still never prepared myself to see the father of my child gunned down in our front lawn. That moment was when the tears began to fall, and they hadn’t stopped.
After a specific knock on the door, Hyde did a quick check, sidearm ready, and then let in another agent in plain clothes, holding large plastic bags. “Afternoon, Agent Hawkins.”
He nodded to Hyde and then me. “Agent Maddox.”
“Lindy,” Hyde corrected him. “She’s still Lindy.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, stuttering over his words. “I thought …”
I could only shake my head, feeling tears pool in my eyes again. It made me angrier each time. Where was that phenomenon people always talked about? Being cried out?
Thomas had proposed to me several times, but that wasn’t in the plans, and I always stuck to the plan. The day Stella came into the world, plans changed, and I decided it might not be so bad after all. The next time I saw Thomas again, he’d promised to propose. No airplanes writing in the sky, no flowers, no Eiffel Tower or any other theatrics, but we had a new plan. I just had to make sure I would see him again.
Agent Hawkins laid out a thin blanket and began unpacking the plastic bags. “The queen size sheets and comforter you requested. The crib sheets, pillow, rags, and Lysol. The sheets have all been laundered. The crib sheets with the detergent you requested.”
“Thank you,” I said, watching as he excused himself.
Hyde was already wiping down the crib as I turned to place Stella on the thin blanket. I unfolded her crib sheet and smelled it to confirm it had been laundered in mild baby soap. I breathed in deep, remembering how much Thomas loved this smell as we readied the nursery. A nursery we weren’t using.
I made Stella’s bed and then picked her off the thin blanket to place her tiny body in the center of the crib. She flailed and cried while I changed her diaper and then settled down as I dabbed her shrinking umbilical cord with alcohol and buttoned her PJs back up from ankle to chest. I placed a pacifier in her mouth, and she suckled on it until she stilled and fell asleep. She looked so small in that filthy motel-issued crib. She had a brand-new, breathtaking nursery at home, and she’d barely seen it. She didn’t deserve this germ-infested room.
My throat tightened, and the tears flowed again.
Hyde held out a tissue, her expression emotionless.
“You must think I’m nuts,” I said, wiping my eyes.
“No. My sister’s had kids. It doesn’t last forever.”
“I didn’t know you were an aunt. Nieces or nephews?”
“Both,” Hyde said. She was trying to hide a smile. “Hunter is five. Liz is three. Noah is eight months.”
“Wow,” I said, breathing out a laugh.
Agent Hyde’s expression softened. “You’ve been through a lot, Lindy. Cut yourself some slack.”
I thought about her words, and she was right. I would never be so harsh to anyone else in my situation. I nodded, wiping the tip of my nose. “Thank you. I will.” I cleared my throat, trying my best to think and feel like the agent I once was. “Any new information on Maddox?”
“He’s alive,” she said.
I swallowed down an urge to cry. “And the Carlisis?”
“In custody. One dead.”
“Which one?” I asked.
“Vito,” Hyde reported.
I rubbed the tension from my neck. The stress and the baby were taking a toll, and I could barely keep my eyes open. “Benny’s favorite. That’s going to hit them all hard.”
“Don’t discount Giada. She’s unstable.”
Hyde was right. The Carlisi’s matriarch could be considered even more dangerous than Benny was. She stayed in the background, but she had ordered many of the hits, via whisperings in her husband’s ear. “It will either break her or resolve her to finish this.” I nodded, reaching for my phone.
“Agent Lindy,” Hyde said, taking a step forward. When I froze, she continued. “I can contact the director if you’d like to notify him of Giada.”
“Oh, right,” I said, setting down my phone. The Carlisis thought I was a grieving widow. If there was a trace or mole or any other intel being given to the Carlisis—which we could only assume since they’d known Thomas’s exact location, and later found out Travis’s—I had to be careful. Only a small handful of people knew that Thomas was alive. It made sense to have protection and to be moved from our home to a safe location, but if I was making calls to the director about anything other than my anger over what had happened to Thomas, it could tip them off.
“We need to find who or what they’re using for the info,” I said.
“We’re on it.”
“Do we have a lead?”
“Agent Lindy, the baby is sleeping. My sister always naps when the baby is sleeping. It’s about the only time she—”
“Okay,” I said. “You’re right.”
Hyde seemed surprised at my response but quickly recovered, stripping the bed and remaking it with the clean sheets, pillow, and blanket in the time it took me to take a shower. I plodded to the bed in house shoes, unwilling for my bare feet to touch the crusty carpet.
I lay down, smelling the slightest hint of lavender. Hyde noticed me looking around and sniffing.
Hyde shifted her weight, and her face flushed. She was noticeably uncomfortable with my unasked question. “I asked Hawkins to track down a couple of air freshener plug-ins. Your home smells a little like lavender, so I thought it’d make you feel more at ease. Just a couple. If it’s too much for the baby …”
“No,” I said with an appreciative smile. “No, that was very thoughtful of you.”
“It was Agent Taber who suggested them.”
“Val,” I said with a smile, but then my eyes began leaking again.
“She’ll be on the first flight. She insisted on accompanying you to Illinois.”
“Thank you,” I said, already feeling desperate to see my closest friend.
Hyde didn’t smile or show much of a response, but even that made me feel comforted because I was used to that with my mother. She showed her love in what she did for me. My father was the affectionate and animated one. Maybe that was why the director had chosen Hyde as my personal security. Besides being one of the Bureau’s best drivers and best with a pistol, she was also somehow maternal.
I rested my head against the pillow. It also smelled a bit like lavender, and I had to wonder if Hyde had spritzed it to further help me relax. I wouldn’t ask. I didn’t want to embarrass her again.