“Kevin,” he said quietly. “Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but I feel I must say what is on my mind. A command is not for everyone, you know. There is no shame in that. I recall that you were reluctant to take command of the Trilaterals and now you have a Welsh property that is volatile. It is very possible that Wybren cannot be governed by an English commander at all. It has been in Welsh hands for a very long time and it would probably be a great relief to turn it back over to the Welsh. If the burden of command is too great for you, Sean can send knights to command the garrisons of the Trilaterals and you can return to London and to The Marshal and forget about this mess. I realize there is a lady involved, but returning to London would put you back into a position you are familiar and confident with. Mayhap you would be happier.”
Kevin was shaking his head before Alexander even finished. “I am never going back to serve William Marshal as a spy,” he said. “I will always support him, but at a distance. That part of my life is finished.”
Alexander apparently knew nothing about that because he looked rather puzzled as Sean cast him a quelling glance. Sean, in fact, knew what Kevin was speaking of. He’d heard it before, when he was healing from his near-mortal wounds. It was a subject he wasn’t sure he wanted to readdress, not now.
“You have always been an integral part of The Marshal’s stable, Kevin,” Sean said softly. “You did not need to resign your position with him. He told you to think about it.”
“I know,” Kevin said, tensing. “He told me to think about it and I did. I told you this before, Sean – I cannot serve a man who would so willingly allow his greatest knights to be put in such grave danger as you were. For nine bloody years, you risked your life and, in the end, it very nearly cost you that. You were betrayed by those you trusted.”
“It was my duty, Kevin.”
“Your duty nearly killed you!”
They were getting into the same old argument, something they’d argued over since Sean had accepted the mission as the king’s bodyguard. Sean and Kevin went for years without speaking to one another because Kevin didn’t agree with what Sean had done, and it was only over the past few years that they had reconciled.
Sean didn’t want to get into the same old conflict.
“Kevin, it is over and done with,” he said, more firmly. “Berating me is not going to wipe away the past, so let us not go into it again. I know you feel as if I was betrayed, but I assure you, it was not intentional. You did not have to resign because you were disillusioned.”
“I was not disillusioned.”
“You have been hiding up here on the Marches since that battle at the Tower of London.”
That was a true statement, whether or not Kevin wanted to admit it. His gaze lingered on his brother before looking to Alexander, who had much the same opinion that Sean had – Kevin had been hiding since that battle.
That only made Kevin feel worse.
“You two think alike,” he muttered. “You are both older than I am, and you have seen more life and death situations than I have. You have lived through them, right or wrong. I am not like either of you. I never fit into the Executioner Knights and I know that. All I wanted to do was serve my country, but I was never truly a part of The Marshal’s agents. I was… different.”
“You were balance,” Sean said softly, with sympathy. “Every group needs balance, Kevin. You were our balance, ensuring we never got too consumed with the darkness that was so readily around us. We need you.”
Kevin sighed heavily and lowered his head again. “I was the fool,” he said. “I was judging men when it was not my place to do so. I was trying to fight a clean and virtuous war while the rest of you were fighting in the filth. We had two different ideas on how service should be accomplished. But I still do not want to go back to The Marshal. I want to remain here. I want to establish my command at Wybren and I want to be a wise and benevolent lord.”
Sean’s gaze lingered on his brother, but there was warmth in his expression. Kevin had always been stubborn and determined, the little brother who was so loyal and true.
He still believed there was good left in the world.
“You will be,” he said. “You already are. And even if you no longer wish to serve The Marshal, you are still an Executioner Knight. Once an Executioner Knight, always an Executioner Knight. We will still kill and die for you, Kevin. And I know you would do the same for any one of us. Semper frater, as we say. Always a brother.”
Kevin nodded. “It is true,” he said. “If any one of you call me, I will answer. I would not even ask why. I would simply come.”
“I know,” Sean said. “So, even though you are sequestered here on the Marches, do not think that you can get away from us. You cannot. But let us refocus on your issue with this Lady Juliandra – have you thought about what you want to do about the situation? We have given you suggestions, but you may already have a solution.”
Kevin shrugged. “Bannon told me that I should tell the lady that her father unexpectedly passed away, making is sound as if he succumbed to a natural death while in my custody,” he said. “It would be another lie, of course, but it would explain his death and not make me the cause of it.”
“And she would not know that you lied to her in the first place.”
“Exactly.”
Sean looked at Alexander, who shrugged. “It is as good a plan as any,” Sean said. “But you should probably do it soon before someone discovers her father’s body in the vault and tells her.”
“Bannon and I have just discussed that very thing.”
“But it still does not solve the issue of your feelings for the lady.”
Kevin looked at his brother. After a moment, he smiled weakly. “Nay, it does not,” he said. “But I would like you to meet her. Mayhap then you can understand why I feel what I feel, and why I do not want her to know that I lied to her in the first place.”
Sean stood up from his chair, wearily. “Then let me meet this young woman,” he said. “I am eager to see what kind of taste you have in women.”
Kevin’s smile grew. “Excellent, of course.”
“We shall see,” Sean said. “Lead the way, little brother.”
Kevin took them back down the narrow stairs with the low beams, listening to them hiss and curse all the way down.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
She’s a beauty.
That was Sean’s first thought when he met the very lovely and gracious Juliandra ferch Gethin. She was in the great hall when they returned, serving the knights and carrying on what seemed to be a witty conversation with Gareth. Sean watched for a moment. He knew Gareth and the man wasn’t a great orator. He didn’t even like conversation.
But Juliandra seemed to have drawn it out of him.
She was exceedingly kind and attentive to Sean and Alexander upon introductions, and that carried over to Kevin, who couldn’t take his eyes from her. In that moment, Sean could see that his brother was far gone in his infatuation with the woman. He might even already be in love with her. There was something about the woman that made men respond to her, and Kevin most of all.