“I came here to tell you once again how sorry I am and to bring your father home,” he said, his voice faint and raspy. “I came to tell you how sorry I am that a decision I made cost me everything – your trust, my happiness. It was never my intention to hurt you, Juliandra, but our association started off on a lie, a decision I made for what I thought was the greater good. Never did I imagine that our lives would somehow be intertwined to the point where I was terrified to tell you the truth. I did not want anything to touch our happiness, but my bad decision has cost me. I came here to beg your forgiveness and for no other reason except to tell you… tell you that I love you. That does not come from a man of desperation. That comes from a man in love.”
Juliandra still had her hand over her mouth, tears coursing down her face at his words. She was calmer now that she had been when she’d first discovered his deception, but not by much. There was still a great deal of hurt and anger there.
“Oh… Kevin,” she whispered. “I love you, too. But what we have… it was all built on a lie.”
He nodded, weary and in pain. “I know,” he said. “I do not know if you can find it in your heart to give me an opportunity to rebuild it, but I hope that, someday, you will give me that chance. I am not asking you to forgive me today, tomorrow, or even next week, but mayhap a day will come when such a thing seems reasonable. When that time comes, if it comes, I will be waiting.”
With that, he stepped aside as his brother and Alexander lifted Aeron’s body and hauled it out of the chamber. Megsy ran after them, giving Kevin a wide berth as she ran around him, telling Sean and Alexander where they could put the body. That left Kevin and Juliandra alone in the hall, a smashed room and a bloodied floor between them.
Juliandra simply stood there, looking at him as the silent tears ran. Kevin was so weak and weary that he could barely stand, but he faced her as proudly as he could. He drank in her vision, wondering if it was going to be the last time he ever did.
“It has been a day of great upheaval,” Juliandra finally whispered, wiping at her face. “I know you are in pain, Kevin. I am in pain, too. I have lost my father and my husband on the same day.”
He was struggling not to weep at her words. “You have not lost me,” he muttered. “You will never lose me. Even if you cannot forgive me, I am still your husband and I shall always be here if you need me. All you need do is call and I shall come. I shall defend you and protect you until the day you die, no matter what. But know this… whatever you decide, I will never love another. I have given my heart to you. It is not mine to ever give again.”
Juliandra’s face crumpled and she nodded, indicating that she understood, as she struggled not to openly sob. Kevin watched her weep, wishing with all his heart that he could take her in his arms and comfort her.
To see her like that was tearing him apart.
“I never meant to cause you pain,” he said. “Please believe me, Juliandra. I never set forth to deliberately hurt you.”
She nodded. “I know.”
He sighed heavily. “What do you want me to do with your father?” he asked. “Given that he hates the church, I did not want to take him to the local parish, so I brought him home.”
Juliandra wiped at her eyes. “There is a cellar near the kitchen,” she whispered tightly. “I can have the servants take him there.”
“That is not necessary,” Kevin said. “I will carry him.”
“But you… you are injured.”
He smiled, but it was without humor. “It does not matter,” he said. “As your husband, it is my duty to tend to your father. Where is the kitchen?”
Juliandra pointed to the doorway behind her. “On the north side,” she said. “Are… are you sure that you do not need any help?”
Kevin shook his head as he turned for the door. “Nay,” he said. Then, he paused to look at her. “In the days and weeks and years to come, I pray you do not think too unkindly of a man who found more happiness with you in two days than most men find in a lifetime. If our lives do not join again, then know that I wish you the utmost health and happiness, Juliandra ferch Gethin de Lara. Even if we are not together, you will always be my entire world.”
With that, he headed out, limping and bleeding, leaving Juliandra standing in her destroyed hall. Making her way to the only chair in the room that wasn’t damaged, she collapsed on it and wept.
EPILOGUE
Brighton, Sussex
The brown pebble beach didn’t bother his feet like it used to. He’d learned to walk on it since he’d spent the past several months here, letting a little cottage in the sleepy fishing village of Brighton and coming out to the beach every single day to fish for mackerel or anything else he could catch. At first, it had been difficult for him to focus on the art of relaxation, but he learned to settle down soon enough.
No battles, wars, intrigue, or spying.
It was the first time since childhood that he had known peace.
Perhaps not complete peace, but at least he wasn’t making himself ill any longer. That had gone on for months, unable to eat and drinking excessively. He’d literally made himself ill every single night and then every day, it would start all over again.
It was the cycle his life had become.
Sean had finally made him go to Brighton. When he’d left Juliandra in Wales and he’d refused to stay to Wybren, he put Gareth in command of the fortress and headed back to Trelystan where he had proceeded to turn into a moody, angry, bitter man. Kevin had never been the unemotional type and when word reached his brother that he was still not himself, Sean had summoned him to Lansdown, whereupon he had forced Kevin to take a trip to get away from the Marches and learn to deal with the unexpected thing his life had become.
At first, Kevin had refused to go anywhere. But eventually, Sean and his wife, Sheridan, broke him down and sent him off to Brighton because both Kevin and Sean had fond memories of the place, and Sean had decided that was the place for him to go. Quite literally, he had escorted Kevin to the brown, rocky shores of Brighton and found him a little cottage to let.
Sean had remained with him at first and they had enjoyed peace and relaxation as they had never before enjoyed in their adult lives. It was just the two of them sitting in the sand, fishing, having absolutely nothing to do but talk and fish. Brothers bonding as they had never bonded before. But eventually, Sean had to return home, leaving Kevin alone to enjoy the sunshine.
And here he was.
It was a warm day in late summer as a brisk sea breeze blew off of water the color of a pale blue gemstone that Kevin once saw a woman wear in London. It was a bright, rich color. Overhead, gulls gathered because when he caught a fish, he usually threw it back and they would dive in to gobble it up.
But they had to fight the dog for it.
About ten feet to his right, a big, black dog lay in the sand, waiting for the next fish to be tossed. The stray dog had found Kevin and Sean on their first few days in Brighton and now was Kevin’s constant companion. He’d named it Ax because it was dark like a steel blade and had a big, wide head, so Ax followed Kevin around every moment of the day and slept at his feet a night. He was a good watchdog, too.
As Ax dozed in the sun, Kevin shifted positions on the sand, wincing when the wound Aeron had given him in his left thigh pained him. It was only now starting to heal correctly after having become poisoned for quite some time. When Aeron had stabbed him, he’d driven leather and fabric and mail into the wound, and it had festered repeatedly until a physic in Brighton had managed to clean it all out and sew it up tightly. Then, and only then, had it started to heal.