“Shut up,” she muttered. “I know what a kiss is, I meant…” She pointed to the spot where we’d just shared the most earthshatteringly amazing kiss of all time. “What was that?”
She came back over and dropped down onto the towel beside me. “Are you done freaking out yet?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t think so.”
I reached for a chip. “I’ll wait.”
“Are you a little freaked out?”
Yes. “Nope.”
“Did you...did you…”
I arched my brows as she fumbled for words.
“Did you bring me here for...that?” She waved a hand toward my lips.
“No,” I said. Actually, I scoffed.
My heart was still racing too fast, but right now it didn’t feel like the good kind of heady rush, it felt more like...panic.
Crap. We couldn’t both panic.
And there was nothing to freak out over. It was a kiss. Just a kiss. With a girl I kind of liked.
A girl who liked another guy.
I wiped salt and crumbs off my hands.
“Was this part of your whole teaching me how to relax thing?” Her brows were pulled together so a little V formed over her nose, and her freckles stood out in sharp contrast to her flushed skin.
“Yup,” I lied. “Exactly. We’re just having fun, Haze. There’s nothing to freak out about.”
“Oh.” She reached for a shirt, and I tried to see what she was thinking. What she was feeling.
Was she...disappointed?
When she stood upright again, she tugged her T-shirt over her suit and let out a long breath. “I guess I’m not ‘fun’ like that,” she said. “I’m not...I can’t…” She shook her head, and a sweet, vulnerable expression crossed her face, making me feel like the worst creep on the planet.
“I guess I’m just not cut out for fun,” she said, a hint of a rueful smile on her lips.
“It’s cool, Haze, seriously. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
Even as I said it, my heart was still tripping wildly, and my body was so tense I felt like I was plummeting to the earth and bracing for impact.
I really didn’t need to hear any ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speeches, especially when I knew very well why she was so freaked.
I wasn’t the guy she liked.
I wasn’t the one she wanted.
So whatever. Fine. I hadn’t cared all that much anyways. I started throwing the snacks back into the box. “Look, we’ve still got a few hours before I need to get you back for swim practice, and for this next stage of the day, you get to choose where we go next.” I lifted the box and stood before her. “I’ve narrowed it down to an arcade or a strip club.”
She choked on a laugh and then grinned, like I’d hoped she would, the tension between us dissolving fast now that I’d changed the topic.
She tapped her finger to her chin. “Hmmm, let’s see...I think I’m going to go with arcade.”
“Party pooper,” I called out as I dumped the remainders of our picnic into the trunk and opened the passenger side door for her.
“There’s a place on the way back into town,” I told her as she drew close. “And nearby is one of the best pizza places outside of New York.”
“You can’t possibly be hungry again,” she said, her lips curving up slightly as she came to a stop before me.
“I will be after I kick your butt at skeeball,” I said.
“Ha! I’d like to see you try.” She hesitated with one hand on the door, her expression strained. “Hey, about earlier—”
“Let’s just forget it ever happened,” I said.
Her shoulders sagged, and she brushed against me as she climbed in. “Yeah. Okay. I can do that.”
I shut the door behind her and shoved my hands into my pockets as I took my time heading to the driver’s side.
Despite the perfect, cloudless, warm sunny day, I had a cold, heavy slithering sensation in my gut. It came right alongside a realization.
Hazel might be able to forget about that kiss, but I’d be thinking about it for the rest of my life.
11
Hazel
“Have you ever thought about modeling?” Lulu teased the next day at our lunch table.
Charlotte lifted her head from her phone with a shy smile. “You look beautiful, Hazel.”
“Looks like you were having the time of your life.” Max’s voice was cryptic at the other end of the table. Avery was MIA again—my guess was she was dealing with another baby meltdown for her health class project.
Simone was at her table where she normally sat with her best friend and boyfriend. I looked over to see her laughing at something Andrew said. She laughed a lot these days. Maybe she was the one I ought to talk to. Presumably she kissed her boyfriend, so maybe she could help me get my head on straight.
Were all kisses like that?
“So...did you?” Max kept talking, and I looked back over to her with arched brows. “Did I what?”
She turned her phone to face me—as if I hadn’t already seen the photos I’d been tagged in last night. I’d seen. Everyone had seen. The photos started popping up right as swim team practice was letting out, and Justin, Bobby, and the other guys had teased me mercilessly about how “sick” I’d been if I’d had to miss school.
Luckily our coach hadn’t overheard.
All eyes were on me as Emma nudged my arm. “Well, did you?”
I cleared my throat. “Did I what?”
Emma rolled her eyes as the others waited expectantly. “Did you have a great time? It looks like you had a blast.” She sighed. “I’m officially jealous.”
“I want someone to whisk me off for an impromptu picnic,” Lulu agreed with a sigh.
“I don’t know if I could ever play hooky,” Charlotte said, her expression thoughtful. “But I like the idea of it.”
“You still haven’t answered, you know,” Max pointed out.
Out of all my friends, Emma might have been the one I was closest to, but Max was probably the most similar to me in personality and mindset. Out of this whole silly Lonely Hearts Club, as Avery named us, she was the only other pragmatist. The only one who didn’t think romance was the be-all end-all of our high school experience.
She had the newspaper. I had my swim team. We had our passions, we didn’t need to find passion elsewhere. Up until this irritating Justin crush, I’d been more than happy with knowing I likely wouldn’t find love or a boyfriend until college, at the earliest.
I’d even been fine with going to college a kiss virgin, as Emma put it.
And I still was fine with it.
Theoretically.
Except….now I wasn’t a kiss virgin, because Will had kissed me. He’d kissed me, and it had been amazing. The thrill of it had rivaled the feel of winning a meet. The sensations were so new, so overwhelming, so...terrifying.
But...the thing was...I hadn’t been scared.
Because it had been Will, and for whatever reason, I trusted him. It hadn’t felt like some random hookup between two hormone-crazed teens, it had felt….organic. Like a natural next step in a day filled with fun and adventure. It had been heady and...and...romantic.