“Okay,” I lie.
“Well, let’s take a look and see what’s happening.”
“I don’t want to push until Sam gets here.” I groan as the urge comes back with no way for me to ignore it. “How. Do. I. Stop?”
“You can’t, Lucy. You have to do what your body’s telling you to do.”
“No.” I shake my head and tears run down my cheeks. “She can’t come until Sam gets here.” I drop my head back against the pillow and try to fight it, but it’s a losing battle.
“It’s going to be okay,” Sebastian says, holding my hand while Dr. Fletcher examines me, but I see the worry in his eyes too.
“Okay, Lucy, push against my hand.” I do, but not by choice. “I can see the top of the baby’s head,” he says. “You’re fully dilated.”
I exhale as the urge leaves me again. “You can see her?”
“Yep.” He smiles. “She’s got a head full of hair.”
“She does?” I cry, conflicted with feelings of awe and angst.
Sebastian pulls his hand to his mouth and his eyes mist over.
Dr. Fletcher looks at me and says, “Lucy, I know you want to wait for Sam to get here. I want him here too. But your baby is ready now. She’s not going to wait. I need you to help me deliver her, okay? I can’t do it on my own, unless it’s in the OR, and I know you don’t want that.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head.
“Okay then. Every time you have a contraction, you’re going to feel the urge to push. I need you to listen to your body and push into that feeling.”
“Okay,” I cry, nodding over the tears that keep rolling down my cheeks.
“You can do this, Lucy,” Sebastian says, squeezing my hand.
* * *
“Lucy, here comes another contraction, it’s time to push again,” Meghan says, but I can barely lift my head.
“I can’t, I’m too tired.” I shake my head and cry, “I can’t push anymore.”
“Yes you can,” Sebastian says, putting his hand behind my neck. “Come on.” He lifts my head and helps me curl my shoulders forward.
“You can do it, Lucy, just a little more,” Sarah encourages.
I close my eyes, squeeze every muscle in my body, and push as hard as I can.
“Push, Lucy, push!” Sebastian and Meghan say in unison.
“I’m pushing!”
“You have to push harder, Lucy,” Dr. Fletcher says, looking up at me. “I need your help, remember?”
“I can’t,” I cry, falling back against the pillows. “I can’t do it anymore.” Tears leak from my eyes, dampening the strands of hair that are sticking to my sweat-sheened face. “I need Sam. I can’t do this without him. I don’t want to do this without him,” I say to Sebastian.
“Lucy, listen to me,” Dr. Fletcher says, sounding unusually firm. “You’re having very strong contractions and you’ve been pushing for over an hour. If the baby’s heart rate keeps dropping, I’m going to have to do an emergency C-section. I don’t know how much more she can take.”
“What? No.” I cry harder.
“I know that’s not what you want, but if you don’t deliver soon, I won’t have a choice.”
“Look at me,” Sebastian says, squeezing my hand tight. “I know you need Sam right now. I know you don’t want to do this without him. I don’t want that either. But what we want doesn’t matter right now. The only thing that matters is getting the baby out safely.”
“I need you to give me just a few more pushes, Lucy,” Dr. Fletcher says. “But they have to be strong.”
Sebastian looks at me and says, “Be strong for her, Lucy. You can do this.”
I nod my tired head and close my eyes, anticipating the next contraction. I can do this. I inhale a deep breath and blow it out slowly.
“Lucy!”
I open my eyes and see Sam rushing over to me. “Sam!” I cry, feeling my overworked heart beat faster inside my chest. I look up at his weary face through my watery eyes. “You made it.”
He reaches for my face and kisses me. “I’m sorry,” he kisses me again, “I’m so sorry. I tried to call when we landed.”
“Poor cell service,” Sebastian says, with a look of exasperation and relief.
“It’s okay.” I laugh through the tears that are running down my cheeks.
“I love you,” Sam says, kissing me again.
“I love you too,” I cry with relief as the cloud of worry and sorrow vanishes.
“I thought I was going to miss it.”
“You almost did,” Dr. Fletcher says, giving him a tentative smile. “I just need Lucy to give me a couple of strong pushes.”
Sam quickly assesses me. “Are you okay? Are you in a lot of pain?”
“She got an epidural,” Sebastian answers. “But she’s been pushing for over an hour. She’s exhausted.”
“Okay, Lucy, it’s time to push again,” Meghan says from the other side of the bed.
“Make this one count,” Dr. Fletcher says.
“Okay.” I lift my head and push into the contraction that’s squeezing me—and the baby, I’m reminded.
“Hold her shoulders,” Sebastian says to Sam.
“Like this?” The feeling of Sam’s familiar hands on my back gives me a renewed energy, and I push harder.
“Good,” Dr. Fletcher encourages. “Keep pushing.”
“I’ll be right outside,” I hear Bas say through the pulsing in my ears.
“No,” I grit through my teeth.
“Lucy, focus,” Dr. Fletcher says.
“Keep pushing, baby,” Sam says softly, and I push harder.
“Good,” Dr. Fletcher says again. “Just like that.”
I exhale and fall back against the pillow. “I need a break,” I pant, feeling the pressure of the contraction leave me.
“Okay, but I want another push like that with the next contraction.”
I nod at Dr. Fletcher. “Okay.”
“You’re doing so good,” Sam says, pushing my hair off my face.
I look over at Sebastian, who’s standing near the door. “Hey,” I call to him, stretching my arm out.
He walks back over to me and takes my hand, and I give him a conflicted look. He smiles softly and says, “This is your time…for you and Sam.” He squeezes my hand. “I won’t be far.”
“Thank you,” I say, giving him a weak smile.
“Anytime.”
Sam puts his hand on Bas’s shoulder. “Thank you, Sebastian. For everything. I don’t know what we…what I would have done if you weren’t here.”
“My pleasure,” he says, giving me a sincere look. “Oh, and Sam?” he says, before leaving. “Congratulations on the win.”
“Thanks.” Sam smiles, but gives me a remorseful look.
“I’m so proud of you,” I say, squeezing his hand, but another contraction forces me to start pushing again. I lean forward and Sam puts his hands behind my shoulders again, pushing me forward. I squeeze every muscle in my body, groaning through my clenched teeth.