He pulls back like I slapped him. “You what?”
“I’ll forfeit my place and you’ll help me do it.”
His expression hardens. “No, I won’t.”
“Haven—”
He presses his mouth to mine and all of the words, all of the thoughts leave my head as if they were winged creatures never meant for cages.
My stomach rolls. I feel like I’m on a boat, like the waves are rising and I’m weightless and small and caught in a storm.
Haven’s hand lets go of my wrist and slides to my hip. His fingers steal beneath the hem of my shirt and find my skin. Up, up, he goes. His touch ignites the sensitive flesh at my ribs.
The hollow between my legs clenches.
“Haven,” I say, his name nearly a pant. “Please—”
“Keep begging,” he growls.
“Haven.”
His mouth drops to my throat. Can he feel the thumping at my pulse point? The rising hunger of my heart?
“Go on.” He nips at my ear.
“Haven, please.”
He grabs hold of the hem of my shirt and yanks it up and over my head. For a blinding second, I think I should yell at him for it, but then his mouth is on mine again, proving to me that I’m powerless beneath him.
His hands are at my back, pressing beneath my shoulder blades, running beneath the band of my bra. I can feel his arousal through the thin material of his pants.
I’m dizzy with wanting.
And Haven is ravenous with something that feels like it too.
His hands slide down to my ass and in an instant, and with very little effort, he hoists me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck. My hair spills forward putting a curtain between us and the world.
“Ana,” he says as he pushes me back against the wall and presses himself between my legs.
“Yeah?”
“You will not forfeit. Do you hear me?” He slips off one of my bra straps, then the other. My breasts heave at the cups as the bra loses its battle with gravity.
Haven grows harder and jabs into me.
“But…” I say when he puts his mouth to my throat and nips at the beating of my heart. “I don’t think I belong here. You’ve belonged here your whole life. I’ve belonged nowhere and to no one.”
His breath on my neck sends a shiver down my spine. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
His hand snakes to my back and undoes a bra clip.
“I don’t want you to lose,” I say.
The second clip pops open.
“Why?” he asks.
I can’t breathe as the answer comes to me suddenly. A realization that empties my lungs and churns my gut. “Because I don’t want to forget you.”
Because what if the magic holds this time? What if he’s wiped from my mind and I never see him again?
He stops and pulls away long enough to look me in the eyes. “Better you than me,” he says and then he pulls my bra away, exposing me to the heat of his gaze and the chill of the night.
He takes my nipple in his mouth and teases me with his tongue.
And.
I.
Am.
Undone.
I’ve never belonged anywhere, but in this moment there’s nowhere else I’d rather be other than in my own skin with Haven’s mouth on me, his desire obvious.
Could it be true that he feels the same sort of unbelonging that I do? In this, we’re the same?
Haven teases at my flesh again with his sharp teeth. I let out a low moan just as someone makes an annoyed growl from the doorway.
I open my eyes to see Nereus there looking annoyed and impatient.
With a yelp, I move to cover myself and Haven lets me go.
But I’m not so overcome with embarrassment that I don’t notice Haven using his body to shield me from his brother’s prying eyes.
“I need to speak with you,” Nereus says to Haven and then storms away.
I find my bra and shirt on the floor and quickly slip back into both. When I’m done, I turn around and find Haven staring at me, but his expression is unreadable.
Ten seconds ago, I’d have let him do whatever he wanted to me.
Ten seconds ago I was no better than any of the other descendants who practically worship at his feet.
And, I realize, I’d do it again.
“Why won’t you help me lose?” I ask.
Haven disappears into his attached dressing room. He comes back out a few minutes later dressed in the usual black gear.
He goes to the door and pulls it open, then waits for me to exit.
In the hallway, he has to go left and I right.
There are so many things I want to say to him. So many things that I know I shouldn’t say.
Why does he do this to me? Why does he drive me crazy?
I want to smack him and kiss him all at the same time.
I hate him and...no.
“I’ll not help you lose,” he says, “because when I win, Hearthtender, it will be because I was better.”
And then he turns and walks away.
Chapter 30
I receive notice of the second trial just hours after Haven and I parted.
I’m not ready for it, but at the same time, I want it to be over. Despite Haven’s urging, I might just purposefully lose. It’s not like he can stop me. And anyway…I am probably no match for him in the trial. I still haven’t figured out how to break out of his illusions and I’m no closer to controlling my magic than I was a week ago.
After a shower, I dress in a fresh set of black gear and plait my hair in what mortals call a fishtail braid. Here we call it a mermaid tail. And because I must really be going crazy, I take an extra half hour to do my makeup even though I’m about to fight for my life in a trial I know nothing about.
You’re dressing up for Haven, that voice in the back of my mind says.
Shut up, I tell the voice.
I’m dressing up for me.
Though I’m not very hungry, I still make the effort to get something in my stomach. Max told me that the second trial is usually much longer than the first and I don’t want to fail because I was too exhausted from a lack of carbs.
In the dining hall, our stark numbers are really starting to show.
I’m the last one to arrive. Haven’s at a banquet table with Pearce, Gregor, Hollom, and the last twin, Kal.
They look up when I enter and I see there’s a tray already waiting for me across from Haven.
I’d thought to grab some food on my own and sit by myself.
I go to the table, pull out the chair and sit.
Haven is slouched in his chair, one arm draped over the back. He’s not eating. It doesn’t look like he’s touched his food at all, which is in stark contrast to Pearce whose tray is nearly empty and whose eyes are already wandering to the others’ food like he might start foraging.
With concentrated effort, I break the bread on my tray into little pieces and drop them one by one into the bowl of stew. It’s venison by the smell of it and tomato based. Steam rises up to kiss my face.
I take a spoonful and feel Haven watching me.
“Hey, orphan,” Pearce says. “You packed your bags yet?”
The others snicker.
“You mean to prepare to move into Hades’s palace? No, not yet, but thank you for asking.”