More pacing. “You thought I wouldn’t understand that?”
“No. I knew I couldn’t handle that,” I said, my heart breaking all over again just from thinking the words. Let alone saying them. “I mean, I couldn’t handle saying goodbye to you. Leaving here was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Okay?”
“So you took the coward’s way out.”
“Surprise,” I yelled. “Hi, I’m Alex Parks. Nice to meet you. In case you haven’t noticed, I happen to be one of the biggest scaredy-cat, angst-ridden idiots of our age. Not the most noble title, but hella true just the same.”
Teeth gritted, he shook his head. “Fuck’s sake.”
I said nothing.
“If you’re so damn frightened of everything, then what are you doing here?” he asked.
Good question. Very good question. Not one I really wanted to answer.
He leaned down, getting in my face. “Well?”
“I couldn’t stay away, okay?” I cried. “You wouldn’t answer my emails, and I needed to see you.”
“Why?”
I looked to heaven. “Come on, Joe. Work with me here just a little. Why do you think?”
He held his hands out wide. “Little Miss Fucking Sunshine, I don’t have a clue. You leave me without a goddamn word and now suddenly months later you’re back and I’m supposed to just be cool with that?”
“So don’t be cool with it,” I said. “Be mad at me. Tell me to go back to Seattle, that you never want to see me again.”
“Alex—”
I pushed at his flat belly with both hands. Guess he hadn’t been expecting that, because he stumbled back a step. And if it worked so well once, then what the hell, let’s go for it again. I pushed him until his back hit the door and both of us were wearing our fiercest faces.
“Tell me I mean nothing to you, that I never did,” I said. “Go on. You were acting cold enough toward me before I left. It shouldn’t be a reach for you. Give me some fucking closure.”
He blinked, surprised or something, I don’t know. When I went to push him again, however, he grabbed my wrists, holding on tight. “Stop it.”
“Tell me I’m a shit friend and you don’t want me as a lover anyway. Do it.”
“That’s enough.”
“Break my heart one more time, Joe Collins. Come on,” I jeered. “I’m good for it.”
His mouth firmed. “What the hell are you talking about? How did I break your heart?”
“By not being ready. By shutting down completely just as I was opening up to you,” I said, throat tight with emotion. “Making me think I meant nothing to you by acting like an absolute asshole after the accident. Necessary or not, you fucking broke me, Joe.”
He just stared at me.
“And the worst of it, it’s not even all your fault,” I said, tears welling in the corners of my eyes. “It’s mine. First for coming out here and getting involved with you. For wanting to fix everything and not being able to. For taking on so much after the accident that I felt like I was coming apart and the only thing I could do was run.”
Brows drawn tight, he cupped my cheeks in his big hands. “You’re right, I should have had your back with Star. I’m sorry, Alex. Christ, I’m sorry for everything. I acted like a heartless bastard because I couldn’t cope with us right then. I should have just … shit. I should have waited, kept you close. Not make you think what we had was nothing. I’m sorry, Little Miss, I was a fucking idiot. Can you forgive me?”
“You’re sorry?” I’d been so ready to kiss his ass I couldn’t quite believe it. “Really?”
He nodded. “Worst thing I ever did, pushing you away.”
And the whole gazing into each other’s eyes was getting to be too much again. I couldn’t take it. Gah, talk about an overload of emotion. I closed my eyelids tight, breathing in deep. Just when I thought maybe I’d gotten a handle on myself, Joe’s lips brushed against mine and I lost it all over again.
God, he could kiss.
Mouths searching, tongues gliding against one another, and his hands … holy hell, his hands. They went from gently holding my face to fingers stroking down the sides of my dress. Next thing I knew they were under my skirt, sliding into the back of my black lace underwear.
With an ass cheek in each hand, he groaned long and loud. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“You did?” I panted.
“Yeah. Don’t disappear on me again.”
“’kay.”
“Promise me,” he demanded, a hand moving up to collar my throat, fingers and thumb pressing in just a little.
“I promise.”
In one not even remotely smooth move, he spun us around, reversing our places. My spine hit the door and his teeth sunk into my neck. Punishing me in the best way possible. Hands tore my panties down my legs, hesitating only when he got to the stiletto heels.
He looked up at me, a smirk on his face. “More stripper heels?”
“Joe, they’re designer,” I said, wiping away a tear, stepping out of my fancy underwear. “Have some respect.”
“Sure thing. Just give me a minute.”
“Huh?”
Thick fingers slid between my legs and the man disappeared beneath my skirt. Oh shit. I was a goner. Hot mouth, wet tongue, and a determined man of many talents. Don’t even get me started on the feeling of his beard, brushing against such sensitive skin. I was a blissful mess there in no time. More than ready for him, needing him immediately.
“Joe.” Holding up my skirt, I stroked his hair. “Come on.”
“What?” he asked, flicking his tongue up and down along my slit. So damn good. If it weren’t for his hands and the help of the door, I’d be on the ground. Honestly, my knees were barely up to the task of keeping me upright in the face of such overwhelming pleasure.
“Sex. Now.” I pulled on his hair some more.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood, before getting busy undoing his zipper. Out of his wallet came a condom and onto his impressively hard cock. “Right now?”
I nodded, twining my arms around his neck.
“You sure?”
“Don’t make me hurt you,” I said in a warning tone.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Strong hands lifted me and I wrapped my legs around him good and tight. Heaven help me, given half a chance, I’d never let him go. Once my skirt was out of the way, we were good to go. He directed the head of his cock to my opening, both of us moaning at the exquisite sensation. He was hard and I was soft. We both wanted it bad. Slowly he lowered me onto him, the heavy length of him filling my insides just so.
Mouth open, I gasped, everything low in me tightening. This was what I’d needed since the moment I’d left. Him. There’d been no dates or distractions, I hadn’t even tried. Joe Collins had my heart whether he wanted it or not. With his big cock moving deep into my delicate insides, lighting up every inch of me, we might as well just cancel Christmas. Nothing else could be this perfect, bright, and special.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Oh yeah.” I smiled, my mouth trembling just a little.