I stare out at the lake, wishing I could dunk my entire body into the water until I can’t feel anything anymore.
“He was so worried about you,” Jackson says, slurping from his mug. “We all were.”
“Maybe if you’d told me what was going on, things would’ve turned out differently that night.”
“Truth.” He leans back, sliding his arm along the seat behind me. “But you’d run off to Jane’s, and that asshole Atticus brought his plan forward. There wasn’t any way of warning you.”
I turn sideways to look at him. “You don’t like him either, huh?”
“He’s a twisted old fuck, and he basically checked out for years, leaving Kai and Rick to run things when they were only kids themselves.”
“If that’s the case, why does he have such a strong hold over them?”
Jackson shrugs. “I used to joke it was like Stockholm Syndrome, and now I’m not so sure I wasn’t right.”
“He’s their only surviving parent,” Sawyer says, startling both of us as he steps out onto the deck. “And even if he’s a shitty one, he’s all they have.” He walks toward us, taking the space on the other side of me. I open up the blanket, and he tucks it up under his chin, smiling at me.
“They want to please him,” I surmise.
Sawyer nods. “And they were kind of brainwashed into believing all Mannings were the scourge of the Earth.”
“Gee, thanks.” I roll my eyes.
“Apart from you, it’s not far off the mark,” Jackson says.
“Drew isn’t like that,” I quietly say, feeling the need to defend my brother, even if I’m torn over his loyalty. Jackson and Sawyer exchange a loaded look, and I glare at them. “No more fucking secrets. If you’ve something to say, just say it.”
“Drew’s…acting a little strange,” Sawyer says. “And no one knows what the fuck he’s up to.”
“You’ve spoken to him?” Because the last I remember the old elite and new elite weren’t on speaking terms.
“Not directly, but we have people watching stuff for us back in Rydeville,” he confirms.
“Word on the street is your twin is your father’s newest bitch,” Jackson adds with a bite to his tone, his knee tapping up and down.
“If that’s the case then he’s playing some angle.”
“You really believe that or you’re trying to convince yourself,” Sawyer asks.
“My whole life Drew has been there for me. I don’t understand what he’s up to now, and I’m still pissed at him for not protecting me in the office that day, and for keeping shit from me, but I’ve had time to think about it, and I think it’s part of some bigger plan.”
“For your sake, I hope that’s true,” Jackson says.
“Stop.” I clamp my hand down on his knee. “Why are you so jittery? You were like that last night too.”
“Because going cold turkey sucks.”
Shock splays across my face. “You’re giving up your stoner ways?”
“Don’t get too excited,” he says. “It’s only temporary until Harley and Joaquin go back to school.”
“Ah, I get it. Kai and Rick don’t want you setting a bad example.” He nods. “Wow. They really are protective of them.”
“You’ve no idea,” Sawyer says. “They would take a bullet for their brothers, and they’ve done everything to keep them shielded from this world.”
“But it’s more than that,” Jackson says.
“Lauder.” Sawyer silences him with a warning tone.
“What else don’t I know?”
“Tons, beautiful. There’s tons of stuff you don’t know.”
Sawyer rolls his eyes. “I think I preferred you when you were a non-interfering stoner.”
“Can’t say I enjoy having a clear head, but it’s brought some perspective,” Jackson admits.
“Like what?” Kai drawls, emerging on the deck in a black puffy jacket similar to the one Jackson’s got on. His long legs are encased in dark jeans and he’s wearing scuffed black boots on his feet.
Jackson glances over his shoulder. “Like Abby shouldn’t be kept in the dark any longer. She deserves to know the full truth.”
“Says you and whose army?” he asks, standing in front of us with his usual disapproving scowl.
“Look at what all the secrets and lies have done to our families,” I say. “Do we want to continue that tradition?”
Kai props his butt against the railing, a muscle tensing in his jaw as he eyes me huddled in between his two best friends. “No, but what Lauder fails to understand is that sharing certain truths places you in grave danger, and I will not do that.”
“You’d rather keep lying to me.” My mouth pulls tight.
“I will tell you when it is safe to do so.”
“That’s fucking bullshit! Keeping me in the dark puts me in more danger because I can’t see the trap until I’ve fallen in. At least if I knew what to look out for, I could avoid it!”
“I’ll tell you what you need to know, and the rest of the time I’ll be the one watching your back. I’ll ensure you don’t fall into any traps.”
I snort, tossing the blanket off and rising. “Don’t do me any favors, Cam!” I snap, and he flinches. “What?”
“You called him Cam,” Jackson says.
“Because it’s all I knew for months.” I rein my anger in, curiosity getting the better of me. “How did your cousin die, anyway?” I ask, softening my tone. “All your father said was he’d died when he was two. What happened?”
“He had a rare heart defect,” he says. “My aunt put him to bed one night, and the next morning, she found him dead in his crib. They’ve never recovered from it, and they were too afraid to risk having any more kids.”
“I’m sorry. That’s so sad.”
“Taking his identity never felt right to me.” He comes closer, and his chest brushes against mine. “And it never felt right hiding who I was with you, either. But there were good reasons for it. I know you’re pissed. But I meant what I said to you that night, Abby. You mean everything.” He palms my face, peering deep into my eyes. “And I won’t apologize for doing what I believe is right to protect you and our unborn child. You just need to trust me.”
I remove his hands from my face and take a step back. “How can I after everything you’ve hidden from me? And now you stand here, blatantly confirming you’re continuing to conceal things and you expect me to just trust you?” I shake my head. “Trust must be earned, Kaiden, and all you’ve done is earn my wrath.” I walk toward the sliding doors, turning at the last second. “And I don’t know if there is any way to return from that.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Please let me call him.” I send doe eyes at Sawyer. “I know you have a way of communicating that’s safe. Xavier will go crazy because he hasn’t heard from me.”
Kai walks into the living room with a box in his hand.