Mads had fallen into the sofa and looked ready to sleep right there. If I thought there was another way or another time, I could leave this until, I would have. But his fight was in a day. There was no time.
“I don’t want you to go to London.” Blurting it out seemed to be the best plan, given how drunk he was.
“You don’t have a say.” He answered me with his eyes shut, and his words slurred together. “My life. You didn’t want to stay, so you don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“Funny.” His comment made me chuckle. “Because I’m pretty sure one of the reasons we split up was because you didn’t listen to me even when we were together.”
He remained still on the sofa, his eyes still closed.
“Maddison!”
“Shut up, Grace. Go home.”
“No. I will not let you do this to yourself. I don’t want you to go, and I don’t want you to fight. Can’t you see that? There are other ways for you to be the best. I know you, just, don’t go.” I perched on the edge of the sofa, our eyes now staring at each other’s, although Maddison’s showed a vacant, glazed look, giving away just how drunk he was.
“My business. My goals. All for us. And you ruined it.”
“This isn’t all on me.” I ground my jaw, hurt at his view on our relationship, but I guessed there were always two sides to every story.
His eyes began to droop. “You told me you loved me, but you still left. Or maybe you just never loved me enough. Figures. I’ve played second place to Oliver for so many things in my life. I could just add you to that list as well.”
“No. Don’t say that. I loved you so much, that’s what the problem was.” I reached for his hand, desperate for him to hear the words that were still so true, and stop him from passing out. But he snatched them from my grip and stood, suddenly awake and now pacing the few metres of the room.
“Oliver was always cleverer than me. I let my temper get the better of me while he got away with whatever he wanted. But I ruled the school and could have had anything I wanted.” He wind-milled his arms in wide arcs. “But I had to be better than him. That’s what I set myself. I wanted to show both of you. And I did—I have, but you still weren’t happy.” He scrubbed his hands through his messed-up hair.
His words faded, and so did his purposeful steps. He stood, towering over me. “You broke us. And now you want me to give up the opportunity I’ve been working for?” He leaned down towards me. “Never. Now leave.”
“No. You need to know why.”
“Why what?” he scoffed as he turned around and stumbled towards the shelf to the side of him.
“Why I’m begging you not to go to London.”
“I’m listening.” He stretched his arms out to the side in an invitation, mocking my attempts to change his mind.
The story from my mother about my father wasn’t one I planned to share in detail, but I’d promised myself that I’d do anything in my power to stop Maddison. He already knew there was a history there. Maybe he needed to know just how close he was following in his footsteps. “My father was just like you.”
I looked up at him, hoping to capture his attention, and it appeared to work. He relaxed his stance and kept his mouth shut, so I took my advantage and told the tale that was suddenly so close to home.
“He didn’t start off that way, but he got involved in more fights, gambling, dirty work of some kind. That’s why my mother moved us here. To escape, because his work spilt over into our lives, and we were both in danger. He couldn’t get out, and I can’t stand the thought of that happening to you, or worse, you getting hurt badly, all for some money to fight a guy in a ring.” I kept my head up and my back straight, refusing to show the emotion that those words had dragged up from somewhere deep inside of me. And I suddenly couldn’t see anything other than Maddison as a shadow of my father. “Just think about it, Mads. Please.”
There was a stillness in the room. Neither of us wanted to shatter the peace, although I knew it was coming. My fingers moved to rub the small cat at my wrist—a habit I often acted on for courage.
“What is his name?”
“Mike Kenner. It doesn’t matter though. He lost everything because he got in too deep.”
“Boo-hoo,” he shouted. “So, your father started like me, doesn’t mean anything. You've mentioned him once and used him as the reason to leave me, and now he’s this example of what will happen if I don’t listen to you? This doesn’t change anything. Plenty of people fight or box. It’s not a crime. So, do yourself a favour and get out of my fucking house, and don’t come back. We’re done.”
I stood before him as my body quivered at his words. He’d crushed any chance that I could do this—there was too much hate. I used that to fuel the strength I needed to walk out without collapsing into tears. But I didn’t make it to the door.
“Who are you? You used to make me believe I could do anything. I don’t even recognise you.” My words choked in my throat. Mads showed no sign that he’d even heard them. I cast my glance back, but he stood, swaying on the spot, with a blank expression that was haunting. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I fled the house and dove into the relative safety of the car.
I’d warned Leo he wouldn’t listen, but there was a small part of me that had hoped he’d hear me at least. All that hope had just died, and I was left with no other choice, but to pray that Maddison could look after himself.
Chapter 28
Grace 21 Years Old
Sleep was my silent enemy for the rest of the night. Every time I closed my eyes and began to drift off, my mind played a repeat of some of the more hurtful words that Maddison had chucked at me, or I had visions of Maddison all bloodied and broken.
Bob—my usual constant companion—even gave up on my restlessness and decided to make his bed on the chair instead. By dawn, I was wide awake, and no amount of convincing my body I needed the sleep could undo the situation.
Coffee. The first solution my mind could reach for right then.
I sat and nursed my warm mug and looked out the back window into the garden. The light seemed so pure this early like the possibilities of the day were still being decided.
Memories ghosted over my field of vision, of me playing outside when I was young, but I was rarely alone. Maddison and Oliver were always by my side. Shadows that ensured I was never on my own and had a friend by my side. My world was so full back then, and I had everything I could possibly need. But then, somewhere, somehow, it had grown narrow and complicated and small.
“Hey, you’re up early.”
My grip on the mug of now cold coffee slipped and dropped to the ground, shattering the quiet and the rest of my nerves.
“Oh, crap,” I jumped back from the spill of liquid and ceramic.
“Sorry I startled you, honey,” Mum said from behind me.
“It’s fine. I was miles away.” I stepped away from the mess and grabbed a paper towel.
“Yeah, I saw that. Anything on your mind?”
There was plenty on my mind. “Just memories. Thinking about how things were.”