‘Wh-what?’ Holly looked as though she’d been slapped. All of the colour drained from her face, until a horrible red blush started to spread up her neck and into her cheeks as what Charlie had said began to sink in. ‘What do you mean? You asked the question at PMQs. How can you say that’s it?’
‘Holly…’ he swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat refused to budge. ‘I got carpeted by the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care this afternoon. I thought she wanted to see me to discuss getting the case going again. She didn’t. She told me to take a step back. Let the committee do its job. Stop poking my nose into things I didn’t understand.’
‘And you listened to her?’ Holly’s voice, formerly a whisper, rose suddenly. ‘She told you to back off and so that’s it? You’re dumping Harry and the rest of the CF patients just like that?’
‘There was nothing else I could do,’ Charlie said wearily. ‘If I don’t agree to back off, she’ll see to it that I never get anywhere near the Department of Health. All doors will be closed. I’ll be stuck on the back benches for the rest of this Parliament and probably the one after that, if I’m fortunate enough to get re-elected. Powerless to do anything, for anyone.’
‘No,’ Holly replied. ‘You told me that you were the one who could make a difference. That I could pick up all the carrier bags in the world and nothing would change. That you had the opportunity to make changes because of where you were, your job. Now you’re telling me that’s not true.’ She began to cry, and Charlie ached to reach out to her, to comfort her, but he felt absolutely paralysed by indecision.
‘Holly, believe me, if there was some other way, I would take it, but there isn’t. I need to step away from this. And, perhaps, so do you.’
‘How can I?’ Holly raised her voice another notch. ‘Harry is part of my life, Charlie. He’s just a baby; he can’t do it for himself. If people like us don’t speak up for him, try to get him the drugs he needs just to live a normal life, what hope does he have? I thought you understood that. I thought you agreed with me.’
‘I do,’ Charlie could see the anguish on her face, and he desperately wanted to hold her and make it all go away, but he couldn’t. How could he? ‘Believe me, Holly, if there was another way of doing this, I’d do it. But I’ve been warned; make a fuss about this and everything else I need to do will be ignored. I’ll have no career.’
‘That’s it, isn’t it?’ Suddenly, the penny dropped. Charlie could see it in Holly’s eyes as they flashed in anger. ‘She’s told you that you won’t have a ministerial career on her patch if you push this, hasn’t she?’
‘Not in so many words,’ Charlie hedged. ‘But she does wield a lot of influence. I have to play things carefully if I’m to make any progress.’
‘This is not a game, Charlie!’ Holly stood up and started pacing her lounge, wiping abortively at her eyes to rid them of tears as the anger took over. ‘This is people’s lives. Harry’s life.’ She stopped pacing and turned back towards him. ‘Would you ever be able to forgive yourself if Harry becomes just another CF death statistic because this medication was held up and you could have done something about it? Made things happen for him?’
‘I don’t have that kind of power,’ Charlie retorted. ‘And if I keep pushing this now, I never will. Can’t you see? It’s the wrong time.’
‘Try telling that to Harry, and to Rachel, and to all of the people who are relying on their government to make this happen.’ Holly was suddenly very still.
‘I’m sorry,’ Charlie said quietly. ‘I promised you I’d help, and now I have to go back on that promise. It’s not good enough, I know.’
‘You’re just like every other politician,’ Holly said, her voice now deceptively calm. ‘On our side so long as it’s convenient. So long as you can gain some kind of capital out of it. And as soon as the going gets a little bit tough, you renege on your promises and leave us all out in the cold.’ She went to the door of her lounge and opened it. ‘At least I know where I stand, now.’
‘That’s not true!’ Charlie heard the frantic note in his own voice and hated himself almost as much for it as he did the decision to take Cora Mellish’s advice. ‘It wasn’t as simple as that, I promise you. The NHS is not a bottomless pit of resources; decisions have to be made. The money for that drug could fund so many chemotherapy treatments for women with breast cancer; each course of treatment could fund five trainee nurses for a year. We can’t ignore the finances here.’
‘Don’t bullshit me with that pseudo-political bollocks, Charlie!’ Holly’s voice was rising. ‘It might wash with your so-called colleagues, but it doesn’t work with me. You know Harry; you know the difference this could make to his life. And yet you still choose to do nothing. Well, I hope you’re happy once you get to a plum job in the Department of Health.’
Charlie took a step back, as if she’d slapped him. ‘Do you think I’d sell Harry out just for a job?’ he said. ‘Is that really what you think of me?’
‘I thought you had principles,’ Holly said. ‘I thought, when you came to Willowbury, that you wanted to stand up for the people who live here. Harry might not be old enough to vote, but Rachel and I are. Why weren’t you standing up for us?’
‘Holly,’ his voice was quiet. ‘The maternity unit at the local hospital is under threat of closure. Can you imagine the pressure that’s going to put on St Michael’s in Bristol? On Musgrove Park in Taunton? In the grand scheme of things, we have to make choices. I have to choose to step away from this now, because I might be able to do something later, when I’m in a better position to help. It’s not personal.’
‘How can you say it’s not personal?’ Holly didn’t care that she was shouting again now. ‘After all the time you’ve spent with me and my family. All the time we’ve spent…’
And at that moment, Charlie knew she felt that he’d utterly betrayed her. He could still feel the way his knees went weak when he kissed her; the silk of her hair as he ran his fingers through it. It was all for nothing now; he’d done the unforgivable.
Charlie’s face, stricken in the harsh light of Holly’s halogen kitchen bulb, pleaded with her to understand, but how could she? After everything they’d been through, this was the situation he’d feared the most. He’d chosen his politics over his heart. He could dress it up to her any way he liked, but that, it seemed, was the bottom line. There was nothing more to say.
‘I’m sorry, Holly,’ he said one last time.
‘Goodbye, Charlie,’ Holly replied. He’d expected her to drop her gaze, but she looked him straight in the eye as she said it. He could feel his heart breaking.
As he walked out of the living room, down the stairs and out of her life, Charlie had never been more shattered.
40
‘Right, sis, we’re on our own again.’ After a night of staring at the ceiling in her bedroom, forcing herself not to think about the fact that Charlie was probably doing the same a couple of streets away, Holly got back to business.