I sigh, resigned to the fact that this might not turn out to be the easy, fun and romantic night I was hoping for. I can’t wait to become a fully fledged sister or be out of the sorority all together, because I’m starting to get tired of the constant tests. During the week we were called twice to the Zeta house. Once to help the sisters with some cleaning: basically the ten pledges had to clean the house top to bottom while waiting hand and foot on the sisters who were barking orders and drinking cocktails the whole time.
Another day, we received a text at the crack of dawn and were asked to cook a pancake breakfast for the whole house.
Basically being a pledge means being at the beck and call of the rest of the sisters and the smallest real or perceived infraction could result in being kicked out.
It feels like I’ve been a pledge forever I can’t fucking wait for this ridiculousness to be over, initiation will be a welcomed relief. I’ll have to survive five more weeks of hell. I’m relieved that as a freshman, I’m not entitled to a room in the Zeta house. I don’t mind the girls but it’s really nice to have my own space. I definitely don’t blame Chase and the others for deciding not to live at the Gamma house full time. I actually wonder what made Reid decide to live there this year, especially because out of all the guys, he’s definitely the most reserved.
And talking about the devil, I see my stepbrother emerge from the thicket of trees that separate the beach from the parking lot with a rolled sleeping bag under his arm and carrying a big cooler.
But the thing that makes me almost double take is the sight of Valeria literally dangling from his arm.
It looks like they came here together. Like, together. Like a date.
I look for Chase and find him standing a few feet away between Oliver and Hoyt and meet his gaze. He looks as dumbfounded as I am and responds to the silent question in my eyes with a slight shrug of his shoulders.
So he doesn’t know anything.
I mean, Reid is obviously free to hang out with or date whoever he wants but I was hoping ...
I don’t know what the fuck I was hoping since my birthday. After the guys said that they wouldn’t be opposed to Reid being part of our ... God, what the fuck do I call what we have? Deal? Group? I guess relationship is the best way to define it.
But yeah, after the guys said that Reid has always been a part of their brotherhood and they kept saying that he cared about me, I let myself hope.
Because Reid is a part of me as much as the other three are.
I have to stop staring at him and Valeria but my eyes keep drifting off to them every few seconds as if they were trying to re-examine what they see. Probably in the hope that what they’re seeing is wrong.
And then I meet Reid’s gaze for a long, intense, confusing second.
I’m not sure if what I see in his ice blue eyes is Reid’s real emotions or the projection of what I want to see there. He’s always had the power to make me feel exposed with just one look, as if his eyes stripped me bare of all my walls and could see deep into my very soul.
And that first summer, three years ago, I thought that I could see into his heart too. And I loved what I saw. While Chase was all exuberance and action, unbridled, wild fun, Reid was calmer on the surface. But that wasn’t all there was to him. His quieter and more reserved exterior hid unsuspected depths. An ability to analyze things and strip them bare to their very core. A passion and a softness that he kept well guarded but that he had started to share with me until it was all over and the twins had begun to ignore me.
So I don’t know if it’s really regret that I see in his eyes, if it’s a flicker of warmth that lingers in there when he holds my gaze for one second too long or if I’m just seeing what I want to see. I stopped being able to read Reid a long time ago.
Valeria leaves Reid’s side to look for a spot for their sleeping bags and comes to stand in front of me and Erin. She has a satisfied smirk on her face and for a second I think she knows. She knows and she’s fucking mocking me. But then the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and I get distracted. I feel the heat of another gaze right behind me. I don’t need to turn to find out who that belongs to because Oliver’s voice reaches us one second later.
“Well, well. If that isn’t my sis who got herself a hot date to the bonfire.” His tone is hard to read. There’s wonder in it but it’s laced with a certain amount of amusement so I think Oliver is actually mocking his stepsister. But there’s also a hard edge to his words. He sounds angry as if he disapproved of Valeria’s choice of date.
Well my friend, I think, we’re in complete agreement here, I think.
I know I really have no fucking right, but I feel the familiar sting of jealousy pricking at me when I look at Valeria’s smug expression.
The Zeta president’s gaze lands on me and a bright smile replaces the triumphant expression she’d greeted Oliver with.
“Hey, Kaya! Nice to see you. Welcome to Dare Night!”
Uh? What is she talking about? I look at Erin hoping for some clarity. This is one of the things I hate the most about this whole pledge deal: no one fucking tells us anything. Everything is a mystery and every event turns into a test and possibly a way for the sisters to have fun at our expense or to get us to do the dirty work they don’t want to do.
And what happens next confirms my last thought.
“Yup. During the course of tonight all pledges will be subject to any number of dares. The dares can come from any Zeta sister or Gamma brother and the pledge has to complete every dare to a satisfactory level, penalty is the immediate exclusion from the ranks of pledges. Any kind of dare is allowed unless it constitutes hazing or is illegal.”
Fuck. My. Life.
I don’t know how my mom can think this shit is fun. Maybe once this pledge phase is over but these days I’m not enjoying it at all.
“This is your first dare, Kaya: go help the people who are lighting the BBQs for dinner.” I almost thank her. This isn’t a bad task. “And you’re to keep an eye on Erin’s calorie consumption for the night. She’s only allowed light drinks, salad and one bun-less chicken burger. If I see her eat even one s’more, you’ve failed.”
This last part makes me flinch but Valeria shakes her blonde head. “Before you tell me that Erin is pretty the way she is, our sister asked my assistance in losing weight and I’m simply lending a helping hand. Right, Er?”
Erin nods and I walk away shaking my head at the cattiness in the Zeta president’s tone.
I noticed that Valeria’s behavior changes completely when she’s around her parents. Last weekend at my birthday party she was all sweet smiles and politeness, the cruel streak I’ve seen in her whenever she’s around her sisters was nowhere to be seen. It’s a shame, I think. I could be friends with that version of her but I’ve no interest in getting close to the Zeta president.
I work with the other pledges preparing the food for dinner and serving all the Zetas and Gammas who observe us from the bonfire with their drinks in hand.
When I finally get a plate for myself, I find that Bryce and Parker saved me a seat by the fire and I lower myself between them enjoying the food and their closeness.
I’m full and warm and I rest my head on Bryce’s shoulder, closing my eyes and snuggling further into him when he wraps his arm around me.