“That’ll make a man rethink his current state of affairs,” she said.
“He didn’t have to do what he did,” he said. “He sent us away, cut us out of his life, and made it obvious that we didn’t count.”
“That’s where some of your bitterness and sense of needing to achieve becoming someone is stemming from,” she said, with a nod of her head.
He shrugged. “It’s every man’s dream to grow up and to become a better man than their father. In my case, I didn’t have to grow up and try very hard for that. My father wasn’t much of a father.”
“You’re blessed to have a sister you love and who loves you.”
At that, he smiled. “Yeah, somehow she turned out to be a beautiful person.”
“She does appear to have a good heart,” the doc said.
“Yes, and, even though I keep closing doors in her face, and I’m much less of a brother for her than I should be, she keeps sticking by me,” he said, and he could hear the note of curiosity in his voice, almost his disbelief as to why she bothered trying.
“Just because your father didn’t seem to want you,” she said, “it doesn’t mean the rest of the world doesn’t want you.”
“Usually it does,” he said. “Too often, people are all about following the same patterns.”
“Isn’t it more or less the patterns that you set, as you send out that energy of awareness that says, ‘Hey, I’m good enough,’ or ‘I don’t like people. Stay away.’ Am I right?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “When I was in active service, I was busy all the time. I had friends. I had a purpose in life. Since the injury, well …” He turned to look out the window because, since the accident, his only purpose was to get back on his feet. He needed to think further than that now.
For the first time he held out just that little bit of hope that maybe he would get back on his feet. And then what? If that goal was definitely achievable, then he needed to have a goal beyond it. No point in having a goal to get back on his feet if he didn’t know how he would live and survive past it.
“What about skills to take into the workforce?”
“Not sure I have too many,” he said. “Granted, I have all kinds of skills, but they’re not exactly the kind that transfer easily to the private sector.”
“Security?”
He shrugged. “That’s possible.”
“Anything else?”
“I was really good at cybersecurity,” he said. “Now, in a perfect world, I’d have a job helping banks work on their cybersecurity.”
“Why just banks?” she asked. “In this day and age, anybody who’s got a heads-up on keeping corporate clients safe could have a full-time job with a business of their own.”
He looked interested for a moment and then shrugged. “It takes capital to start up something like that. I don’t have any background in business, and it’s not like I’ll have any investors give me a year’s wages so I can go do that. Beyond that, I don’t have any idea who I would even begin to contact for prospective clients, much less convince them that I could do anything to help them out.”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure there was a movie about that many years back. Some thief broke into a bank, just to prove to them that they needed his skills to stop people like him.”
“Well, that would be a good way to get me thrown in jail,” he said. “So it’s not exactly an optimum way to function or to break into the business.”
“No,” she said, “obviously it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll see. Right now, I just have to look after me.”
“Oh, I agree,” she said. With that, she looked at her watch and said, “Now that wasn’t too painful, was it?”
He looked up at the clock behind her head. “Is our session over?”
“Almost,” she said. “How are you sleeping these days?”
“I’m sleeping okay. I just wake up early every morning.”
“I love early mornings,” she said. “It makes my day a lot nicer if I get a few minutes to myself before the world wakes up.”
He thought about that and nodded. “Yes, I can agree with that.”
After scheduling his next session, he wheeled his way out her office and down to his room.
He thought about his time with the doctor. Something seemed better about the talk with her today. It didn’t feel like prying; it wasn’t getting under his skin, and it actually seemed helpful. Maybe because she was on his side, and he was looking to justify his position about not contacting his father. It was hard to know what the right answer was, but what he didn’t want to do was get pinned into feeling like he had to. He didn’t want to feel guilty about everything in life, and too often that was how these relationships made him feel.
As he sat on his bed, waiting for lunch to meet Ilse, his sister called. “Hey, sis. How you doing?”
“I’m okay,” she said, “but I was calling to check on you.”
“I’m doing okay,” he said.
“Did you hear from Dad?” Her tone was abrupt, almost hard.
“Yeah, I did,” he said. “Why?”
“Because he’s hassling me because you didn’t answer him.”
“Ignore him,” he said. “I’ll answer him if and when I feel like it. In the meantime, I don’t feel like it.”
She gave a broken laugh. “That’s you all the time.”
“You need to get out of the middle of this,” he said gently. “There’s no need for it.”
“I know,” she replied, “but I don’t know how to avoid it.”
“Tell him to talk to me directly and to stop putting you in the middle,” he said. “We aren’t children anymore, and we’ll do what we want.”
“I hear you,” she said. “Maybe that’s the best answer, after all.”
“It is.”
“I’m going into town later today. Is there anything you need?”
“Oh,” he said, “I hadn’t thought about it. This place really does take care of most everything.”
“I know,” she said, “but I could get you a book or some magazines or whatever you want.”
“I think I’m okay,” he said. “I’ll think about it though. Maybe I’ll be ready for you next time.”
“Good enough,” she said.
After he hung up, he laid back down again and wondered if he wanted anything from town. He wondered why she was going and then realized it was probably all about Iain. He quickly sent her a text. Feel free to bring Iain back. I’d love to meet him.
A happy face emoji was the response he got. Then she texted him back. Someday.
He wasn’t sure why not today, but everybody seemed to have plans of their own. Unfortunately, even when he made plans, they didn’t always work out, as, by the time he recovered from his morning physio, lunch was over.
Chapter 10