The slow blink from Darla filled me with a weird combination of sadness and residual arousal, which was a miserable combination.
“How's Davey?” I asked, knowing the answer. Jane was Davey's wife.
“He's fine. He'll be thrilled to learn you're in town.”
Darla blinked. “Right. I'm sure he will.”
“Can't wait to see him,” I muttered.
“What're you doing here at five a.m.?” Darla asked her.
“Only time I can grocery shop without the kids hanging off me. Davey works odd shifts, so I do what I can when I can.” She squeezed Darla's hand. “Just tell me when you're having a baby shower for Cathy and I'll be there.”
Bzzz.
Jane's phone went off. She looked at it and winced. “Eek. Lucas just puked. Davey says he don’t know if it’s a swallowed LEGO or if it’s something contagious, but Davey’s uniform needs cleaned now. Better get what I can fast and get home. Poor Davey.”
A last-minute hug and she was gone.
“Mama got a new foot,” Darla whispered to herself. “And didn't tell me.”
“I'm sure she was planning to. The baby took the spotlight.”
“Too much is changing, Trevor. Way too much. Too fast. This is all hard.”
“I know.” I held her again and wished Joe were here.
He would know how to use his Resting Asshole Face to keep people away so we could shop.
“Jane knows my mama better'n I do.”
“No, she doesn't.”
“She sure does!”
“Only this one thing.”
“What else is there I don't know?”
“This is all normal.” I caressed her face, a strand of her blonde hair wrapped around my shoulder. “You're going through so much.”
“I can't live two lives at the same time.”
“No one can.”
“It sucks. If I move back here, I lose out on our life. If I stay in Boston, I lose out here.”
“It doesn't have to be that black and white. There's plenty of room for grey in there.”
“Then why does it feel so black and white?”
“Because intense emotions do that to us. Just breathe. Give it time. It won't always feel like this. The pain of discomfort will fade.”
“When did you get so wise, Trevor?”
“When I'm trying very, very hard to chill out an erection that's never going anywhere.”
That made her laugh.
It also made her hand move between us and play three seconds of pocket pool.
“Oh, my. Shame to let this go to waste.”
“You keep doing that and I'll bang you in the gun aisle.”
“You would have the best shooter, hands down.”
“My hands would be down, all right. Flat on the floor as I thrust into you.”
“What the hell, Trevor? You pick now of all times to talk dirty to me?”
“Is there ever a bad time to talk dirty to you, Darla?”
She had to think about it for a moment.
“No.”
“Then let's finish shopping, get out of here, get back to the house and let me screw you senseless.”
“If I'm senseless, I can't feel it.”
“Quit overthinking everything.”
She stroked me, one delicious touch that made me stark raving mad.
“Okay.”
Rushing to the baby aisle with a pulsing flesh cricket bat in my pants wasn't easy, but I did it.
“You read off Cathy's list and I'll be the finder,” I ordered, which made her smile.
“Okay. Carseat.”
“Which one?”
“Whatever's cheapest.”
“That's not how you pick out a carseat.”
“If I bring anything more expensive, Mama will yell at me.”
“But the cheapest isn't always the best.”
She gave me a look.
“How about this,” I argued back, wondering why the hell I was delaying this shopping trip when we had better things to do.
Like have a quickie in the car in the parking lot.
“Yeah?”
“It's a gift. From me.” I grabbed the one with the label from when I was a kid.
“That's the most expensive one in the whole store!”
“She can't argue if it's a gift.”
“You're killing me, Trevor. From dirty talker who wants to bang me in the gun aisle to lavishing my mama and baby brother with gifts. You're the kind of guy a woman should marry.”
My cricket bat telescoped.
For the next ten minutes, we threw bottles and cans of formula, baby blankets and little sleeper outfits into the cart, adding a breastfeeding pillow. I was debating over baby thermometers when Darla disappeared and came back minutes later, throwing a giant box of some feminine hygiene product in, saying nothing.
“Ready?” I asked her as my phone buzzed. I looked.
Joe.
Are you getting the baby stuff? Tell Darla I'll cover it.
I showed her the text.
“He has a trust fund,” I said before she could argue. “Let him do this.”
“Mama is gonna shit a brick. There's something close to five hundred bucks in here!”
“That's nothing when it comes to baby stuff.”
“It ain't nothing here. Most people make due with hand me downs.”
I kissed the tip of her nose. “Then when little Cal outgrows this stuff, Cathy can give it away to someone who needs it.”
Worry cast a shadow across her face. I wanted to make it go away.
“What's wrong?”
“I can't just swoop in here and spend piles of money on the baby. It's sweet and all, and I want to do it, but it has to be done delicately. Mama and Calvin have pride, you know?”
“It can't just be a gift?”
“Jenna's living with them because she's broke. If I go in with all this stuff, she'll feel really bad.”
“But she's not you.”
“I know. And she gets to be part of this baby's life in a different way. But money – man, Trevor, this is hard to explain.”
I grabbed the expensive carseat and put it back, choosing a mid-range one. “Is that better?”
“Yeah.”
I clasped her hand, catching her eye. “I think you're overthinking this.”
“I know I am.”
“Everyone in town knows you moved away. They know you manage the band. They know you make more money than the average person here. Let your actual generosity show.”
“But it'll breed resentment.”
“I think you're underestimating other people.”
“What does that mean?”
“You're assuming that a generous gift will make people... mad?”
“It might,” she faltered.
“Might. It might. So now you're reducing what you give because you might make someone mad?”
“It's culture, Trevor.”
“I think you think it is. But I'd guess if you give all that to Cathy and Calvin, they'll appreciate it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it's coming from all three of us.”