Chicken?
“Hah! Remember Dmitri warned us the neighbors have yard chickens.” Darla walked over and swatted my ass. “Come on. Get up. I need help.”
“Yard chickens?”
“Free range.”
“Don't dogs eat them?”
“They're not free range all the time. Got a fence and a little hen house. But they roam. Good for controlling bugs in the yard, plus it cuts down on needing to buy feed.” She scrunched her face up at me. “You should know all about this. Joanne’s got a bunch of chickens.”
“My mom doesn't actually take care of them. She has some service that does that. Every other day they water and feed, collect eggs, wash them, and leave the eggs in cartons in the fridge.”
“Is that who puts the diapers on them, too?”
“I guess. The topic never came up.”
The chicken pecked at the screen. It focused on a small spot, one that looked a little worn, like it had been trying to get through for a while.
“They're harmless, but they do seem to travel in groups,” Darla said, jutting her chin toward the door, where I saw two more white chickens in the background.
“Makes me think of Mavis,” Trevor said with a laugh.
“A Denny's Grand Slam makes me think of Mavis,” Darla barked back. “Or one of those smoked salmon gouda fennel omelettes from Jeddy's back home.”
My stomach gurgled. “Unless the brunch you're making includes one of those, please stop talking about awesome food from Jeddy's. I think some of those fried things we ate at Jerry's last night don't technically meet FDA requirements to be called 'food.'”
“My brunch is simple. Eggs. Bacon. Sausage. Shredded cheese. Sauteed veggies. Pancakes. Fresh fruit. Cream sticks.”
My stomach turned into a bear.
“But you guys need to get up and help.”
I slumped back in bed. “I can't.”
“Why not?”
“I think you broke my cock during sex last night.”
“Don't need your cock to clean up and get ready for guests. Not unless you'll throw a Swiffer cloth on the end of it and use it to clean the floors.”
Trevor snorted from under a pillow. “He's not a tripod, Darla.”
“Sometimes it feels like it.” She winked.
How could I say no to her after a compliment like that?
“Fine.” I smashed the pillow on Trevor's gut, forcing him to curl up like a potato bug. “I'll help. But first dibs on the good bacon.”
“Deal.”
Darla disappeared. I threw on some sweatpants, but before I could leave, Trevor called out, “Joe?”
“Yeah?”
“Be kind.”
“I was!”
“I mean today. All day. You saw how she was last night, during sex.”
“She was awesome.”
“She cried afterward.”
“I know. We gave her everything she asked for and more.”
“It's a super emotional time for her, and now she has to help Josie. We're asking a lot from her.”
“And you just assume I don't know that?”
“I didn't – ”
Back to him, arm outstretched, my palm gripping the doorknob like it was a baseball, I grunted out, “You act like I'm a cold asshole. And maybe I used to be – ”
“Maybe?”
“Go to hell, Trevor. People grow. But they can't if you won't let them.”
“Speaking of people who can't grow, you get Liam's pissed-off text?”
“Yeah. He wants to know when we're coming back to Boston.”
We looked at each other, defeat seeping in with every second.
Because we didn't have an answer to that.
I walked out of the room, slammed the door, and ran straight into Alex as he exited the shower, towel around his waist, hair wet.
“Hey. Showerhead just broke.”
“Huh?”
“Showerhead. Might want to let the landlord know.”
“How'd it break?”
“I broke it.”
“What the hell were you doing in the shower that broke it?”
“I'm tall. I bent my knees, stood up and hit it with my head.”
“He's lying!” Darla shouted from the kitchen. “It was a kinky sex thing!”
Alex rolled his eyes and turned toward her. “I was alone in the shower.”
“Even kinkier!” she replied.
He shook his head and disappeared into the bedroom he shared with Josie. Finnish-Armenian and enormous, he had a gentle giant appeal to him, but right now, wet and half-naked, wearing only a towel, he was imposing.
For the next hour, I was Darla's gopher, chopping strawberries and watermelon and onions and mushrooms. She'd gone to Walmart earlier this morning, the bulging bags of groceries everywhere.
“You planned this, didn't you?”
She smirked. “Kinda. When you said you'd rent a house, I realized it was my chance to host a family gathering. I never get to do that.”
“It's important to you.”
She paused her bacon-laying effort, the roasting pan half done. “Yeah. It is. I like the idea of hosting Mama, Calvin, Mike – everyone.”
“We have had Josie and Alex over before.”
“It's not the same. I like being surrounded by my people. All my people.”
“I guess I didn't understand that. I'm the opposite. Family gatherings are a time for my mom to get even more uptight, because things have to be perfect.”
“I ain't your mom.” Darla grabbed a K-cup and made herself another coffee.
“I don't do to my mom what I did to you in bed last night,” I said, just as Josie walked in wearing pajamas with tiny penguins all over them, her fingertips white with tiny pink flamingoes on them.
“I do not want to hear this conversation,” she declared, popping Darla's used K-cup out and replacing it with a fresh one and her own mug.
“I don't want to know how you and Alex broke the showerhead,” Darla shot back, earning a very confused look from Josie.
Which meant Alex had been telling the truth.
“There's another shower in the bedroom we're using,” I told Josie. “It's teeny tiny.”
“Which is why I didn't use it,” Alex said, walking into the kitchen wearing khakis, a polo shirt, and barefoot. He looked at the coffee maker with an impatient look. Surgeons must live on coffee. Alex was an OBGYN in private practice, I knew. That earned respect from me.
Any job where you get to watch vaginas all day and make six figures was a good one.
“I’ll cover any damage costs,” Alex said. “It looks like the metal just snapped. No way to put it back on, even with a tool box.”
“We'll let Dmitri know,” Darla said. “At least guests can still use that toilet, though.”
Trevor walked in wearing underwear and a sleepy look. “Coffeeeeeeeeee,” he groaned, like a zombie seeking brains.
“Get in line,” Alex answered, waggling an empty coffee cup as Josie watched the machine hiss.
Darla looked around the kitchen and grinned, happier than I'd seen her in a long time.