My hands felt like thin glass as the weight of him, not quite seven pounds, was transferred into my care. Terror at dropping him flooded my senses. Joe seemed to understand, at my elbow.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked.
I nodded. He guided me to a glider rocker in the corner, my little brother's warm form in my hands, like I was carrying an ancient crown.
“Take pictures!” Mama chided Marlene, who was on her phone anyhow, poking at the screen. She startled, then smiled, aiming the phone our way.
Our.
Me and my brother.
“I'm Darla,” I said stupidly, as if I needed to introduce myself to a day-old baby. “I'm your sister. Your big sister.” I snorted. “In more ways than one. I'm a big girl and I'm almost thirty, so there's no hope of you ever putting anything over on me.” I looked at Mama.
Who was crying.
Little Cal's eyes opened just then and looked up at me. Whether he had any focus or not didn't matter, because I felt anointed right then. He had chosen me. One look and I was a goner, in love and attached.
I stroked the back of his hand and he opened his palm, a quick move of my pinkie finger making him grasp. His little mouth moved into an O shape, eyes still on mine.
They were a deep, milky blue.
I could hold him forever.
Is this how Daddy and Mama felt when they held me for the first time? All gooey inside, like stretched into a thousand pieces but centered to the core? Little Cal was a surprise human being, grown inside Mama without a clue, but now he was this sweet little person in my arms who connected me to so many people I loved.
And now loved even fiercer.
“He's amazing,” I whispered, ever more in awe as his tiny little movements captivated me. We all start out like this. So fresh, so needy.
So easy to adore.
Little white dots, like zits, covered his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. An urgent sound came out of him, then his face screwed up, eyes closing.
“What's wrong?” I cooed at him, patting his little bum. “Are you – ”
Gena was making notes on a computer and looked over. “Maybe it's time for that meconium to come out.”
“Meco-what?”
Pfffffffft.
My baby brother done shat himself in my arms.
“He trusts you,” Gena said with a laugh, as Mama giggled and Big Calvin's ears turned pink. The baby had zero modesty, no concept that you don't just go around pooping when someone's holding you.
“I thought babies took longer than that for their first poop,” Marlene said, cringing.
“Every baby is different,” Gena replied. She reached out for him. “I was going to take him for a hearing test anyway. How about I clean him up, too?” She looked to Mama. “You okay with that, Cathy?”
Mama just nodded.
Handing over my little brother felt like I went from being fuller than I’d ever been to being empty and hollow, the loss of his warmth and weight nearly making me cry.
But I let him go, because he was starting to stink.
Gena walked out of the room with the baby just as Trevor returned with six coffees in two carrying trays. His eyes followed the baby as they left.
“Is something wrong?”
“He shat himself in Darla's arms,” Marlene said, eyeing the coffee eagerly.
Or maybe that was just Trevor's crotch she was visually gobbling.
“They take babies away for that?” Setting the drinks down, he looked at the white tops, where initials were clearly marked. “C for Calvin, C for Cathy. Not sure which is which?”
“Don't matter,” Mama said. “We drink it the same way.” The look Calvin gave her made my heart swell.
Love wasn't a finite resource.
There was always plenty more, as long as you feed people what they need to grow.
Just like babies.
And baby poop.
The Cs got to me. Cathy. Calvin. Little Calvin.
I was a big old D.
Hell, even my daddy was a C. Hadn't thought about that before. Maybe Mama had a type.
Coffee distributed, we drank in silence, polite smiles being passed around like a game of Hot Potato. My phone buzzed, startling me, and when I looked it was Alex texting me.
I cleared my schedule for three days. We leave tomorrow. Will be there by evening. How long are you guys in Peters?
I stared at the screen. The band didn't have a gig for three more weeks; of all the times for Mama to pop out a surprise baby brother for me, this one was optimal.
I don't know, I thumbed back. But we'll still be here tomorrow for sure.
“Who're you texting with?” Trevor asked.
“Alex. Says he and Josie will be here late tomorrow.”
Marlene shot Mama an indecipherable look. “All our kids gonna be here, then. All together at the same time. Haven't had that since your wedding to Cal.”
“Hmph,” was all Mama said.
I looked around the room with a new lens. Calvin was right.
I had plenty of family.
More than enough.
Chapter 5
Trevor
“Haven't had that since your wedding to Cal,” Darla's Aunt Marlene said, the words nearly making me choke on my coffee. Memories of that time in our life, when Darla dumped us for being complete assholes, were so deeply buried in me they were molten hot, like the earth's core.
Plus, I was basically high nonstop during that painful stretch, so the actual memory storage section of my brain probably had legit holes in it.
How long ago was Cathy and Calvin's wedding? Four years? Had Darla, Joe and I been together for seven years now?
Really?
Watching her hold the baby made something in me stir, a sense of permanence, of aging, of life moving faster than it should. Plenty of friends from high school and college were talking about having kids, but so far, only Charlotte and Liam were openly trying, and their case was different.
Way different.
Obviously, Darla's mom didn't have any problems conceiving, so I'd imagined that was true for Darla. She was on the pill and we wrapped it. Accidental pregnancies weren't going to be an issue for us.
They clearly ran in the family, though.
“Mama, while the nurse has Little Cal, can you tell us what in the hell happened for you to have an entire pregnancy and not know it?”
“When you put it that way, Darla, it sounds judgmental.”
“I am totally judging you, Mama. You shit out an entire human being you weren't expecting and you get judged. Hard.”
Cathy laughed, reaching for Darla, wiggling her hand. “Give me more water and I'll tell you.”
Darla handed over the big pitcher, then the large cup.
“It all started with – ”
“I know how babies are made, Mama.”
Calvin let out a snicker. The man was taciturn to the max. Sometimes I wondered if he needed electroshock to keep his pulse going.
“I wasn't gonna start that far back, Darla Jo!” But Cathy smiled, then chugged half the big cup of water. “All I know is my cycles slowed down. One every three months or so. And then they just stopped. I thought it was the menopause.”
“Is that Cal, Jr.'s middle name? Calvin Menopause McMasterson?”