“Come on, Ashi, there’s an incredibly hot guy in your kitchen and you’re acting like you’re being tortured. How often does that happen?” She took the glass back. “Well, DJ is often in your kitchen, so it happens a lot. But still.”
“I’m not interested in him.”
“Okay. Although, why aren’t you?” An annoying brow wiggle. “Kidding. Seriously, though, he’s going to help you win. You do want to win, right?”
“Ugh, that’s the problem. I do.” She considered telling Trisha about the Shobi Deal, but she had never been able to talk to anyone about her plentiful parental issues. “But I want to win for my food.”
Trisha looked at her like she had no idea who she was. Ashna knew exactly what she was thinking. Ashna wasn’t like DJ, who was a food whisperer. He had once told Ashna food spoke to him and he just listened. Ashna had pretended to understand.
Her palms went clammy. Food spoke to her too, but it didn’t whisper, it screamed. Shrieks that curdled her blood if she dared to deviate from Baba’s recipes.
Trisha squeezed her arm. “Sweetheart, you’re here because of your food, but in life you have to use all the advantages you’ve been given. It’s ungrateful to kick away good fortune. Isn’t that what we’ve been taught?”
DJ came back and said something to Trisha, and she laughed and pulled out her phone. Until Trisha had met DJ, she’d basically treated the whole world as not worth her time; now she was pulling up an article on arthroscopic gallbladder removal because one of Lilly’s daughters had told DJ that she needed the surgery.
How did people change so much? Across the room Song dropped a kiss on Rico’s cheek and he grinned as though he had not a care in the world. Then again, maybe people didn’t change, maybe you just hoped they did.
Rico caught her watching him being all cozy with Song. Song followed his gaze. Brightening even more, she dragged him over before Ashna could make her escape.
“You’re so lucky to have Rico as your partner,” Song repeated, hanging from Rico’s arm and slurring just a little bit.
Ashna refused to look at Rico.
“And he’s lucky to have Ashna as his partner.” Trisha stepped closer to Ashna and gave Song her famous I can maim you with a scalpel look
Which Rico caught. He held out a hand to Trisha. “Rico Silva, sorry I wasn’t quite myself the last time we met. Thanks so much for taking care of my knee.”
Trisha shook his hand with both of hers, suddenly all warmth. “I’m so glad you’re all right. Thanks so much for saving Ashi’s toes. Not many people would do that for a perfect stranger.”
Rico turned to Ashna and waited. For what? Did he really expect her to tell Trisha about them? Now?
What would she say? He’s the boy I was in love with, the reason I caused Baba to die?
When she stood there frozen, a bitter grin curved his lips, as though her inability to claim him as hers was one of their inside jokes.
“It was a reflex.” His flat voice hid every whit of hurt banked in his eyes. “But I’m glad your cousin’s foot is in one piece.”
That made Trisha so happy she gave him a hug, which he returned wholeheartedly.
It was strange to see Trisha be all effusive. As for Rico, obviously he had changed his stance on physical contact and turned into this touchy-feely charmer. Foolishly, she ached for the days when they had been the same, perfectly mirrored.
They might not be kindred spirits anymore, but she knew without a doubt that his mind was stuck on the fact that she had let Trisha call him a perfect stranger.
Why is that such an issue for you?
He caught her jaw tightening and looked away.
“What an honor to meet Zia Malik today,” DJ said excitedly and they started to talk about football again.
Ashna swallowed her groan. She couldn’t bear another gushing rendition of that miraculous goal in the ninetieth. Spectacular as it had been (thank you, YouTube).
Ashna watched Rico watch Song rattle off some stats and misery engulfed her. “You all carry on. I have to get home.” She made her way to the door.
“Ashna.” Dear lord, please, why did he have to follow her?
She didn’t stop but he caught her in the passageway. For a few moments they just stood there, circling the mess of unsaid things between them.
“Your cousins are lovely.”
“Yes, they are.”
There was something determined in his face, like the all-consuming focus before he went in for a penalty kick. “You’re surrounded by love, Ashna.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you so miserable?”
Excuse her? “I am not miserable.” She turned away and started walking again.
He followed her. “Being here makes you miserable. So why are you here?”
She shouldn’t have stopped. “I’ve already answered that.” She shouldn’t have turned around.
The real question he was asking was in his eyes. Clear as day. “When was the last time you did something because you wanted to?”
She tugged at her bun, that stupid strand of hair gouging at her scalp. “I do a lot of things I want to.”
“Right. I mean when was the last time you did something that made you feel alive?”
She hoped her face showed him exactly how much she didn’t want him to say what he was going to say next.
“When was the last time you played ball?”
Sweat broke out down her back, prickles of ice over hot skin. The dampening spread to her palms, the insides of her elbows, the backs of her knees.
She could have named the exact date and time. “I think your friend is looking for you.” Song was heading their way. She stumbled and Rico went to her. Ashna made her escape.
Despite her soccer scholarship to UCLA, Ashna had never really thought of playing as something she would do after college. She hadn’t meant to let it go entirely either. In all honestly, she’d never given it a thought, believing that there would be time to make those decisions. As about everything else, she’d been wrong.
The last time she had put on her gloves, touched a ball, was when her high school soccer team had taken pictures for the yearbook. It had been after the season was over. She’d had plans with Rico after. Plans that relied heavily on the fact that his aunt was traveling and her house was empty overnight. It was going to be their first time spending a night together.
Ashna had lied to Mina Kaki and told her that Baba needed her at the restaurant, even though it was midweek. Then she’d freaked out. She’d been sure that Mina Kaki would call Baba, that Rico and she would be found out. She hadn’t been able to relax until Rico asked if she wanted him to drive her home, and he had, without a whit of disappointment. For years, she had wished they’d had at least that one night together.
She went to the green room and took her time grabbing her jacket. No, she was not hiding. When she opened up her rideshare app she remembered that there was a huge tech conference happening in the city. It was going to be a twenty-minute wait. Ashna groaned. This was what happened when you became too dependent on technology.
Waiting in the green room was making her too restless. She kept seeing Rico’s eyes watching her in the mirror. So she made her way to the restroom through the thankfully empty lobby, trying not to think about how a ball felt in her hands. The hard kick of yearning made her want to scream. What would she give right now to feel the worn leather of the inside of a glove, the tightly stretched surface of a ball? Not for long, but just for one instant to have that smell of leather and turf flood through her, what would that be like?